[caster]

Thanks for the feedback.
One thing you have to consider is how long we've been together. Over 28 years, so I do know her well enough that what I'm planning isn't remotely controlling.
We rarely use our cell phones, and the TV is a distraction we both admit we need to get away from, we sometimes keep it off in the evening just so we'll talk more. If I could get the property management to set up the main room I would, I could do the bedroom once we're inside.
And if she balked at the clothing options I wouldn't be mad or pouting, my main concern is she'd feel bad for not appreciating the effort.

I asked her about taking a half day off so we could leave early, now she wants to know what I have planned, with her self proclaimed OCD it'll drive her nuts not knowing, but I can tell it has her intriqued that I'm planning this without her. The only part I didn't like is she was asking what she'd need to go out to dinner, what kind of shopping was around etc...
The last thing we need is a typical weekend get away of shopping and eating out, this needs to be intimate, special and different in some way.

I'll put some more thought into it, I still have a couple of weeks.

[Ashlee T.]

I think it's great. After being married for 28 years, there is most certainly a trust level there different from what I can comprehend. When you said she could only wear 1 of 3 things, I cringed a bit thinking how I'd feel trapped, controlled, if it were me. But being this is your wife, someone you trust and who trusts you, I'm sure she wouldn't take it that way. Make sure this is going both ways though...if you have these ideas set forth for her, be sure you have them for yourself too. You might even say "Okay, for our upcoming weekend, I need you to pick 3 things you love to see me in when we're just lounging around". Let her pick for you. She might say : Flannel pants and tshirt, boxers, and nothing! That lets her have some involvement too. You don't have to tell her why, but it will let her be involved plus get her even more intrigued.

[Guest]

Ask the proerty management to set up the entire cabin as "part of" renting the cabin and offer to give them an extra of $$$ IF they will put some champagne in the fridge with strawberries or whatever....

A well thought out, well planned weekend...............$250

Carrying miscellaneous food items with you to cabin to enhance said weekend..............$125

Having the cabin all arranged and stocked with items like champagne, flowers and strawberries when you walk in the door....PRICELESS !!

Go the extra mile and arrange to have as much of it done in advance, by someone else, as you can. Put the toys out when she's in the shower.

Have a GREAT weekend!

[AussieNess]

I agree with Beautiful Disaster, Make sure this is going both ways, have 3 ideas of clothing for yourself, that she gets to choose for you to wear....or something along those lines

Other than that, sounds like you have a great plan. Personally, I don't think it sounds controlling at all. By the sounds of all the misfortunes and drama that has happened in your families, and the self-proclaimed OCD its most probably a good thing for you to initiate all of these plans, and for her to know worry or plan anything, just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride

Hope you both have fun!

[Claret]

This all sounds lovely, but - (there is always a but isn't there).

Have you also planned some conversation? Have you more to do outside the bedroom? I believe conversation should be key. You need to re-connect in more ways than one and you should get on the same page with what's been going on in your lives. You've had major upsets in your lives, are you both through grieving? Do you have other worries at home that would be impacting her normal sense of intimacy with you?

I, for one, would be pleased if my hubby did something like this for me. I would appreciate the time and effort and true meaning behind what was being done. I would welcome the opportunity to re-connect both physically and emotionally.

Just don't plan to the point where nothing is spontaneous and in that way, by leaving some wiggle room, you won't be disappointed it it all doesn go exactly according to your plan. Spontaniety is good.

[caster]

As some of you may have seen in my other posts the last few days, my mood and desires for a fun playful intimate weekend have been dashed by cold waters.
Without getting into details I've let out little bits of info to let her know I wanted it to be an intimate weekend for the two of us before booking the cabin.

It's difficult to type this without coming across as ****ed off at women in general at the moment, and some of this is just venting, but with all the "documented" desires of my wife, and other women, to have men open themselves up to romance, to a weekend of pleasure and/or comfort for only the two of them, that when the time comes to actually do it, she finds a way to take it all back because sex and intimacy isn't that important to her. She'll "take care of me" though.

