[BabyGirl]

And it continues... As I knew it would.

Some know of my past relationship with “ John “ that ended last May 2010 and the contact from him almost exactly 1 year after, with no contact for a year. Many had said to ( still ) delete all of his texts. Of which I had over 300 of. I deleted most , but saved a few. Not because I can't or won't “let go” but because they are an Insurance for me.

So here's whats New..

John, comes into my store about 3 weeks ago. Out of the Blue. The thing is it was my lunchtime, I was getting ready to clock out, in 10 minutes. I look out the window and I see his Truck pulling in the parking lot, his Truck is distinctive by a Gold Plated Towing chain on his front bumper. It was not just another Truck that looked like his.

I had people at the register to check out, checked them out then asked my Boss ( Bob ) if it wasn't my lunchtime ? He said yeah, so I ducked out to the office behind the Registers, took the Back Stockroom walkway to the bathroom, to wash up. Stayed in there a good 5-6 minutes. Hoping John would leave.

Take the Walkway back to the registers, staying off the Floor, to avoid “ running into him “.
Get to the Register to clock out for lunch and a Customer was there, a regular one. While checking him out, we chatted our Normal friendly chatting. Glance to my right and see John, skedaddling towards me with his items. As soon as my Reg Customer got checked out, I hit the Clock out Key and kept my eyes down. Bob was near and heading to another Register, I said “ I'm at Lunch “, John comes to my Register and Thankfully Bob says to Him “ I'll take you down here on Register #1.

I never looked up or at John, Just grabbed my things and out the door I went.
I get an Hour lunch, the whole time I was Fuming,...At myself for “ running “ and at John for daring to come in my Store.
I got a Text from John's Number a few minutes later.
“It was very Hard not to be able to even say Hi to You “. I ignored it and didn't answer it.

About 20 minutes after I got back from lunch, I was told I had a Call on Line 2.
This is a Normal occurrence with my Regular Customers to ask for Me .
I answer with my Normal,.“ This is **Name** and it's John , asking about a certain product we were out of and said “ It was hard not to talk to you or see you smile “.

I acted Dumb and said “ Huh “?

He Said “I was in the store earlier, but you must not have seen me, you were off to lunch “.
So I Lied and said “hope you were taken care of properly by the other employees “?

“Yep so on the Rim Cleaner, when will you have more ?”


“ Our freight comes in on Monday,we will have more then, but 3 stores within 8 miles shows they have it on the Shelf “

“ So how how ya been ?
“fine thanks, gotta go, have some customers in front of me, check the others stores, have a good day “ and I hung up.

A Week Later. I get another call at work.

“ Hey is your Oil Tank Full “? ,,,I didn't recognize his voice and told him almost and we only had room for about 5 gallons. Then it would be closed to Oil Recycling for 2 days .

An hour or so later in walks John with some used oil. I saw him at the last second and tried to avoid him, But.. I was the only one not on a Phone or with a Customer or at the Register. I had no choice but to walk him back to the oil tank,

( Customers cannot just go back and dump their own oil as if it has water in it we can lose our recycling permit and we are not allowed to dump oil ourselves due to possible damaging their containers , so we have to watch them dump it, make sure that they are safe from Injury and that the oil protocol is followed )

So back to the oil tank we go.
The good ole.. So how ya been stuff and then the hope it's ok I stop in, you are the one person in the Auto Parts Business I trust and Respect, Hope we can still be friends. Yadda yadda.

I respond with, been good, working hard, can't tell you not to come here, you are a customer. How's The Wife ?

“She's never forgiven me “

Here I go.. My fault for even asking . “ Really she cannot forgive just a few kisses that you told her was all that was our relationship for a Full year “ ?

“ No and I was wrong even to do what I did, but I must live with it “.

Oils drained. I walk him back to the doorway to the floor and he asks me for a Hug ????
WTF ?????




I just walked back onto the floor and was asked by another customer where something was. And back to work I was. Since then he has called with only “Proper Auto type Business”. Though a few Personal “ Friendly type texts on my Cell “



And NO I have Not Blocked his Number on my Cell, because everything and every time he texts or if I did text back, is Evidence or a back up to the he said she said.

I never will block that number. I am sure that if I keep these new texts and the old ones and the day ever comes that as CW said “ You get Mad “. I will be able to Stand Tall, Prove myself as a “ Good Wytch “ and again to CW, Dear Friend.

