[sbc]

as i posted a few months ago, my ex lover and i broke our relationship of 4 years off as it was time for him to move on and i had to finally face the issues in my marriage. i am happy to say that my marriage is back on track and i have tried to move on with my life and let my ex-lover move on as well with his new girlfriend of 3 months. that's not to say that it hasnt been difficult to forget the past 4 years with someone I though i loved, but ultimately i realized i loved a fantasy, not reality and i have been through these past few months to get my life back on track.

i am no longer calling him nor bbming my ex-lover anymore like we used to, i am basically giving us both the space we need to move on with our lives. we have seen each other occasionally and i actually met his girlfriend last month and was nice to her as it meant a lot for him if i met her, so i agreed.

i thought we were quite civilized about the whole matter given how much we meant to each other, but lately i feel like he has been acting a certain way just to spite me.

when i was with him and his girlfriend he mentioned restaurants he wanted to take her to that we had gone to, intimate details of their sex life in front of me and he recently took her to a romantic getaway locale where he took me and even called me to tell me about it. he also calls me to ask for restaurant advice on where to take his girlfriend....Is it me or is he being slightly immature about the whole thing? I dont understand, is he trying to make me jealous or is he just so over this situation that he thinks we can just be "friends" all of a sudden? i have not hurt him or been rude to him, in fact on the contrary i am trying to let him move on with his life and me as well, so why is he acting this way?

he claims that he is in love with this new girl and that he wants to get engaged to her in August, and while I am slightly hurt inside I am ultimately happy for him.

i have been nothing but nice to him, so why is he acting so vindictive? if he is so in love then why does it seem like he is trying to prove something to me?

i think perhaps he is trying to get a reaction out of me and although part of me feels like telling him to grow up and stop acting so immature, i dont want to give him that satisfaction so i just keep my cool and act normal.

can someone please help me deal with this situation?

[pretzel]

It almost sounds as if both of you are trying too hard to show each other that it's over, both have moved on. Yes, there does seem a bit of him rubbing it in so to speak. I'm not too sure I'd be comfortable with him telling you of the places and things he wants to do with her that the two of you did before. It's almost as if he's continuing the affair but with someone else. So, yes, there is a hint of trying to make you jealous.

Also, I think you're also letting him do this because you too want to show to him that it's over and you've made your decision that your marriage was worth more to you than the affair was. But, in trying to not hurt his feelings over this, your letting him venture into areas of his new life that should be between him and his new partner.

It's ok if the two of you can be friends, but there doesn't seen to be boundaries as to what is and isn't acceptable topics of discussion.

[Wonderwall]

I was never in this situation before. That said...
Dont go down to his level if he is acting that way. If you dont want to talk to him about his plans with his girlfriend
tell him straightforward. You know that hes caught up in playing with your past relationship. Its more refreshing to stay away from that and you
dont do the same.
Its your life and the past stays there. For now, hes not very "friendly" to be around.