[Guest]

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

IF, what you say about your husband is true, why go there again? And who 'schedules' anything with their spouse?

The ONLY thing I would consider scheduling is an appointment with a professional and asking your husband to go along. IF he says no, go anyway, as I'm sure you will find it helpful. Then schedule another appointment and keep going....HE may come along at some point. If not, at least you're getting the help you need.

[WildChild]

A lot of counselors recommend that couples schedule time to talk or to have sex.
Since you are aware that your husband may soon be unemployed, is there any chance of seeing a counselor while you still have insurance? Do take advantage of that while you have it. Get everyone in for a checkup too, and a dental exam while you still have coverage.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I don't think your being selfish desiree, rather you are very un-happy in your life at present.

Checking out My-Space, Facebook, searching for this man manifested from, you not being happy in your life, at present, out of work, your husband will soon be out of work, no sex, no romance, no intimacy, no laughter, so you purely and simply like most people do, look back at a time when you remember that you were happy and then comes the "what if?"...

You've spent considerable time, viewing this man, his life, and probably fallen asleep dreaming as well, and started questioning, what if? ...

The selfish part may be, (may be) that in that what if, you realised there was a card, to play...Your daughter, that would re-connect you two into conversation and that may lead to something but then you've realised you are using a card, so in comes the but I would never let her know.

Your husband, now...is the Father, regardless, 16 years he has been there for her...

If you made the wrong choice in husbands, that is life...If you are not happy and talking doesn't change things, and you are dreaming of a more romantic life with intimacy and love, and can't get it, then your daughter is old enough to handle separation of parents...

Find work, get a life, and find hobbies, mingle with friends, start to become independent and be able to stand on your own two feet and follow the road it takes you.

It could be that you are both depressed, no finances .....

You are viewing it the wrong way, he doesn't have to help you out...You both should be able to communicate, compromise and work it out....

If he gets mad and ignores you, and always has, then you've been putting up with non- communication in a sexless, loveless marriage for a long time...

It is you that needs to work on you and find your feet and a life you are happy with...

This thread is based on you as other's have said....

Leave your daughter out of it, because she has become a card, to play that you don't want to do...

CW

[London09]

I think you need to just let this go and keep your mouth shut. You are opening a can of worms that cannot be closed. What will the grandparents think, feel, aunts, uncles other children. Mouth shut, get a hobby.

[desiree1974]

I am going to try to work on myself first and foremost. I see my doc for my high blood pressure on Monday of next week and I am going to ask him if he can recommend a low to no cost therapist for me to begin seeing. As of tommorrow, I am going to start dieting. I usually walk 5 miles everyday, but the weight jut keeps piling on. I honestly believe it is depression. I cry all the time for no reason sometimes. That makes me miserable in itself. I have gained 60 pounds in the last year, I have not been able to find a job in about 6months.

I have been putting up with this for way too long and I belive it has just come crashing down at once, especially in light of the debt we are in and now no jobs, looking at moving, and so on.

I do admit I have never been really happy and that is my fault. I have to take a stand and do what I want and get what I want out of life. I thank you all for allowing me to see that.

I hope if the time comes and my daughter does have to find out, her and the other man can possibly understand and forgive me. If not, that is the decision I made and I do have to live with it.

[desiree1974]

Well, Just a quick update. My blood pressure is even higher than it was. Before it was at stroke level, so to speak, my doc said he did not know how I have not had one. He changed my meds to some other kind of blood pressure med and ran a bunch of tests. The closest licsened therapist to me is 75 miles. Great, now I am back at square one. I can not go that far every week or whatever, especially with gas prices and all. I just feel everything is so hopeless.

[oxy-moron]

Hi

your high blood pressure is a possible clue to what is wrong in your relationship.
There is a neuro hormone called Oxytocin that will lower stress and blood pressure.
It is also the building block of relationships. When a relationship has been established for a while Oxytocin in created by touch -massage and sex. Do some research on it.
You can boost your own Oxytocin by massaging your partner.
Talk to your man about doing some massage sessions with him- It needs to be a gentle type of massage.
Once your Oxytocin level is high you will have more interest in your current relationship and your blood pressure will go down.


Google A Cuddle a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

From research on the impact of Oxytocin by Dr. Kathleen Light

Light found that the warm contact raised oxytocin blood levels in both men and women if they had supportive partners. These elevations were related to a decrease in blood pressure (BP) in women, but not, she said, in men.

Note also that if you get your husbands Oxytocin level up he will pay more attention to you and be more supportive. Good luck

[Guest]

"The closest licsened therapist to me is 75 miles. Great, now I am back at square one. I can not go that far every week or whatever, especially with gas prices and all."

Do you have a church? Are you involved? Perhaps the "licensed therapist" will work with you online. Do you have a web cam? If you live in the country then your choices may be limited somewhat, but I don't think you should give up so quickly.

Nobody said any of this was going to be easy, but you've got to be willing to think outside of the box and make more effort than just a few phone calls.

Nobody can help you IF you're not willing to help yourself.

[desiree1974]

I just looked at online therapists. Has anyone had any experience with any of them? I do not want to throw my money away, when I need the help. I found one where it is a months session through email for 350.00. Please let me know if anyone has used an online service like this. I would rather go in person, but that looks like it is not an option right now since it is so far away.

[desiree1974]

Just a quick bump to see if any online counseling has been used by anyone and if they could recommend the best site. Thanks!