[CHANDLERS WISH]

I see

Well yes, life is not like the movies and the fairytales we were bought up with, or is it?

I think differently to most, I believe that we choose our partners but we're not necessarily compatible. See personalities, phyc, different types of men that I wrote, as there is different types of women.. Same as career orientated, to non career orientated.

See my Thread on how does she find her Prince?

If you are happy in a relationship as oposites do attract, then yes, what you perceived the fairytale stories and actual don't matter, exist...

But, if you are passionate, romantic, and that is why you loved those movies and your partner isn't, are you brainwashed? Or is that just the way you are and your with someone whom is not passionate and romantic, and the match doesn't really suit so you blame it on the fairytales?

Not a question persay to you... Just something to think about.

CW

[holetoledo]

It's all in their makeup...

It's the same for both sexes... Boils down to their beliefs, morals, the way they were bought up, their phsyc...

He's a cross your eyes, dot your T's type of personality... Things are routine and he's a man's man.... holding hands is not on, not to be seen, affection is only in the bedroom and then that may be rountine as well, his passions will be his work, it will be his life...

The other type of character is adventurous, free spirited, has a feminine side to him, not "femanine" but a total understanding of women and is ok with that and therefore, has that romantic side to him as well.. His passions will be many things, anything that creates excitement.

Your not being brainwashed, rather with a different "type" ...

CW

I

Oh, no. To make myself clear, I don't feel as though I'm being brainwashed by him. I feel very brainwashed, though, about the literary materials and the television shows and movies that I watched when I was younger that taught me all these false ideals about relationships that don't seem to be too relevant in an actual relationship. I feel like I am struggling in my own relationship with him because of all these false ideals that have been planted in my mind.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's all in their makeup...

It's the same for both sexes... Boils down to their beliefs, morals, the way they were bought up, their phsyc...

He's a cross your eyes, dot your T's type of personality... Things are routine and he's a man's man.... holding hands is not on, not to be seen, affection is only in the bedroom and then that may be rountine as well, his passions will be his work, it will be his life...

The other type of character is adventurous, free spirited, has a feminine side to him, not "femanine" but a total understanding of women and is ok with that and therefore, has that romantic side to him as well.. His passions will be many things, anything that creates excitement.

Your not being brainwashed, rather with a different "type" ...

CW

I

[holetoledo]

I don't really like holding hands, but he does it in the ocean so I don't float away so that is really nice and thoughtful of him. =) I am a horrible swimmer.

[Hopeless Dork]

I don't think a guy being manly has much to do with how much affection they want to give their partner/desire from their partner. Its just personality types, some people aren't very affectionate for many reasons and some aren't into affection in public for many reasons and I think whatever makes 2 people happy is what matters. But a man that will hold his woman when she is cold, that will hold her hand and guide her down down steps -- is a manly guy. A guy that wants to touch his chick often ... is a manly guy. And I don't think physical intimacy and verbal intimacy have to be mutually exclusive... as in if you have one type of intimacy it means you don't have the other.

[holetoledo]

He does things sporadically but sparsely, so I guess it's like a treat. Like on Tuesday he held me from behind and kissed the back of my neck, it was nice. But it's not something he does all the time. He's a really manly guy heh he's just 6'3" of testosterone.

[holetoledo]

He does show me physical intimacy, but he puts the focal point on vocal communication and I am SO bad at that. Maybe too many bad experiences with other guys, I don't know. He's more for the private physical intimacy, though, nothing like public displays of affection aside from a kiss or a hug. But though we go to the same school, I probably see him maybe three times a week and maybe get one kiss out of it... My girlish side says that when he kisses me, it makes me feel nice and wanted. But mostly he says something like, "I don't want physical intimacy to be the sole basis of our relationship", which I can understand. I see couples all the time who work amongst each other and they don't need public physical touches to reinforce that they love each other. And I want to be like that, to feel that he loves me without so much touching, but I guess I'm a bit insecure and I feel like I need it.

When we're alone together, he holds my hand and he's real cuddly and loving and attentive. It's just we just don't have time to be alone together lately, what with exams going on and all... Just busy.

Guess it's all just delayed gratification from here.

[Hopeless Dork]

I think wanting a physical connection has nothing to do with romance novels or romantic comedies and everything to do with just being human. I don't want rose petals on the bed or candlelit baths... I want him to grab on to me and hold me for no reason other than he couldn't resist doing so. Human beings have a physical need to be close to someone, not just sexually either... but yeah that too. Its not 'romantic' in my opinion to want to rest your head on someones chest, it just feels right.

So what I am saying I guess is if you want physical intimacy and he does not, its not because you were brainwashed... its because its a natural thing to want. If you want him to drop to his knee or belt out love ballads all the time then yeah... you've seen one too many sandra bullock flicks lol. But wanting your man to wrap his strong arms around you in a long line for a movie out in the cold... thats someone you love comforting you and an expression of love. I hold my boyfriends hand because its warm, or because its cold, because it comforts me and makes me feel close to him. I walk past him and spank his butt because its there. I sit on his lap during a crowded party because its the best seat in the house to me I don't think being close and touchy feely is fabio novel hogwash.

As for celebrating holidays, meh. I think if someone makes you feel good inside, makes you feel special on a regular old wednesday you are less likely to need extreme bells and whistles on a hallmark greeting card day. I don't place any importance on marriage... I value committment and intimacy and a unique connection that 2 people share with each other and I think you can have all that without a piece of paper and that you can have that peice of paper while having none of it. Loving someone is compromise... it means trying to see things from their side and it sounds like you are doing that for him... is he doing it for you too?

[holetoledo]

I don't know. He is one stubborn guy. I love him a lot, it's just it's the same argument that pops up every time. I feel like we're exhausting it.

[cocoa]

i feel like maybe i put physicality too much on a pedestal considering all the bad romance novels i got into in high school.

it was like YAY SEX EQUATES LOVE, AND LOVE EQUATES LOTS OF ORGASMS.

Yeah. So many expectations are built up that when the real thing comes along, it's sometimes difficult to makes sense of it because it's so different than what was earlier expected. I realize the reasoning behind his perspective, but at the same time, isn't compromise important? I mean would it hurt that much to follow at least a few of these rituals?