[Brokenwings]

Hello Everyone,

Who has read the above book. A poster recommended it and im really interested to know if anybody has read it and how they found it?

Thanks xxxx

[KMonte85]

I haven't, but have read the reviews and asked a friend of mine who has read the book. Apparently, it isn't as man-bashing as the title would suggest.

However, my friend told me that it also suggests you meet your partner's jerky, manipulative behavor with your own manipulative behavior, sometimes quite passive-aggressively - and I can't say that I agree with this tactic. I can't see how one partner trying to out-manipulate the other could be beneficial to either side. It doesn't solve problems and makes for a toxic and miserable relationship.

Personally, I feel that if you really ARE in a relationship with a 14karat jerk, you're best off cutting your ties and getting back out there to find one of the many true gentlemen there are waiting to date you. The ONLY way I could see advice such as this being useful is in the short term, if you're stuck in a situation where you can't just end the relationship immediately (cohabitation, marriage, etc) and need a coping mechanism to use UNTIL you can get out.

[WildChild]

I'm the one who recomended the book.
What the authors, who are 2 male psychologists with years as counselors under their belts, explain is that when dealing with toxic men, you are not dealing with "normal" people, who respond to rational behavior. These types don't play or live by the "rules" and in dealing with them successfully you cannot act as you would with an emotionally healthy, rational, non-toxic man (much of it apply to dealing with toxic women too).

Instead of passing judgements without having read it, why not read the book? I read extensively, there is a reason that I think a lot of our posters would benefit from reading this book. We get a lot of people here who are in relationships with toxic people and who are unwilling to just walk away or who get into repeated relationships with toxic men. They need to understand what they are dealing with and how to respond effectively. When you are dealing with someone who "doesn't play fair" and who is a master manipulator and if you aren't willing to simply get out, you do need to understand that being rational and just trying to talk with them isn't going to get you anywhere.

Just read the book. If it doesn't make sense for your situation then you don't have to apply any of what the counselors have found does work with toxic men. I'm not a manipulative game player but I have been in several relationships with toxic men and I found this information very insightful and helpful.

[KMonte85]

I cannot, in good faith, suggest to ANYONE to stay in a relationship with a toxic person and learn effective coping mechanisms in dealing with them. It is counter-productive, in my opinion - and because of that, I will not read it, nor suggest others to. To me, there are better options out there - like learning to love yourself more than you love being with someone, and expecting and tolerating nothing short of a loving, supportive, healthy relationship.

Although I understand there are people out there who unwilling to walk away from toxic partners and toxic relationships, I believe they would be better suited researching why they feel they don't deserve better, and how they can overcome those feelings and begin a journey of love and acceptance, as opposed to learning how to out-maneuver their toxic partners in a mental chess game of manipulation.

[WildChild]

Regardless of what you feel you can or cannot support, there are people in relationships with toxic people and who will not leave. It isn't healthy, it would be better if they got out but they often won't. IF you read this book you find that this is exactly what these counselors say. But they say that no matter what they say, there are people who will not leave, so they at lease provide someometimes effective ways of changing how you interact with them.

As so many of us have said so many times, you can't make someone else change all you can do is change what you do or how you interact with them.

[caterpillar79]

I agree on that, WC..."(if)you can't make someone else change all you can do is change what you do or how you interact with them".

I got the book and will be reading it soon. I might be one of those who prefer to stay (unless extremely provoked to do otherwise).

[jns]

I haven't read it, but the title is misquoted. The title is: "Let's Face it, Men are $$#%\e$": What Women Can Do About It . That is from amazon. The title is very clever. is a, $ is s, # is h, etc. Misquoting it doesn't make the title come out right. Does the profanity filter chew it up?

[jns]

I have my answer, the profanity filter chewed up all of the "at" signs ( the same ones used in an email address). "At" is a.

[JadedQueen]

KMonte.... I agree people shouldn't stay in toxic relationships... BUT, unless you have been in one and despite knowing you need to get out, and wanting to get out often times there are no resources to do so and it takes time to make arrangements to get out of the relationship. It's very easy for people to say if the relationship is unhealthy then leave, but when you have no where to go, no money etc... that puts a different spin on things and sometimes you have to tolerate the toxic relationship the best way you can while you plan, save, and make arrangements to leave. The book sounds interesting and sometimes relationships may not be "toxic" but the person you are in the relationship may be wired differently due to upbringing, environment, past relationship and maybe this book might have helpful hints on how to deal with those situations...

Thank you for the info WC. I'm not in a toxic relationship (any longer) towards the end of the relationship my lack of caring turned the tables and his actions/reactions were very surprising it was a complete role reversal but by that point the relationship was too broken to even try to put back together. Do you know if the book is in PDF form?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I have my answer, the profanity filter chewed up all of the "at" signs ( the same ones used in an email address). "At" is a.

Usually this would be deleted, (no going past the profanity filter with $$%'s, however, can't see how you could have asked the question, so therefore, this once this is allowed.

Sorry jns, the profanity filter is there for a reason Sometimes we allow an exeption....

CW