[eliz26]

Thank you all very much. I am really glad I decided to post these questions and am grateful for the feedback. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, and also that what is meant to be will be. I need to just go with the flow of life and "enjoy the ride!"

I stumbled across a quote today by Marilyn Monroe that I am sure you all have seen a dozen times, but I think it's really amazing and wanted to share.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
- Marilyn Monroe

[stressed]

You can't take a huge leap forward unless you take a few steps backward first

[Guest]

Couldn't agree with Hopeless Dork any more. She mirrors my point of view exactly. You and this man can have a long loving relationship. It can bear children if you require it. Who knows what the future holds? Che sera ! Make the most of it. If you also believe in destiny then he is the right man for you. If age is the only box that isn't ticked then just throw that box away and keep all the lovely other boxes !! x

[oxy-moron]

I have seen this type of relationship play out twice over the years- both times to distant relatives.
Neither lasted long enough to see the children through to their teens. Wait another year till the infatuation is over before you make any serious commitment to him.

[spurzzz]

Age Gap

I have been in a relationship with an older women 15 years my senior, my ex in fact, so I guess I can comment on your query about age difference.

To me there are always ups and downs with this sort of situation. As a younger male, I appreciated her knowledge, wisdom and warmth. My Ex had a house and everything Adult. This was nice and a big change to dating a younger woman. She had an older daughter who lived away so it was nice to be left alone like that. When we were together we were very much in Love, inseperable to say the least. This is nice and everything that goes with it but......

The age gap card. Her experiences of past relationships were not good, abusive relationships etc. She had an Alcohol problem. In short, she had issues to deal with in her past. As a younger person, this is not so easy to deal with. I did not have the experience to deal with this as an older individual would have. Finance as mentioned above plays a huge role. I found a key problem was that our wants and needs were different. Remember, as an older, you have "been there done that" and the way you percieve things is a lot different. For example; I want to go out on a friday night, she is feeling sleepy by 9pm.

Now, this will not be the case straight away, but over time you know big factors will come into play. I would advise not to rush anything as you are just coming out of a Divorce. The fact you have raised these concerns at such an early stage of your relationship with him is saying something. You know the question and you know the answer hun, just be patient and strong. Your parents will always be there for you and look out for you so don't be afraid to listen to them. I think society is against that idea and will mostly tell you to be free and don't listen to them. It is good friends and our family that will be there for us no matter what. Maybe that is what you need right now rather then going into another relationship with unsettled emotions.

Oh, I am 26 too btw. So I am on your level

[eliz26]

I am not looking to commit to anything serious right now, but this is a relationship I want to "explore." I see no harm in that. ;-) Thanks for all the posts.

[Guest]

Go for it girl. Whatever happens, you'll not regret that you tried. Best of luck x

[eliz26]

So... things have been going really well (up until today) with this man that I am seeing. I have tried taking all of your advice by just allowing things to happen as they come, without trying to analyze every detail. I think I've done a fair job of this up until recently. A few small occurances have really caused me to question the relationship. I love him a lot, but I don't know if these "events" are signs that he isn't right. As these things have happened, I have sort of realized that the love I feel may not be the kind of love that is needed for a relationship to endure. See below...

I said the other night on the phone that I really wanted to have a get together at my house with some friends from work (by the way, we work together) and he remained silent. I asked him if that did not sound like fun to him and in a very irritated tone, he said "not to me." I am not a partier by any means, but I do like to have fun and enjoy life. We are both serious at times, but I feel like he might be a bit too serious. And another thing... he was staying over the other night and I asked him for an opinion on a skirt that I have. I wasn't completely sure if the length was appropriate for work, so I asked for his opinion. All he could say was "I don't know." This totally baffled me. I was like is it too short? too form fitting? what is it? All he could say was "I don't know." He had an attitude and it hurt my feelings that he could not even answer a simple question, so unfortunately, I started crying. So silly, I know! Thing is, he never offered to console me until I asked him why he wasn't trying to comfort me. He apologized.

I realize that I might be being nit picky, but I need to hear some of your thoughts. You all have been so nice to share your insights with me thus far. I really love this man, but I am starting to wonder if I love the thought of him and his love for me more than I actually love who he is?? There I said it. help!

[eliz26]

I forgot to add the really important thing:

So I finally shared my feelings with him on the phone a little while ago. I know the phone wasn't the proper medium in which to have such a discussion, but it was all that was available and I had to get things off my chest. He just sat silent the whole time. I feel like such a mean person for sharing this stuff. I don't want to lose him, but I don't know that I need to keep him at the same time. He is such a nice man. There are just so many factors that make this hard, age being a biggie. We have such a huge connection, but there are just certain things that I feel are keeping me from loving him fully. What to do?