[Butterflylily]

This isnt about divorce or breaks up but, well, theres a wedding bow that say..

"Till death do us apart" and well i think thats wrong I mean..., how can people move on after there Husband/Wife died and still say the love them?

I dont get it..I read how some people move on and remarry, saying stuff like..

"Hes dead, so your not really cheating"
or..
"She wouldnt want me to be alone anyways"

And some say..
"Its your decision, the After life doesnt exist anyway, its not like your gonna have 2 wifes in heaven"


I dont get it...I mean, If your Husband/WIfe dies...and you move on..then You never truly loved them after all right?

Besides, some people (Not religious) say Afterlife doesnt exist, if thats true then Explain Exorcism, true paranormal stuff and hauntings etc, Aparitions and so on, so on.

I understand everyone is different, I respect that, everyone has their own will to choose what they want to do in life and how, there own beliefs, religion etc etc


But...I just dont see how you can Love your husband for example...and then Love another man just because hes dead, It sounds silly...

The thing is, not everyone believes in Love, like I said everyone is different, but True Love never dies, and its really sad not many people think the same way... atleast this what I believe, I was wondering if anyone would share there own opinions .

[CHANDLERS WISH]

If it says "till death do us part", then someone above, is saying, that's okay to love again....And, given that, that is what it is all about, LOVE, I think in your life time, you are meant to give and receive love...

Just because someone dies and you move on, doesn't mean you forget...

That person was a soul mate, they will meet again...And, you never forget love...

Love is important to keep going, as that is what it's all about..

[Colorado]

If it says "till death do us part", then someone above, is saying, that's okay to love again....And, given that, that is what it is all about, LOVE, I think in your life time, you are meant to give and receive love...

Just because someone dies and you move on, doesn't mean you forget...

That person was a soul mate, they will meet again...And, you never forget love...

Love is important to keep going, as that is what it's all about..

Amen CW - We are not solitary creatures and though no-one will ever "replace" the one who departed, there is always a place for someone else to share life with.
That doesn't mean you erased every memory of them, or that the love is somehow less - but everyone needs someone, and the Good Lord above knows that - thats how me made us.

Keep their memories close, and forever cherish them.

[Butterflylily]

I understand what CW said but its just well...my mom re-married like around 4 months (around, not sure) after my dad died..and idk I feel strange about it..I dont like my current new dad at all, I ignore him and I pray to my real dad everyday..somehow I cant look at my mom's eyes anymore, I Love her to death but..i just feel strange about it.

[jns]

I understand what CW said but its just well...my mom re-married like around 4 months (around, not sure) after my dad died..and idk I feel strange about it..I dont like my current new dad at all, I ignore him and I pray to my real dad everyday..somehow I cant look at my mom's eyes anymore, I Love her to death but..i just feel strange about it.

You seem upset by your mother quickly marrying another man. Do you honestly believe that she really didn't love your father? Because of what reasons? Has she said why she was getting remarried around 4 months after your father's death?

Some people can take being single more than others. Some moved from being a child in a home to being a spouse in a home and after the death of a spouse, find that being alone in a home is lonely and frightening. Even if children are around, not having a spouse around terrifies them. Talk to your mother and find out why she remarried at this time. Your reaction is probably putting more stress on her when she felt that she had lifted some of the burden.

[Butterflylily]

You seem upset by your mother quickly marrying another man. Do you honestly believe that she really didn't love your father? Because of what reasons? Has she said why she was getting remarried around 4 months after your father's death?

Some people can take being single more than others. Some moved from being a child in a home to being a spouse in a home and after the death of a spouse, find that being alone in a home is lonely and frightening. Even if children are around, not having a spouse around terrifies them. Talk to your mother and find out why she remarried at this time. Your reaction is probably putting more stress on her when she felt that she had lifted some of the burden.

No, its just my beliefs, I know she loved my father but that fact that she re-married puts me in doubt a little... It just creeps me out knowing how she can kiss this new man when our father is always home with us... watching us, taking care of us.


