[GottaLoveHim]

Hi everyone, Im new and ran across site while searching for articles relating to my problem.
We are about to get married in a few months and for some reason, i almost always refuse sex. If im in the mood, lately, like once a month, thats the only time we have it. I feel terrible and its causing problems in our otherwise, perfect relationship. we talked briefly about the issue and all i can say is something must be wrong with me. We are both VERY busy with work, the wedding, and life in general. So a lot of the time, im tired and worn out, but hes ready to go. I love him TO DEATH and hes such a wonderful man. I am attracted to him, i enjoy sex when we do have it, but actually wanting it is the problem. My guess is lately, since we are busy, we spend little time together other then going to bed. We come home, go to gym, back home, make dinner, then get on our computers (games, work, wedding, etc etc) and then bed. I would like to get him to understand whats going on with me and he just doesnt "get it". Ive tried saying we have been emotionally unconnected lately due to how busy we have been. (least thats how i feel sometimes). He always says im beautiful, hugs and kisses all the time. So im wondering if its just stress. Stress of the wedding, stress of work, stress of not being intimate, stress of what if it doesnt go away, stress of him not being happy. God, i need a vacation lol. I just need someone to tell me if this is what it is for right now. I cant even say if it started before the engagment, but i can say its gotten worse. We never fight but we are starting to get snippy like when he reminds me our marriage wont work if it continues. this hurts me and ive cried about it, but i say nothing because there is nothing else i can say other then repeating myself over and over, he just doesnt understand what im saying...and thats not normal, usually, he knows before i finish the thought of what im trying to say. Needless to say, this is becoming more and more frusterating, i dont want to have a divorce lawyer on speed dial BEFORE i even get married, but its making us CRAZY.

Please any advice would help. But Im BEGGING you, please dont say dont get married, weve waited so long to find each other in this world and now that we have, and are amazing together, to hear that would literally kill me. It was never a problem, and it PICKED A BAD TIME to become one.

[WildChild]

You need to get some balance in your life. The wedding is an event - it isn't your life. He's essentially told you this, "he reminds me our marriage wont work if it continues". He is right. If you have to forget the wedding and elope. Are you going to destroy your relationship over a party? The union, the intimacy, the communication and sharing of your lives is what is important.

I won't say don't get married but I will ask what is most important? What is your priority?
The relationship or the wedding?
It sounds like you've got it backwards.
Start making time for the two of you or in sound like you won't have either.

[Guest]

Love and understanding cannot deepen without sex. Do it! I suffer just because my BF lacks the drive. I am always craving!

How happy I would have been had my boyfriend done it. I am thirsting for it, dreaming and dying for it

[stressed]

First of all, TAKE A DEEP BREATH Your anxiety is obvious even in your post, in your writing. RELAX!

I was about to say that what you feel is normal until I read this:

"cant even say if it started before the engagment, but i can say its gotten worse."

When was the last time you felt you enjoyed sex? When were relaxed and enjoyed your relationship? If it started with the engagement then maybe you feel you're too much under pressure to have "the perfect wedding with the perfect husband, is he as perfect or is he not? What if he isn't? Am I really going to get married now?" and so on. Don't panic!

Is there something that's frightening you? How old are you? How long have you been together?

[Twilight24]

My only concern is this: Has it always been this way, and is he complaining? I see you say that you all have waited on this for a long time. I'm sure your lives and activities have not changed and become soo busy all of a sudden. I think u should take time and look deep within ur self to figure out what is missing. People say sex is not a major part of a relationship... i beg to differ!!! It brings the bond closer and if its lacking now imagine whats gonna happen 10 years down the line. Hope u all get it together.. Congradulations on the marriage