[zazzyzara5]

Ok so my bf and I have been together around 10 months and good friends before that and we're both 18. A couple of weeks ago I happened to find a pair of black lacy underwear (that weren't mine obviously) in his drawers.

The situation is -- I stay at his house quite a lot so my stuff tends to get mixed in with his, his sister and her bf also live there. They weren't his sisters and he doesnt want to ask them in case it causes any trouble because they have very recently broken up (but still living together) and her bf has cheated before. He also says it may be one of our friends as she crashed there one night.

The thing is I dont think for one second that he would ever cheat on me. We are each others best mate, he cares about me and he says I am the only girl for him (and believe me he is not a touchy feely type of guy and is usually super macho so it seems all the more true when he does say it). What really bothers me is that for some reason he seems reluctant to get rid of them. He always seems to be coming up with excuses - he doesnt want to cause trouble with his sis and her bf, it would be too awkward to talk to our friend and ask if they're hers. I started to text her the other day and he shut down and got really awkward.

I know that I can be a completely paranoid person (I have bipolar) but it's not just me right that is a little weird? I've outright told him that its tooo weird to have random underwear in the same room that your gf sleeps with you in and that i want to found out who they belong to but he still insists its nothing. And yet it doesnt seem to work both ways - a close male friend of mine (my bfs friend to begin with) and I and both naturally flirty together and once when my bf had had a little too much to drink he got completely upset with me when that is how it's always been and he knows it meant completely nothing.

I feel like I'm being a bit petty but I cant get past it - Anyone have any advice?

[rcoreyus]

You said "I dont think for one second that he would ever cheat on me", probably you should just trust your gut feeling. Since there are other people in the house there a many ways they could have gotten there.

It is odd that he doesn't want to get rid of them - I presume you mean he doesn't want to throw them out. Is there any chance they are his and he has a slight underwear fetish? (not that uncommon).

[Guest]

Just throw them away....

[JadedQueen]

After reading your post the same thing that RC said went through my mind is that he possibly has a fetish or uses them as a solo tool? The only other thing I can think of is maybe they belong to someone from his past? That's the ONLY reasons why I can think of that he would be reluctant to get rid of them. If he's concerned about not saying anything cuz it may cause problems in other relationships you would think he'd want to get rid of them in hopes that out of sight out of mind, if you don't see them or are reminded of them then you won't say anything to anyone about them avoiding any problems that he is concerned about. Not wanting to toss them does seem a bit odd to me.

[zazzyzara5]

Well the thing is they wouldn't fit him if his life depended on it lol so really dont think its a fetish thing and as for the past relationships hes only had one other sexual partner and they are the from size for her too (we're friends) ... This being said you can see why im so confused and puzzled that he doesnt just get rid of them. And he knows that it bothers me and I also know that i should just throw them away but i would really rather know where they came from first
Thank you all for the support

[Guest]

JadedQueen also mentioned that he might enjoy using them as a solo tool. Some men enjoy using women's panties to masturbate with. They like the feeling of the fabric and the subtle sensuality(may be the incorrect term) of them being women's panties to heighten their solo pleasures. Have you asked him about this? Maybe you could substitute a pair of yours for the current pair.

Obviously, there is some sort of attachment to them....like Linus and his blanket...or he wouldn't care about keeping them. You have two choices; 1) try and figure out what the attachment is by discussing it with him , or 2) just throw them away and deal with the consequences of your action.

If you were my partner and I knew they bugged you even a little bit, they'd be in the trash yesterday!

[Hopeless Dork]

Um, yeah, so he doesn't know how he ended up with them, he'd have to know why he won't throw them in the trash though, so thats what you should ask him. I wouldn't throw them away though.. his inability to do so himself should speak for itself... if you have to throw them away because he won't... theres a problem. If they are his, or some magic panties of an ex... he should tell you that so that you can decide if you want to stay with a guy that is clinging to an exes panties. If they are his and he likes to wear them, now is the time for him to just step up and tell you so...

But the fact he has another woman's panties and won't do anything about it, won't throw them out, won't explain why he wants to keep them -- that should be a big red flag for the level of communication in your relationship, how its lacking... and how much he cares for your feelings.

[BabyGirl]

I agree...
The issue here is why he won't just toss them in the trash ? If they are not his and he claims to not know who's they are then there should be no problem throwing them out.

He nor you should have to confront anyone or find out who's panties they are. Especially if it could cause distention or embarrassment in the household. This is if He has truly no idea who's they are and why they are mixed with his things?

The problem now is , that you asked why they were there and he is avoiding a direct answer coupled with the refusal to just toss them out and forget about them. You say you trust him and in my eyes you have some lingering doubt as to the validity of 100% trust.
Or else when you found them, you would have gone directly to your friends/ roomies and explained they got mixed up in yours & B/F's laundry or simply tossed them back in the laundry for whomever they belonged to to claim them.

His saying they are not his sisters brings suspicion to me. How does he know if they are or aren't his sisters ? Does he know every pair of panties she owns ? If they are your Friends that stayed the night, it should be no big thing for you to hand them to her and say they got mixed up with your things.

This will bug you until you either find out who's they are or he just shows you they are of no importance to him by simply tossing them out. If he just tosses them out, let him know you appreciate his understanding that it can be bothersome to find another woman's panties in his drawer then Drop the subject and forget about it.

If he doesn't toss them out in front of you with no procrastination, I'd be a bit worried about his attachment to them and maybe rethink the relationship. If he was honest about not knowing about them, then there is no issue, but if he can't seem to toss them then he has lied to you for some reason.

[rcoreyus]

I could see him being too embarrassed to admit that he used them as a masturbation aid. Really tough to come up with another scenario that fits what is going on.

[oxy-moron]

Maybe they are just a trophy from the past- give the poor guy a break.