I'll be damed if I'll go on a long weekend with just the two of us so she can enjoy herself shopping and eating out, getting back to late and tired for sex, wanting to sleep in before hitting the town square for brunch, and maybe I'll get "lucky" once for holding her purse while she tries on clothes? Ain't gonna happen this time. We'll stay home before I go that route as I'd be totally frustrated the whole time.
Too late for me to dial back my hopes for the weekend, even though I knew I wouldn't get everything I'd planned I'd at least hoped for just the two of us for two days, talking and getting back in touch with each other.

Having two people in love spending two full days together, exploring each other, pleasing each other, cooking meals together, sharing bottles of wine, reading on the porch, snuggle by the fireplace or enjoying the outdoor hot tub while being alone together in the mountains, now that's the weekend I was looking at for us and she knows it. Even though I didn't tell her where we were going I told her it was just the two of us, no outside interests or distraction all weekend.

"She'll take care of me" is her way of letting me know that neither sex nor intimacy is gonna happen other than the same o same o. So to speak.
I'm tired of trying and I'm ****ed off. It's gotta be a two way street.

Ladies, if your guy is trying this hard, just go with it and don't try and re-write the script, ad lib but don't re-write it. He's worked hard on his plan to please you, whether he got it right or not.

[Claret]

So sorry that your weekend isn't going to go on as you had hoped. Perhaps I can offer an explanation or something for you to think about. After 28 years you and your wife have probably fallen into a regular routine. I touch her here, she does that, I kiss her here she resonds this. It becomes all old and familiar and comforting at the same time. Now here you are suggesting something entirely foreign and just perhaps she may be embarrassed, or afraid or shy all of a sudden. Perhaps she doesn't know how to be completely spontaneous anymore and is afraid to try.
Baby steps - take an evening at home and and try something new. Don't make a big deal out of it - just do it. Next time add something else and see how she responds.
Take her to dinner and a show, then go home and open up a bottle of wine, light some candles, put on music ask her to dance, kiss her, caress her and see where this leads.
Women can be very complex - yet simple things can tug at our hearts.

[stariana]

If you are trying to do something nice, and get angry because YOUR expectations are not being met, maybe you should reconsider your expectation level. It sounds lovely, don't get me wrong, but . . . you know exactly how YOU expect things to go. If your wife is having a "hard time" with life, the last thing she is going to want is feeling like a failure because she didn't do what YOU expected. Shouldn't it be approached as finding your way back to each other . . . together? Sounds to me like you have the plan, and she BETTER go along, or else. That doesn't sound very loving to me. It sounds more like controlling. If intimacy is what you are looking for, you might want to soften the approach. How about communicating with her? There's a lot to be said for a man who can actually converse with a woman, without expectations of the outcome.

[caster]

Striana, she has no idea I'm ****ed, nor will she, and I'm not controlling. I was planning a weekend for just the two of us. All she had were hints of an intimate weekend that I was planning for us. What ya'll read is 10 times the info she's gotten. It was to be a nice intimate getaway that "she's" been wanting us to do for a long time.
But as it gets closer she just wants to get away, not reconnect, even though she knows we really need to.
It will fade into the past, since the cabin isn't booked if I don't bring it up again I'm pretty sure she won't. If she does she'll find out my disapointment but I'll say we'll try again when she feels she can enjoy it, or something along those lines.

Claret, I really don't know what to try. She hates any change, but we're reaching an impass where something is going to have to change. We went to dinner and a concert the other night, we had a great time. We talked, drank wine and spent the evenings together this past weekend and had a nice time, but no intimacy at all. She just doesn't know how or care anymore and I'm at my wits end.
We're a fairly happy couple and never argue or fight, but we're without the intimacy we need to survive, or at least I need, she seems ok without it.

[pretzel]

One of the things is right now, the two of you seem to have different definitions of what reconnecting is, what it is that each of you want and how to achieve those goals. To be honest, I disagree that she doesn't know or doesn't care. There are days when I feel the same as you and believe me, if I didn't shave my head, I'd have pulled all my hair out by now, it does get that frustrating. At some point, it may end up resulting in arguments and ill feelings. Hopefully it won't but when frustration reaches a point it becomes hard not to have it boil over.