[Confused1317]

This Is probably going to be really long... But i need someones advice from an outside source that has completly no idea what is going on.
Here it goes....

Me and my Boyfriend have been together for 6 months now. He has 2 Children a 5 and 3 yr old from previous marriage. They have been separated for over a year, And we started the divorce process for the 2nd time about a month ago between him and his ex. We were together for 2 months b4 he decided he wanted his kids full time in home and has been stressfull the whole time. The youngest is a boy and after having them for 3 months solid they have been acting out and when she (his ex) brought the kids home after seeing them the youngest was crying up the stairs saying "mommy i dont want to stay here." over and over again. He proceeded to meet them at the door and said If you dont want to be here then i dont want you here. and his daughter said she didn't want to be here either. At her house they dont have any rules to follow and get to do whatever they want to, Living with their cuzins in a 2 bedroom duplex, They sleep on the floor and she sleeps on the couch. Here they have their own beds, and have rules to follow cuz we live in an appartment building with alot of appartments. They have to follow rules here or they get dissaplined at her house, there is no dispaline whatsoever. During this whole process, I got rid of all my friends because he didn't like them and most of them were people i had hung out with and dated and we decided we were better off as friends than in a relationship. So in turn for him wanting that, i did it and changed my phone number so that they wouldn't call. I thought that would make our relationship better.

His ex has always had this thing about using the kids to keep him in her life. Now that she agreed on a custodial order and we had it written up and ready to sign and everything she brought the kids home and they didnt' want to stay here, She refuses to sign divorce papers untill she gets an attourney. She works at a Daycare making min. wage, and will never be able to afford an attourney. The stress from Her being around and the kids acting out has taken a toll on our relationship. What do i do? He has said numerous times that he should sign his rights away cuz if they dotn want to be with him he doesn't want to make them do something they dont want to, and just them find him when they get older.

This situation is so hard to deal with. I have talked with family about it and they dont help out the situation at all. I need someone else's opinion about my situation. PLEASE HELP>!>!>!

[jns]

Why did he and his ex break up?

The adults should be in charge of the children, not the other way around.

If he wants a divorce, he may have to pay for her legal help. At the minimum, the children's rights have to be preserved by some representation in court. I believe a court can order the divorce without her signing off. He should have a lawyer advising him on what he needs to do.

[Confused1317]

This is how their relationship went. At 17 they got together 6 months later they found out they were prego, And during that 6 months the first 3 she cheated on him with 3 different people. He isn't the type of guy to leave someone because of a supid fight. But didnt' know she cheated till she said the baby might not be his. He left... and got a Blood test after she was born and found it was his. got back together and got married so he would have rights to his daughter... Stayed with her and then got prego 2 years later with his son even tho she said she was on birth control( which she wasn't doc. confirmed that one) was separated in home. and he went in the millitary to make a better future for his kids and he got medical discharge for his sholder and came home and told her he wanted a divorce and told her to get out of his house cuz she was cheating again but this time with a child molestor and she tried killing herself infront of the kids. he stopped it and he was in a different relationship with a girl after that that was cheating on him and doing drugs. left her after 6 months cuz she lied to him about drugs and cheating. then here i am.


His Ex is legally insane, unfit to take care of children. She is on lithum to keep her mind sane. She goes through fazes of 3 months ok with the kids then she cant handle them. off and on in 3 month incriments. We told her we would pay for the divorce as long as she agreed on the custodial that was drawn up. She agreed and then just went back on it. We only have 1 income in the house hold due to me loosing my job and cant find another one. but we are doing as much as we can to get the divorce done.

[jns]

I think there may be to much drama in his life. It will continue to have influence over you for many years if you stay in this relationship. I know you love him and he has had some bad breaks, but this is tough. Is this what you want?

[Confused1317]

No i want a loving relationship without all the (EDIT) At the start of our relationship we were perfectlly happy being together spending time together and so on. then the kids came along and made it all stressfull. And i dont want to blame the kids but i think them and their psycho mother are a big part of it. Either that or its just that i'm not cut out to be a step mom... My nephew is the same age as his youngest and he acts like he is 3 going on 15. So much more mature and together. I guess i dont understand what the deal is. If its just me wanting him to myself or if i'm just over reacting. I dont have a clue but this has been bothering me for quite sometime now and i just now found this sight today. Thank god i did cuz if i didn't get this out. I believe i would have gone into a nervous breakdown. I dont know if its the fact that i can't handle his kids acting out so much or their mother. I'm just so confused about everything and dont know what to do. I love him dearly but His children are so Rediculous it's insane.