I'm in a situation that is very hard for me to think clearly in. I'm recently divorced and it's such a long story that I don't know where to start.
In a summary, if possible: he is extremely jealous, maybe paranoid/delusional jealousy from what I've read lately, gets extremely angry and upset over nothing, checked my phone, scoured my computer, planted a micro-tape recorder trying to catch me talking to someone on the phone while he was gone, pretended to be a stranger on a chat to try to 'catch' me flirting, basically spent 90% of our entire relationship (married and before), trying to catch me cheating and get me to confess, was angry at me thinking I had cheated (I never did), and raped me. The first time he did this, I was telling him to stop, leave me alone, and he kept on. The second time, I was afraid to tell him no, and was hoping he would get through without hurting me more than he was. The second time, it was very violent and I thought for a while I needed to go to the doctor.
After that second time, I filed for, and eventually got a divorce. I have moved to a different town about 1/2 hour from where we used to live and where he still lives. He has pushed me, yelled and screamed at me so much it scared me, called me a sl*t, and is constantly dwelling on the idea that I have been with someone else.
Even though we are living apart, he is pushing to get back together. Says he won't do any of those things again. He says he did those things because I made him angry. I know that's not right, and have told him that I'm not responsible for his actions, but in his mind, I'm still the reason he did what he did. If I won't do "this" or "that", he won't be the way he was before.
I miss him, and have feelings for him, and am afraid I will eventually let him move in with me here. I know somewhere inside that I shouldn't do that, but I don't know how to let this all go and tell him to leave me alone. We weren't married very long (less than a year) and dated about a year before. I met him right after coming out of a long-term emotionally abusive marriage.
Sometimes I feel trapped and so confused. There isn't anyone I can talk to that I want to know all of these details and would like any input here from others. This is getting me down and weighing heavily on me.
In a summary, if possible: he is extremely jealous, maybe paranoid/delusional jealousy from what I've read lately, gets extremely angry and upset over nothing, checked my phone, scoured my computer, planted a micro-tape recorder trying to catch me talking to someone on the phone while he was gone, pretended to be a stranger on a chat to try to 'catch' me flirting, basically spent 90% of our entire relationship (married and before), trying to catch me cheating and get me to confess, was angry at me thinking I had cheated (I never did), and raped me. The first time he did this, I was telling him to stop, leave me alone, and he kept on. The second time, I was afraid to tell him no, and was hoping he would get through without hurting me more than he was. The second time, it was very violent and I thought for a while I needed to go to the doctor.
After that second time, I filed for, and eventually got a divorce. I have moved to a different town about 1/2 hour from where we used to live and where he still lives. He has pushed me, yelled and screamed at me so much it scared me, called me a sl*t, and is constantly dwelling on the idea that I have been with someone else.
Even though we are living apart, he is pushing to get back together. Says he won't do any of those things again. He says he did those things because I made him angry. I know that's not right, and have told him that I'm not responsible for his actions, but in his mind, I'm still the reason he did what he did. If I won't do "this" or "that", he won't be the way he was before.
I miss him, and have feelings for him, and am afraid I will eventually let him move in with me here. I know somewhere inside that I shouldn't do that, but I don't know how to let this all go and tell him to leave me alone. We weren't married very long (less than a year) and dated about a year before. I met him right after coming out of a long-term emotionally abusive marriage.
Sometimes I feel trapped and so confused. There isn't anyone I can talk to that I want to know all of these details and would like any input here from others. This is getting me down and weighing heavily on me.
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