[CHANDLERS WISH]

I wuv you, BUT....when a current seems to want, to communicate with an ex, what is it that he is seeking? What is it that he liked, via communication because it seems that's what it is that you aren't doing?

Relationships are such hard work and I'm hoping for you, that she wasn't the love of his life and he can't let go...

Yeah I know I threw a spanner in the works..x

[spurzzz]

I disagree completely with most of the posters on here that say anything other than get rid.....

They were talking nearly every day at one point

Great.......did you make him his dinner everyday while he was on the phone/email to his "ex" .....
He is still in a relationship with her and is just messing you about......emotionally and probably physically........
There is absolutely no excuse to talk to your ex everyday while you are in a relationship....that is just disrespectful to you and shows what he really thinks of you as opposed to the "love you babe cheap words" .......... remember ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.....read on with this in mind

he was lying to my face about it

Fantastic! Do I really need to elaborate? Now he has just pulled a wedgie on you and told you how mature he is....
All he is doing is playing games with his ex and you are the cog in the wheel. Do you like being a cog? No?

I demanded he talk to her much less, like once a month................yet he was sending her pictures of OUR pets

Is it not becoming clear now? He does not RESPECT YOU and will continue to do things that will upset you - not exactly a great catch either way is he? It has never been you and him, it has been him, her, and you in that order - read that again IN ORDER OR IMPORTANCE:

1. HIM
2. HIS EX
3. you

for whatever reason he couldn't bring himself to do this.

No of course not.............it is clear daylight he doesn't love you enough to do anything and he is as much involved with his ex than he is with you.......he is telling you with his ACTIONS i am still in love with my ex and you are just the toy to egg us even closer.......

A couple of weeks ago I sat there and forced him to write the dang email

That is the worst thing you could have done, he should be able to do that not you! Stop a cat all you want, when it is time, the cat will go out to play.................

I accidentally came across old photos of her, including a naked one

For me, that would be the last straw.....how many more times will you carry on with the delusional belief that this guy cares enough to change.....he won't ever.....but you can.

I am sorry you are going through this and I do wish you all the best in whatever you decide

For me: No brainer - Leave now and leave quick. No time to waste.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Okay.........

Apart from a slight edit, left.

Mes, as a poster people have the right to add their opinions even if it's maybe, not what you want to hear.

Just a warning there spruzzz, if that is how you see it? There is a way of pointing people gently into a direction to hear...

Some of his points is how I have "gently posed" for you to consider, however, there is speculation as well, because without communication on some of those points raised by spruzzz, it is, still speculation.

CW

[Mes T]

Oh I'm confused.

You know what, I'm considering copying and pasting a couple of conflicting responses on this thread and emailing them to him to see what he thinks.

spurzzz despite your err aggression... I can't deny you are bringing up some interesting things to think about. Dangit.

[spurzzz]

That was percieved as aggression? Sorry....maybe I am being too harsh which is not what I want.

huggss mom, point taken

[Mes T]

UGH I don't know what's wrong with me, as angry as I still am, I can't bring myself to honestly, with my heart and soul, believe that he's done any of this with the intention to hurt me. I think he's just dumb, very, very, very dumb. He's dumb and he's afraid of hurting people's feelings, so he thought that by talking to her and lying to me that he could get away with it.

That's what my gut is telling me, that he's not a cheater or a bad person or even a bad boyfriend...

I have, however, wondered if she was in fact the "love of his life" and he couldn't let go for that reason.

Bah I am definitely conflicted.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Mes mwha do it, bring them up, see Spruzzz is seeing his past sorry Spruzzz it's a fact but he has some points, there ... you are not getting in-tune with you, you are in love and covering what you don't want to hear that's why I left his post after editing some of that agression that is his Maybe he is dumb? but without "facts" how can we answer?

Cut paste ....

He may not be cheating but emotionally? He maybe....

That is why I said what is she giving him that you are not a void he needs, that you can't fill or can you if we work this together , with smarts

[Texinator]

I think he still has strong feelings for her.

He talks to her constantly, he keeps pictures of her around, he doesn't talk to her about you, and he tells you that he stopped contact with her. Keeping that connection with her is apparently very important to him.

He said he didn't want to hurt her feelings by boasting about how happy he is with you. Yet he is willing to risk hurting your feelings by keeping up the contact, even though he knows you're against it? Which tells me that he considers her feelings more important. Why is that?

[jns]

I think he still has strong feelings for her.

He talks to her constantly, he keeps pictures of her around, he doesn't talk to her about you, and he tells you that he stopped contact with her. Keeping that connection with her is apparently very important to him.

He said he didn't want to hurt her feelings by boasting about how happy he is with you. Yet he is willing to risk hurting your feelings by keeping up the contact, even though he knows you're against it? Which tells me that he considers her feelings more important. Why is that?

I agree with Tex. He should at least mention you some of the time. In my talking with friends, I mention my wife some of the times as it fits in what is being discussed.

[Hopeless Dork]

How did their relationship end and why? That would be a huge indicator , to me anyway, over what this is all about. Obviously BOTH of them do not want to be in a relationship with each other... or they'd do it, why not? But very likely one is pushing for this friendship more than the other... or it would fizzle and fade on out.

So I guess I'd be curious to know why they broke up, who was the one pushing for it, etc.
And who is needing who in their friendship, what does she benefit from, and what does he?