[stressed]

He might like the attention you give him during the "not talking stage" and wants you to take the first step every time to get in touch.

Try behaving like he does, don't start talking to him unless he starts it first, to see his reaction. He might understand what it's like to be ignored.

[Brokenwings]

You know way I tried that recently but after a few days I give up because I can't do it anymore and he knows I'll give in.
This is such childish behaviour. I do try and speak to him about this when we are on good terms, however, when I made first contact last time round, he didnt ignore me, which he has done in the past. I feel like he punishes me and I have to watch what u say in order not to be ignored.

[stressed]

As far as I know, when a man behaves like that and claims he wants to marry you, he wants to marry more than he wants you. A man truly in love doesn't act like that. It's not just childish behavior, it's the behavior of someone who's in it just to be in a relationship.

When my ex fiance did what your guy does to you, he was chatting with other girls, flirting with them when he said he was "bored" to talk with me, having crushes on other girls online, he'd browse dating sites, porn... and still wanted me to move 2.500 kms away with him and eventually marry him. Told me he loved me, he talked about plans etc. I had faith in him and believed his words, but if I knew that he had been lying to me during those 2 LDR years I would never have taken that step. Turns out he never really loved me, just wanted to "settle".

That's why I'm saying, reconsider marriage! Guys who really love you show it, they don't ignore you.

[Brokenwings]

I understand situations are different, but he is a very faithful guy which I love about him. Also if he didn't want to be with me he would tell me as he wouldn't waste his time.
Thing with him even if he has a disagreement with a friend he can go a month without talking to them.

[Hopeless Dork]

Yeah I think him being able to ignore you is a big red flag. Even if he ignores other friends... you're not 'other friends' you are supposed to be special. When a guy is 'into' a woman... he doesn't like a day to go by without hearing from her.. he wouldn't be able to go weeks without contacting her... no matter if he's stubborn or not. Thats why I think when girls hem and haw over why a guy won't make plans with them or won't return their calls... and they try to think of any excuse they can for why he isn't doing it other than the obvious 'because he doesn't want to'.

A man in love will reach out to YOU. I'm not saying he doesn't love you, there is also the possiblity that he's just taken the fact you want to make this work for granted. He knows you will cave and call, its become some reinforcement of your love for him, perhaps. A lot can happen in a week, in a month... when couples are 'on a break'... you could meet someone else and decide he isn't the one for you, most men that are in love -- do NOT want that to happen... so the idea that he'd let you go on without him for long periods of time without putting himself out there and telling you he wants to work it out with you -- is not a good sign.

I am not one for playing games, or doing what is done to you... but if you really want to know how this guy feels... let him do the work, let him meet you at least half way. If you are always the one to reach out, you will always be the one fixing things, the glue that holds your relationship together... you will always be more invested than him, which means it will always be easier for him to walk away from you than you him. You will always feel like you put in too much to walk away and he will never feel like he's put much into it , in other words... no loss.

If he wants to be with you, especially if he wants to marry you... he should have to put in some effort... including swallowing his pride and being the first one to call after an argument -- his inibility to do so is a bad sign of how he would be in other problems life throws at you guys.

[Brokenwings]

Thank you everyone for your comments, they have been so helpful.

I agree with you hopes dork, I do put so much into it more than I have ever into anything which is why I do tolerate a lot and cannot seem to let go!

How do I get this across to him, Im willing to give up my life here to marry him and move up to another state just for him. This means having no friends and family. Now I love him and he knows I can't let go, he knows I hate mind games and he knows how badly arguments and going long periods effects me. However this time round he didn't ignore me n replied back to me, but in the past he just ignored me so maybe he is finally understanding.

[jns]

It sounds like he may love you, but won't compromise or communicate. I would not call that love. It sounds like he wants ownership. If you were living together, do you think he would let it go at that or would he get frustrated and finally hit you? Would he want to control you. Is hitting and controlling also OK in a marriage? My answer is no. Take another look at your relationship. I think it is being built on shaky foundations and you can do much better.

If you want to, give him fair warning about the lack of communications. At the same time give him fair warning about his stubbornness.

[Brokenwings]

I do agree he does have a problem with his temper and in the past he has said horrible things to me. But he stopped that after I stood my ground.

I guess now I need to do the same next time we have an argument and warn him over not communicating. He has said in the past he needs to cool off, but I don't think anyone needs days over the most pettiest things.

[Brokenwings]

I do try explain everything and try pick my words carefully, and I told him he misunderstands me and then he says that I am blaming him and that I feel sorry for myself.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I feel like he punishes me and I have to watch what u say in order not to be ignored.

Brokenwings your going to walk around on eggshells for the rest of your life...You've stated he can go a month without talking to a friend, so no, it's not punishing you, personally, it's his nature...

Possibly he was controlled as a child....put down, told he was wrong, over and over and he can't deal with it.

He will continue to state there is nothing wrong with him and it is always going to be your fault....

I do agree he does have a problem with his temper and in the past he has said horrible things to me. But he stopped that after I stood my ground.

If your going to marry him, he needs to open up and tell you why he's like this...What happened in his past....and that's it's okay to be angry about it, but it's not okay to put that anger on you anymore.....If he doesn't tell you, then what ever happened was in his past, and can't be bought into his present any longer or there will be no future for you both....He has to see you mean business and your prepared to hear, understand and work with him on it, but not to walk around on eggshells for the rest of your life.

Be assertive.

CW