[swimgirl18]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now. He has never in the time that I have known him, as far as I know, has expressed an interest in strip clubs or has ever been to one. Although, recently a friend from his work invited him to one. I found out because I was trying to make plans with him one night and asked if he was free on tuesday. He said he was going out for beers after work that night and couldn't get together. Seeing as how he usually invites me to those kinds of things I was expecting an invitation and when I didn't get one I asked if it was a "guys night" or something? He said yes, but looked like he was hiding something (He's a very bad liar and it shows). I bugged him for the details and he finally told me they were planning on going to a strip club. I asked him why he was trying to hide it from me and he said he thought I would get angry. I did end up getting angry, but only because he was trying to hide it from me. I've been to lots of strip clubs (as a female) with ex-boyfriends and he knew that. Although recently (within the last years) my opinions about them have changed and I guess you could say I am boycotting strip clubs.

Anyways, I'm a little bit worried now because since the issue has been brought up between us, things have been tense and we aren't really speaking about it. I don't know what to do. I believe quite strongly that strip clubs are detrimental to female empowerment and can and do lead to violence and social stigma against women. It bothers me that he would want to go to a place like that when he knows how I feel about them. I feel like if he respects ME and WOMEN in general than he won't go to a strip club. I don't know ... i just feel silly now and feel as though I'm thinking about it too much. I just really don't want him to get a lap dance....and I really don't want him to be one of those men who drool over women with huge boobs and a hot . I want to be the only naked girl he looks at (at least in the flesh, porn is another story).

Any thoughts?? Please?

[WildChild]

This is a highly individual thing.
Has he been to one before? If not there may be some curiosity.
The man I'm seeing (I'd guess that we are old enough to be your parents) has certainly been in them before and working construction - well some things kind of go with the territory, at least up to a certain age. Not long ago he told me one of his buddies wanted him to go to a fairly "low rent" strip club with him. I just laughed and asked, "Do you like paying to be sexually frustrated?" I followed that up something along the lines of, "Instead of hanging out with a bunch of half drunk, horny men, you could spend some time in bed with a naked horny woman".

He gave the strip club a miss.

I agree that they aren't a very positive environment but sometimes its better to use enticement, distraction and honey than disapproval, lecturing or anger.

[Guest]

Hmmm, a toughie for me...

How about discussing a compromise? Like once and done. Let him go, experience whatever it is he's going to experience and get him to agree that he doesn't go again based on how you feel about them?

As a male, I've never really understood the whole attraction to them. Have I been to them? Yes I have and they didn't do a thing for me.

I'll take a completely naked and horny woman at home who is honestly attracted to me over the 'fantasy' of one of those establishments anytime.

Though Canadien clubs tend to have more relaxed rules and regs. than in the U.S., how much can really go on?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ask your self, why you didn't mind going to them yourself with your ex-boyfriend, and why you feel a guys night out including a strip club because boys will be boys, worries you...

You said you don't want him to get a lap dance or see another woman naked persay, yet it was okay with you and your ex, together.... don't feel that you are less attractive naked madam, he respects you and loves you and women in general, strippers often do this only for a living, knowing in their minds no other way, or greed of money Apart from that? It's the woman the man feels is the one he wants to be with...

You are safe.

CW

[swimgirl18]

Thanks for your reply. It is definitely not a matter of me "letting" him go. He can do whatever he chooses, I just hope that he doesn't. As for "how much can really go on?" I've been to Canadian strip clubs where you can pay for sex (illegally of course), but it can be done.

[jns]

I just laughed and asked, "Do you like paying to be sexually frustrated?" I followed that up something along the lines of, "Instead of hanging out with a bunch of half drunk, horny men, you could spend some time in bed with a naked horny woman".

"Instead of hanging out with a bunch of half drunk, horny men, you could spend some time in bed with a naked horny woman"

That is one great line.

[WildChild]

LOL. He hasn't found anything to complain about yet.

[Guest]

Thank you for your reply.

Based on what you've said, IMO, it all comes down to trust. You need to trust that he can go and have a good time without crossing the line.

There might be a certain amount of perceived risk with him going to one of these establishments, but he either goes with your support or goes without it. Either way, it appears that he is going....

Accept that fact and move on.

[pretzel]

Agree with Seeker,

Not all differences of opinions and things one does that you may not totally agree with rise to the level of getting angry and frustrated over.

Whatever his reasonings, curiosity, thrill of seeing naked women dancing seductively, whatever, as long as he doesn't cross any line of disrespect to you, I'd let it be. For now. If it becomes a habit, that's another story.

[Calicorado83]

I have strong opinions about strip clubs too. Just last month I went to one with my boyfriend (unwillingly but I was trying to allow him to have a good time) I told him before that it made me uncomfortable. But I wasn't going to let him go without me because NOT knowing what was going on there would make me even more uncomfortable. I DID NOT want him to receive a lap dance. So he didn't get one.

My opinion on it is if he respects ME, his GIRLFRIEND, then he would not go to them. If he respected OUR relationship, he would not go to them. The strip club is for single men and women, not people who are in committed relationships. He should not be going out and paying money to other females to see them naked. I know I look good, so there is no reason he needs to go to a strip club to have fun, there are many other options!!

That night we ended up having more fun after the strip club, when we went out to a bar. He did not like me being buddy buddy with his sister in law at the strip club, who came with us also. He wanted MY attention. I figured I'd give him his space to look at these other women and enjoy a bit of my own girl time and try to forget my own uncomfortable feelings about him beng in this environment, but he ended up wanting my attention, ironicly. THEN, when he and I went to the stage to tip a dancer, the dancer lifted my shirt and pulled out my breasts for the whole club to see, making my boyfriend very uncomfortable. He walked away quickly, almost getting upset with me but after I told him to look at where we were, he couldn't. Afterwards, we went to a bar where we could spend time focused on each other, drinking and DANCING, and he admitted to having way more fun.