[ragethorn]

Hi girls.
I have a little bit of a problem. I registered to these forums because I need all female, all honest advice.

Your replies is much appreciated. Seriously.

So like most guys I took my gf for granted. I changed just under 2 years. I can't answer why. It had nothing to do with the way I felt towards her. I took her for granted. I didn't appreciate all the things she did for me. I never made time for her. I was really crappy. I never cheated. I never raised my voice. I just kinda started treating her like one of the guys.

I contacted her best friend after the break-up whom I introduced her to. She didn't reply back to my e-mail. I contacted another best friend who basically told me that I hope I move on with love in my heart and yadda yadda yadda and at the end of the message, she said she's going to advise my ex that I messaged her.

I never stalked her, I didn't contact her, being alone and just letting my imagination run wild, anxiety was getting to me. I was really starting to feel it. I used to get my haircut from my ex's sister in law and now I kinda can't so I contacted one of my ex's other friends who works at a salon. I started going to her to get my haircut and to see if I can get some dirt. She was cool, we went out for coffee's once or twice or three times after haircuts for about an hour cause she said she was there for me and she knows how nice a guy I am. All was well until she started to flirt with me. Small and subtle remarks. She also started talking behind my ex's back. Negative things. Saying she doesn't deserve me. She's seeing another guy. She's doing this, she's doing that. Hearing this, I decided to not even make contact with this "friend" again. I felt I should just move on. By the way, I asked this friend if my ex knows we're hanging out, she said of course.

My ex contacted me 3 months after the break-up. She said she still loves me and can't move on. She said she see's me as her future and when she broke up with me, she was being selfish and couldn't go through with it. We met up, we talked about everything. All was well. We both told each other what we need to see changed, so and so.

The next day she told me she's going out with her "friend", the one I met up with who was talking behind her back. So I decided to tell my ex look, be careful but this girl I think has some sorta agenda or something. Just needed to talk to her and let her know everything. I'm always honest. It's just how I am.

I told her look, when me and so and so went for coffee's, she stopped and said she didn't know about it and she was taken back by this. She called up her friend right away and her friend denied it and said we only saw each other when we were all in a big group. I told my ex no, I went to get my haircut and we went for a coffee to kinda talk about the break-up. My ex said there's something fishy going on here. She now thinks me and her friend fooled around. That's why i'm talking bad about her and she's denying seeing me.

She no longer trusts me she said. Too much drama for her. A month later, I surprised her on her birthday when she got off work with flowers and a promise ring telling her I won't betray her trust in anyway shape or form again but she declined.

It's crappy cause I didn't do anything wrong, or at least I didn't realize I was doing the wrong thing. I had the best at heart and got burnt.

I don't know if I should give her time or move on. This girl means the world to me. THE WORLD. I've learned my lesson.

Help? Will she contact me? If she going to hold a grudge forever?

[Allie602]

Did other people in the shop see or know that you had coffee with her? Could they intercede for you and tell your girl what they saw. This girl probably told other people negative things about your ex is it possible to get them to tell her. Also, this other girl might have said to someone that she was going to try to go out with you. Do some investigating and see what you can find out.

Could you get the other girl on speaker phone when you exgf is there and ask this girl why she lied and why she is still hanging out with your ex if she .... (say all the nasty things she said about you ex) Ask her is she doing it because you refused her advances. Her answers will let your exgf know what really happened.

[ragethorn]

I wish there was a way to prove it but there isn't.
The girl cut me off and won't return my texts and phone calls right when I was about to confront her.

Plus my ex wants nothing to do with me, so it seems, I don't know and when I tried to talk about it when I surprised her, she said she didn't want to talk about it or think about it.

I know for a fact she loves me.

I just kinda was wondering if she needs time to herself or will she call one day in the next few months or move on without knowing the full truth?

[Ashlee T.]

If your ex truly has that little trust in you, then it's best you two aren't together. Whether you have done something to warrant the lack of trust, or haven't......she clearly doesn't trust you. You don't need to be with someone that doesn't trust you.

Loneliness can make us feel lots of different things. It can trick our minds into thinking we love when maybe we don't. I understand you feel like you did her wrong and want to make it better...... but it seems that the best thing to do at this point is perhaps tell her, one last time, how you feel about her......tell her the truth about everything, do not lie, do not omit.....and tell her that you will no longer try to get her back, that you will not hang on to something that doesn't want to be held onto. And then let it go....heal....and know that there's someone out there waiting for you. But they need the best of you......not the baggage.

[ManINeedACoffee]

I just kinda was wondering if she needs time to herself or will she call one day in the next few months or move on without knowing the full truth?

I know you're hoping one of us will confirm that she will, I don't think any of us can answer that for you, sweetie - only she knows that. My advice is not to count on it. If she's made up her mind, she's made up her mind - you cannot control what she does, thinks, feels, etc. Give her the space she is so obviously requesting, and focus on you and the things you CAN control.

[ragethorn]

Understandable. The only problem is i've known her since grade school.

We were great friends and she's the one who wanted soooo hard to try a relationship with me. I feel as if I lost my future and my best friend. I don't want an answer if she will call but I just don't want her to hate me for something I never did. Who knows what this girl told her. I have a great feeling that she might've said something to hurt me and her us.

When she contacted me after the break-up, she said how she was selfish and it was hurting her. Isn't this her being selfish? I just want my best friend back.

I'll eventually move on. I imagine this happens daily to people around the world and I'm not alone but it'll take time and I don't want her to grow this hate for me thinking I actually did something. I dunno. Just feel lost.

Thanks for your help girls.