[anoctopuskiss]

I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with me for awhile... Well, I am 19 years old and I've made attempts to have multiple relationships but for some reason, whenever I feel like I'm getting closer to someone, I get anxious and stressed. Its like an ongoing panic attack. Its not anything they are doing, they're all just existing. There is something definitely wrong with me. This feeling is definitely NOT butterflies, its painful and upsetting and its preventing me from getting anywhere with anyone. Please if anyone has any idea on what this could be, let me know. I had a not so good experience when I was younger but I hardly believe that has anything to do with it. I've had a happy healthy life, I'm afraid it might be a disorder or something. Any ideas?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It sounds like you are a strong minded person, and intelligent.

You've questioned yourself whether this past experience has something to do with it but blown it off, you're stronger.

You say you had a happy childhood right?

Could there be something supressing there in your childhood and the bad experience triggered it but you're blocking it?

This is a want, desire, but fear steps in and you get anxious.stressed, don't believe it will happen, work...

Have you tried hypnotherapy?

What was that thing that happened and how much love did you get from your parents growing up and , is there anyone in your immediate family that you detest, and do not want to speak to...

CW

[anoctopuskiss]

It sounds like you are a strong minded person, and intelligent.

You've questioned yourself whether this past experience has something to do with it but blown it off, you're stronger.

You say you had a happy childhood right?

Could there be something supressing there in your childhood and the bad experience triggered it but you're blocking it?

This is a want, desire, but fear steps in and you get anxious.stressed, don't believe it will happen, work...

Have you tried hypnotherapy?

What was that thing that happened and how much love did you get from your parents growing up and , is there anyone in your immediate family that you detest, and do not want to speak to...

CW

I've never thought about hypnotherapy, that could be a possibility. My parents were nothing nurturing and loving, not in an over protective sense. They've supported me and let me make my own decisions. They encourage me to be the best I can be, guided me with the best they could, they are truly wonderful people so I haven't given that a second thought. As for anyone else in my immediate family, I don't believe they've upset me in anyway to cause such dislike.

As for the bad experience, I've questioned if it could be the root of it but I don't think it could be. I've come to terms with it, accepted it, and moved on. I've talked to my mom and closest friend about it but have told no one else. I think it could have birthed a trust problem but I don't think that could be the entire cause. I'm truly stumped myself. Could it have anything to do with me being independent? I've been fine being on my own because I've given myself time to be gain self esteem and self confidence. I always thought, why bother trying to be with people if you don't like yourself? Now I'm too the point where I love myself and I want share that with others.

I'm not completely desperate for companionship, I'm still fine on my own but it would be nice if I were able to share my feelings with someone.

This issue really perplexes me. What's stopping me I wonder?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I typed a long one, darn website, lost it

You are independent, love yourself, grounded, have a good background,family, can converse no problems with them, had one bad experience, moved on, got stronger, you can be happy on your own, you don't "need" but want...

19?

How many men "boys" at that age are going to be able to relate?

Not many, a small percentage...

That's your fear.

Maybe you need to aim a little older, you're mature, wise, I am where you are and I am 47...

A confident woman whom is in-tune, loves life, herself, and is free, independant, not clingy, in-secure?

You're an old soul....but 19

[anoctopuskiss]

Aww, you're too kind. It is definitely a want and its not something I need to survive. I could just be wanting some sort of companionship due to many at my age and older searching for it. Love seems to be blossoming all around me and maybe because I see this, I yearn to cultivate something beautiful too.

This is true, not many people are able to relate to my feelings, maybe I feel the way I am because I'm being approached and not the approachee? I've tried various typed of people, older and younger and the anxiety is the same. I tend to veer toward older people, I don't see eye to eye with a lot of people my age.

You're very insightful, this is very helpful.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Love seems to be blossoming all around me and maybe because I see this, I yearn to cultivate something beautiful too.

But, because you love yourself, you are not prepared to settle

None of which have approached you are what you are searching for, in my opinion....

You are also trying to hard, to make something happen instead of going with that intuition of knowledge that it WILL happen when he comes along....

Maybe stop looking at what others are doing, and just get on with your life, knowing that it will happen to you when the time is right.

Forceing or trying to, and knowing na, that's not the one, is giving you the anxiety of why not?

We I think together answered that one

CW

[anoctopuskiss]

You know, you're absolutely right. I NEED to stop watching others and follow on forward to what I want. I NEED to stop letting what others do influence me because its obvious that its not making me happy. I am happy being who I am and its up to me to know who, what, when, and why I want be with someone.

Although I am happy with who I am, I tend to doubt myself. I just need try follow my intuition and not let these people twist my judgment (not that they're doing it purposely). I gotta stop letting others peoples' decisions affect me! I need to go with the flow more instead of forcing myself to go with someone else's flow.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Bit spiritual too are you?

We are our own person.... We don't have to live in someone's life, ours is "to own" as we want it

You'll be fine, the doubt is only curiousity if you are doing things right, you are correct follow your intuition, welcome to the Forum from what ever Island you are from haha...

I think you've answered, again now , your own question....

CW