I understand why she re-married, unlike other people she had her reasons rather than just being afraid of being alone, I have 4 siblings so Its understable...She lifted burden on herself basicly, cause she didnt really need to re-marry for everything to be ok, its not like shes alone since my father died. Our grandparents live only min away and we have family close.



Iknow I sound selfish, I know why some people re-marry, but Like I said I just dont get it, its not like your spouse dies and boom she dissapears, some people I guess arent strong enough to be alone. Even if it does sound selfish, think about it. You love your spouse so much that you wouldnt want her to be alone when you die, but at the same time a part of you doesnt like the idea of her moving on being with someone else, it makes you feel bad. You want her to be Happy and Loved even if you die, does that mean your telling her to take off her ring and be with someone else?


Being Happy and Loved doesnt mean "Ok im taking of this ring and falling in love again and im not forgetting about my spouse, im sure he wants me to be happy".



It sounds selfish to some people what im saying but its also selfish what my mom did and my mom knows how I feel, even our relationship isnt like it used to be. I just really dont see how you can love someone and then love someone else just because death. I really really dont get it, idk maybe im selfish and stupid but I really dont get it.

[WildChild]

Some sort of study I read years ago found that people who had a good, loving relationship were more likely to remarry soon after the death of a spouse because they wanted that positive connection. People who had a difficult or very painful marriage might stay single thereafter for life because they feared repeating the experience.

It sounds like your father was a very special and loving man whom you miss very much. Please remember that your mother's husband is not your "new" father, he is your step father, your mother's husband, not your father. No one will take your father's place, ever. You might think of your mother remarrying so fast as both a tribute to how much she loved your father, so she wanted to have that kind of loving relationship again, but also it may be very natural to be concerned that in her grief and loneliness she may have chosen too quickly.

My mother died when I was in my early 20s and before her death she talked with all of her children and family and told us that it was her wish that our father would remarry and she expected us to be supportive of that. The first couple women he came up with we gave a thumbs down on. Then he found a winner, they dated about a year and married a little less than two years after my mom died. That was over 30 years ago. She is not my mother but she has become a loving and supportive freind. I feel very fortunate in that. Loving my stepmother doesn't mean that I love my mother less. I have two children I love both of them devotedly, if I had four, I'd love them all just as devotedly. Love is not something that you only hav a tiny measure of, that has to be rationed. In fact the more of it you feel and give, the more you will have to share.

Don't judge your mother in this. Only she can know her heart. If this was a good choice, then over time you can be glad for her, if it was over hurried, she may need your love and support later. Hope for her that her new husband will be a loving and caring man to her for many years. It is fine to talk to your father and feel his love and care. But he is in spirit now and you need to also interact lovingly with people in the flesh.

Given time you will find that your pain is much less. For now be good to yourself, loving to your mother and at least pleasant to her husband.

[Butterflylily]

Some sort of study I read years ago found that people who had a good, loving relationship were more likely to remarry soon after the death of a spouse because they wanted that positive connection. People who had a difficult or very painful marriage might stay single thereafter for life because they feared repeating the experience.

It sounds like your father was a very special and loving man whom you miss very much. Please remember that your mother's husband is not your "new" father, he is your step father, your mother's husband, not your father. No one will take your father's place, ever. You might think of your mother remarrying so fast as both a tribute to how much she loved your father, so she wanted to have that kind of loving relationship again, but also it may be very natural to be concerned that in her grief and loneliness she may have chosen too quickly.

My mother died when I was in my early 20s and before her death she talked with all of her children and family and told us that it was her wish that our father would remarry and she expected us to be supportive of that. The first couple women he came up with we gave a thumbs down on. Then he found a winner, they dated about a year and married a little less than two years after my mom died. That was over 30 years ago. She is not my mother but she has become a loving and supportive freind. I feel very fortunate in that. Loving my stepmother doesn't mean that I love my mother less. I have two children I love both of them devotedly, if I had four, I'd love them all just as devotedly. Love is not something that you only hav a tiny measure of, that has to be rationed. In fact the more of it you feel and give, the more you will have to share.

