[diva at heart]

Hey just in a relationship for the first time in a long time with a guy that I thought was worth it when we were first dating he was polite, funny and took the time to get to know me. But it feels like he and I have so many different views on things I am more open to people who are different he has some closed views. I am forever shaking my head at the things that come out of his mouth that seem harsh or judgemental.
I guess I am asking what is the standard that should be set for ourselvs when we are trying to accept some one in to our space,How much do we compromise in a relationship to have some one in our lives.
He has also lost a home in the past to some one who he was engaged to so he is very anti marrage/anti kids/anti living with some one again.
We are both 27 and it seems that all of the above kind of come in when you are in a committed relationship.
And even though It is a very new relationship I am concerned that these things will get in the way. I guess I am a bit of a worry wort and do over analise things would be nice to get the out side oppinions

[JubesInquest]

Hey just in a relationship for the first time in a long time with a guy that I thought was worth it when we were first dating he was polite, funny and took the time to get to know me. But it feels like he and I have so many different views on things I am more open to people who are different he has some closed views. I am forever shaking my head at the things that come out of his mouth that seem harsh or judgemental.
I guess I am asking what is the standard that should be set for ourselvs when we are trying to accept some one in to our space,How much do we compromise in a relationship to have some one in our lives.
He has also lost a home in the past to some one who he was engaged to so he is very anti marrage/anti kids/anti living with some one again.
We are both 27 and it seems that all of the above kind of come in when you are in a committed relationship.
And even though It is a very new relationship I am concerned that these things will get in the way. I guess I am a bit of a worry wort and do over analise things would be nice to get the out side oppinions

I guarantee you these things "will get in the way."

If he's got "closed" views, then you need to listen to what your instincts are telling you.
If you have to "lose yourself" just to accept this guy in your circle, then you need to let him be on his way.

How are you going to have a home with him when he lost a home to a former fiancee? Sounds like his credit got messed up with that.

At this time he's very (as you say) anti-marriage, anti-kids, anti-live-with-someone again, then being close to anyone is too soon for him. He needs time and space, and anything other than that is asking too much of him right now.

You want more from him that what he's ready or able to give. It happens.
Ask him does he need space and if he responds with a "yes", give him space.

But continue to live your life outside of him.
Get out with some friends; find other things to do.

[diva at heart]

thanks

Wow,

thank you so much for the insight I GUESS we know these things when we are typing it out but it is getting on to the reality that is the key.
I am taking your advice and getting out and doing my own thing I should not have problems with that as I have always done that any way, so here it is getting ready for the single life again.
I know my advice would be the same as yours but it is a different thing when you are on the boat and heading away from the main land!
Thanks I do love this discussion forum

[JubesInquest]

U R welcome

These forums are fun....

Sometimes we have the answer in our heart, but we want to get that view from someone else.

Once we see it or hear it from a different POV, then we can assess that we're on the right track.

I hope everything works out for you.

[diva at heart]

getting it right take two

Well here it is I did end up breaking it of with the boyfriend and it went so very different to the way I HAD thought it would. He was actually very mature about it even though he was upset we chatted for some time and He told me that all of the stuff he had said about not WANTING kids/weddings/living with some one was a bit of a thing for his mates and that he just was not used to having a girlfriend and did not know how to act.
I mentioned that he needed to be a bit more positive, because his negitive stuff made it easy for me to make my descision.
I feel a little empty now and wonder about it (the empty feeling)
He did say it was wierd that we were ending it rather well and that I am the only girl he has wanted to stay friends with. So I guess that is a good thing.