[Brokenwings]

I guess so. I think he knows he has an anger problem. I know he has had bad past relationships, but I also know that they have also complained about his anger. Therefore I do believe maybe something in his childhood has led him to behave this way. He has the reassurance I will always be faithful and will always try work at every problem we have, but I feel at times he works against me than with me and it is draining especially when we hardly see each other. I have honestly given this relationship everything my heart & soul and he use to be so disrespectful to me and eventually he stopped that after seeing what it does to me and again he had always been disrespectful in past relationships.

[Brokenwings]

Sometimes I feel he takes out his frustration on me and whatever bothers him outside of our relationship he brings into our relationship and takes the anger out on me.
Even tho I'm willing to listen anytime of day even in the middle of the night I will always be there to listen to him and work at whatever comes our way.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

But brokenwings...if he can't help himself, you can not save him, or help him.

Your two different people, with two different mindsets on what constitutes a relationship....This can only have a sad ending........

CW

[Brokenwings]

Then what girl what he be suited to?

[WildChild]

Then what girl what he be suited to?

He may not be suited to any girl at this time. This is a very negative behavior and he will not truly understand a need to look deeply at himself and change as long as you are making it OK. Please understand that even if you stand your ground, as long as you keep coming back, keep trying to find a way to change yourself, in his mind then his behavior is OK.

You cannot get another person to change, they have to want to. He is the only one who can make himself correct this awful behavior. This is what is called a toxic behavior.

How much time do you spend together in person?
How does he behave then?

You need to understand very clearly that marriage will not correct this behavior, if anything it is likely to get worse. Do you really want to live with this?

You might try turning the tables, altering how you respond to him. When he starts to argue, trying to make you wrong, start agreeing with him. Tell him, "I don't know how you can stand it. Why do you want to stay with me? I'm always wrong about everything, I argue with you, I do things wrong. You know, I'm not going to change. You would be much better off if you found someone else!"

If you do this you have to stick with this line and at the same time, you go right on ahead and do what you think is right. Even if you have a conversation where he tells you, you should do this, this way. You can agree but go right on ahead and do what you think is right. Let him stew and whenever he starts to pick, find fault or argue, agree with him, add more to it about how wrong you are and then go right on ahead and do what you know is right. This might change the dynamics of the relationship. You can't change him, all you can do is change how you interact with him. What you have been doing, trying to accomodate him, hasn't worked in the two years you've done it. So try something different!

If you are really smart, I think you should walk away and find someone who appreciates you and wants to be with you. You dion't need a controlling drama queen.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Very good question Someone whom is not strong, doesn't discuss, answer back, weak and what girl should be like that?

The point I am trying to make is, you understand communication..He can't do that. He gets angry, blames you, has you walking on egg shells, so you personally would be well matched with someone whom can also communicate...I believe quite a few posters here used that word....Then you would be able to be yourself totally and this thread wouldn't exist.

[jns]

Then what girl what he be suited to?

You are under no obligation to find him someone compatible or to fix him. He has to do those things for himself and he has to want to change when the time is right. You only get to live life once, don't waste too much time on people who don't want to help themselves. Find someone who will love you for being you, not someone else.

[Brokenwings]

I only asked that question because I feel I have tolerated a lot and I don't think many women would. My head and heart say two different things, yet he's the only guy that I have met that I cannot seem 2 let go. I always just work at it no matter what. But it's only when things are bad he's like this when they are good he's such an amazing person that any girl would want as their prince.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's evident you intend to (at this stage) stand by this person....

So, "how would you cope?"...

You stopped his anger with you, was that physical? You stood your ground...

Laugh at him and tell him he's being silly next time, tell him you know your right (if you are) and stand your ground...

If that doesn't work how would I cope? I wouldn't marry this person and I'd realise we are two different people and I deserve better.

Tell us, what is good that makes him your prince?
How often in 12 months have you seen him?
How old are you both?
On birthdays, anniversaries, what has he given you?
What does he do for a living?
Do you have your own friends?


CW

[Brokenwings]

I stopped him being disrespectful as I told him I would leave. Yes we both are working professionals and have friends.

We both live in two different states let's say, and because of our culture and religion we can't see each other much but he tries to see me when we can and he makes the effort to see me, he never wants me to travel on my own and always picks me up and takes me where I want. He pays for things and he made our anniversary so enjoyable and brought me nice things.
He makes a lot of effort to contact me when he can.

Now these maybe normal things in a relationship but I have met such horrible people in the past that never gave me these things but they means much to me now that I have them.