Don't judge your mother in this. Only she can know her heart. If this was a good choice, then over time you can be glad for her, if it was over hurried, she may need your love and support later. Hope for her that her new husband will be a loving and caring man to her for many years. It is fine to talk to your father and feel his love and care. But he is in spirit now and you need to also interact lovingly with people in the flesh.

Given time you will find that your pain is much less. For now be good to yourself, loving to your mother and at least pleasant to her husband.

Yeah..i know ive been a little rough to him but I dont want to..maybe i just sound like a spoiled child but never...I dont like him and maybe I just really miss my dad....it sometimes furiates me when i see them holding hands and stuff....idk Im just messed up about all this, I feel betrayed somehow, I know my dad perhaps is happy that my mom is happy right now but I still have this feeling of hate inside...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It is so difficult because, your Dad to a daughter, well your his Princess If maybe you can view it a bit differently, as he would.. That being, 16 weeks after, she re-marries, now, who can fall in love in 16 weeks? You barely know each other, yet years, you know someone very well...So, she didn't re-marry for love, rather to keep her family healthy and financially more secure...He would see that. But, off course, she has to like this man, and I imagine, he is kind, and he has been a support for her, helping her through all of it...so that's a good thing too isn't it?

Your Mum, is human, it would have broke her heart loosing her husband as much as it would have broken yours...MAYBE, this is her way of dealing with it..

You know, she loves you and your siblings and she loved your Dad...And, I supsect you both actually really need each other, so don't shut her out, she figgers when you grow older (because some of what you are saying is very mature of you), you will understand more..

Please don't think that you are dis-honoring your Father, by getting to know this man, or being close again to your Mum, because your Dad would not want any of you to be un-happy... He knows the love he had...He knows...

CW

[Butterflylily]

It is so difficult because, your Dad to a daughter, well your his Princess If maybe you can view it a bit differently, as he would.. That being, 16 weeks after, she re-marries, now, who can fall in love in 16 weeks? You barely know each other, yet years, you know someone very well...So, she didn't re-marry for love, rather to keep her family healthy and financially more secure...He would see that. But, off course, she has to like this man, and I imagine, he is kind, and he has been a support for her, helping her through all of it...so that's a good thing too isn't it?

Your Mum, is human, it would have broke her heart loosing her husband as much as it would have broken yours...MAYBE, this is her way of dealing with it..

You know, she loves you and your siblings and she loved your Dad...And, I supsect you both actually really need each other, so don't shut her out, she figgers when you grow older (because some of what you are saying is very mature of you), you will understand more..

Please don't think that you are dis-honoring your Father, by getting to know this man, or being close again to your Mum, because your Dad would not want any of you to be un-happy... He knows the love he had...He knows...

CW

:") you made me cry remembering him....maybe thats why its so hard to let go..I probably loved my dad more than anything else...I should let go little by litte..it will be hard but ill try...maybe this is why I have this belief of never re-marrying because of all this...

Thanks for opening my eys..im gonna try to work things out...its not easy right I feel like crying..its hard..one time...I came form school and..passed through the bedroom and heard my mom and him...it sounded like they were having sex...I cried so much since that day I started feeling this way...

Its so hard..I understand my mom did it for us, the guy is really nice to us and very kind...I can see how my mother loves him...but I just dont see how she can still hang on to my father like that...if shes gonna move on then why doesnt she just get rid of the ring? or those portraits of him in our house...Maybe thats why it furiates me, cause even thought what Im saying is selfish..its still selfish what shes doing and she wont let go of my dad :"""(....

she should let him go or ill swear im taking all of pictures and stuff and keeping them with me....



cause I feel my mother doesnt deserve them...I understand maybe i sound mean and i should calm down..but its really hard for me...