[ren_07]

This isn't about a particular love relationship, but rather the relationships I have with my female friends. I don't know where else this would be posted.

Basically, this is about friends/lovers who ALWAYS talk about themselves, their lives, their problems, etc. and come to you for advice/counseling. However, when you try and change the subject to a problem you're going through or want to change the subject to something else, they don't respond or have little interest or anything to add. Or just flat out ignore your attempts and continue to rant about themselves.

I have at LEAST three friends like this. They'll want to rant about their boy problems, which aren't that bad, and then when I want to talk about myself they act standoffish. I realize this is very selfish behavior, but I've met so many people with this quality (particularly women) that I don't think ending these long term friendships would be the fix. After all, I do enjoy their company and click with them when I'm not their unpaid counselor.

How do I get someone to listen to ME? How do I get them to see how I feel when they're standoffish without damaging the friendship? (I suppose more than it already is). My problem is I care too much and want to be the person who listens to their issues bc I know how bad it sucks to be without someone to vent to from time to time, and I wouldn't mind doing this at all if it were reciprocated more. I don't see how people don't WANT to be there for someone in the same way they'd like people to be there for them.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Lol's SHE BE WRITING BOLD

These people are negative forces in your life, they are never going to change you are there for them to rant, rave, ask, but you will always be ignored because they are self centred people...

How do you get someone to listen to you? Choose the right friends...

Associate yourself with positive people and those whom you can share together with...

It's not a friendship when it's one sided is it? Call them acquaintances. Think about this, if all they do is rant and rave and talk depressing things and drain all your energy what good is that doing for you, to you?

And, those "types" of personalities are the ones that will always stab someone in the back because it's all about me....You don't want those "types" of people to know anything about you, as they will talk...

How do you get someone to listen to YOU?

When you need to talk you come here, we always listen to YOU Until you find the right friends that you know you can talk to and they you and what ever is discussed will remain between you...

[ren_07]

I should clarify, this isn't ALL THE TIME or ALL SUBJECTS or else I'd definitely not let people like this in my life lol I think we all have those friends who like to rant about certain subjects sometimes and there may be a subject or two you want to discuss that they just roll their eyes about. At those times, it's really difficult. These are people I've known since elementary school, on in middle school, and one is my close roommate.

Then there are those who selectively answer your texts when you're apart, but make time EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY for their boyfriends. When I'm living at school, my friends are in constant contact. But summer or extended weekends, they're non-existent and often ignore texts bc they're apathetic about chatting. Maybe it's bc we saturate ourselves with each other when we live in the same building? Idk.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Nup, they are self centred...When it suits you are there, when it doesn't especially when their boyfriends are around, you don't exist...

Time of knowing people doesn't equate to friendship....

This is their personality type you either have to accept them for who they are and find a friend who is there for you as well, or don't accept them...

My Grandmother always said " you can count your friends on one hand throughout your whole lifetime" I believe that to be correct, the amount of friends I had or believed that I had, were not friends, not true friends, they come and go in your life, the true friends never leave your life and ARE there for you when you need them ... The rest are "buddies" acquaintances...

[Guest]

Interesting thread. This is one of my pet peeves. I think America has, since the baby boom generation, raised a bunch of spoiled, self centered people. Ok, maybe not everyone but, there are alot of people who only think of themselves. My beef is with the various couples we try to get together with. In at least 1/2 of these relationships, if you call these people for say lets do dinner, what you get is, "well this is what WE are doing" and "this is where WE are going" and "you welcome to join us". Whatever happened to meeting halfway. Basically these friendships are one sided and you better do what they want or you will not see them anymore. Some of the women in these couples are incredibly controlling. In some of these relationships, we have just given up. Were done. Its really too bad because at one time we did have fun.
'

[oxy-moron]

Why not try an online forum where you can meet up with like minded people and have meaningful discussions.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Like here?

[ccraig42]

Ooooh I've dealt with this problem a couple of times! I ended up having to cut them off.

I agree with CW. Knowing them forever doesn't mean they're the best people for you. Although that may make it harder to cut ties with them.

[oxy-moron]

Like here?

For sure

[BabyGirl]

Lmao CW * Like Here ? Cracked me up ..*

Ren 07.
You must be or seem very stable to your " friends ". Or you may seem to them that you have No Life or have the Perfect world or relationships.

What counts is that You are There for them... Then again, Door mats are there to wipe the Dirt and Mud of and then enter the place.

So who is your Door Mat ? Do you have one ?

You do here, the difference here is you Don't have to wipe your feet first, but you will have to wipe your tears.
I don't think your " friends are so selfish " I think they are Envious of where You are in your life Now. And, you are Right, you are not a paid Counselor, then again neither of us are either ( that I know of ) .

You need to start answering , " Goodness , have you seen a Counselor YET ???..I've heard this ( Story/ Problem ) for so Long, That I find I am giving you the wrong advise, I'm not Qualified , so would you like My Counselors Number " ?

The Good Old Shock factor just might Sink In ?
" You have Problems "

Yep I do, But I try not to take my problems out on my Friends. They have problems of their own.

Sometimes you can just notify them in a way that You can feel you did your best.Let them know that you are Still Growing and Learning.. And it took awhile to get where you Are now.