[Lucy2009]

Hi folks,

Me again! I seem to be posting here regularly at the minute as I need advice so much!

Ok briefly, saw a guy for 6 months, thought we were happy, then he announces he just wants to be friends as he doesn't think he's good enough for me (he has low self esteem). Have seen him a few times since, been to the movies etc. Last night we went for a meal and went back to his after and chatted/watched a dvd.

I texted him when I got back to say I was home. Then he texted me til midnight (30+ times) with quite suggestive stuff...shame we were in different beds, he wanted to run his hands all over me etc...and then next time I come over will I go to bed!?!? I'm not sure to be honest whether he was serious (we never had sex when we dated)

Just a bit confused really. If he's thinking things like this then maybe he still has feelings for me? He's quiet and sensitive and honestly doesn't do this sort of thing. I'm certainly not going to be a friend with benefits, but how the do I play this with him now....am I normal/cool?

Help!!!!!!

[OregonGirl]

I would say to turn him down. You don't just want to be a booty call in the middle of the night. Flirting and suggestions are fun but in my opinion you should definitely wait until you've got some sort of stable relationship before taking the big step to sex.

Flirt back, make him want you and make him want to be with you in that subtle way that we women are so skilled at, but don't give in.

[Guest]

I'm not sure that flirting back is the best idea.... Definitely don't want to be a friend with benefits either.... If this guy has low self-esteem then he was probably flirting with you in an effort to make himself feel better, if only for a moment. Flirting back fuels that fire in addition it tells him that you still want him.

Unless you do, draw a clear line in the sand and be done with it. I would suggest not answering his texts late at night, instead just go to sleep and catch up with him in the morning. How many other "friends" text you late at night? How many other "friends" text you suggestive things? Playing this game with him makes him think that there is still something there.

He broke up, it's over, it's done. Remain friends if you want, but don't lead him on by participating in his game playing.

[Lucy2009]

Hi both, thanks for your replies. I know you are right, definately no to friends with benefits I do still have feelings for him though and I would like to give our relationship another go. I have really missed him today and been thinking about him all day

Just confused now, I had drawn a line under us and put my feelings away, now they are back...great

[WildChild]

Don't play games. Tell him what you want, plain and simple and then leave it alone. The ball will be in his court. Don't drag it out either. Don't sit waiting for the phone to ring so to speak and do not mistake his wanting sex with his wanting a relationship. They aren't the same thing.

[Guest]

Had WC not already replied, I would have said something similar.

Take her advice. As is frequently the case, it is right on target.

[OregonGirl]

I wasn't talking about playing games. I don't want anyone to think that's what I meant.

I simply meant to let him know that you still want him and like him in a subtle way rather than an overbearing "this is how I feel, if you want me you need to make a commitment to me". I think that sometimes the straight forward act can scare them off. I think it's much better to take your time and fall in love again.

[Hopeless Dork]

I think it would be different if they just met... but since they use to be dating, I think being honest about what she really wants... is the best bet.. because if what she wants is so different than what he wants that it scares him off... then better that happen sooner than later.

[solla]

Hi.i am from Russia.i want to find new friends.i will be glad to talk.a am sorry.i study english

[Lucy2009]

Thanks for your replies. I feel so down today, and lost....I can't stop crying.

Anyway thanks for your help.