Yes . He knows where I live, I also know where he lives with his wife. He knows where I work and as long as I can show his dates of Contacting me. I will not lose my Job. And my Job is Important to me. I cannot be Disrespectful to a Customer. To those that may advise me to Move Stores or get a New Job , new cell .new home?
I thank those ahead of time. But I am not being Ran out of My Store, My Business, My Progress with My Company.. Over my Affair 2 years ago. He is not Worth it !!

Any other Advise is Welcomed. You guys and Gals are the greatest, that is why I hang around here.
So if you don't fall asleep reading this . I'll be happy to chat with you.. Maybe .





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[Ashlee T.]

I don't see that there is much advice to give. He toys with you, its obvious. To what extent you let that bother you, I'm not really sure but it "seems" like you have a pretty good control of it.

“ Really she cannot forgive just a few kisses that you told her was all that was our relationship for a Full year “ ?

Would you have forgiven him if you were her? He's still trying to communicate with you, asking for hugs........ really he's done nothing to warrant forgiveness. You are very likely not the only one he flirts with, not the only one he seeks attention from. It's quite clear he's the type of man who enjoys the game of it all, and for that reason he will never truly be faithful to his wife...or to any wife for that matter.

And NO I have Not Blocked his Number on my Cell, because everything and every time he texts or if I did text back, is Evidence or a back up to the he said she said.

What is more important: having "evidence" in the event that his wife confronts you? Or moving on fully and completely from this person?

If you feel like his contacting you doesn't cause you any grief or emotional turmoil, and doesn't cause you to in your mind hang on to something that doesn't exist, then there is really no issue.

[jns]

I would probably not talk to your bosses. From your description of work conditions in other posts, they may feel it is better to get rid of you and retain good relations with a customer. Maybe you can figure a way to sour the milk, so to say. Maybe this particular customer will have a bad string of unfortunate incidents that will cause him to stay away. Kind of like praying for lightning.

[Little]

Isn't this harassment? Showing up at your job, stalking you? Keep a record of when he shows up.
While I agree with jns that contacting your boss isn't a good idea (though they have an obligation to protect you from harassment, they probably won't,) you may want to take out a restraining order on him without telling work. I also see no harm in telling your peers at work that he is bothering you and ask could they please take care of him?
But before all that: the next time he comes and finds you face to face, tries to talk to you, tell him in no uncertain terms that he is harassing you, that his attention to you is unwanted, and that you will take legal action if it continues. Obviously, don't do this if you're unwilling to follow through, but if you are unwilling to legally bar him from your life, you should dig deep and ask yourself why not.

On the topic of barring his cell number or "running away," I understand. When I was being stalked, people told me to block the guy's number and block him on facebook, but then how would I know if it were over? (The stalker lived in the same apartment building as me, across the walkway, so he also knew where I lived.) Though I stopped responding to him, I knew (or thought is perhaps more accurate) when he no longer sent me things that I was out of his focus.
Check the laws in your state too, to see if it is legal to record your conversations with him, and try to record you telling him to leave you alone when you do.

[Crystalblue]

It sounds like you're doing everything right, doing your best to try and avoid him. Changing your phone number doesn't seem like it would work anyway, since he's already learned he can just phone you at work. I would think a normal person would've gotten the hint long ago. He is definitely getting some kind of enjoyment out of making you deal with him. I would think hard to find if there's something you can do to take that away. It sounds like border line stalking to me. I'm especially worried that he knows where you live.

You shouldn't have to turn your life upside down for this jerk, but don't play his game. Ignoring him and dealing with him as a customer would be enough of a message. It seems like he wants to make you react to him though. How well do you hide that when he shows up? Is it obvious that you're flustered/upset when he sees you?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

BG is there another store he can get the same items from? I'd say there is given he's stayed away all this time.....

What do you want to achieve from this? I note you took my VM literally Whilst you knew this person, you "don't" know him really, hense the comment of, don't use vengence in my last post to you, and he knows where you live in my VM to you, remember karma...

If you want him to quit coming to the shop and texting, " John, I keep all of your text messages, if she didn't forgive you then she'll walk knowning that you stalk me. Stay away from my workplace, don't text me, you mean nothing to me, nothing, thank you".

[Hopeless Dork]

I'm concerned with your holding on to text messages in case you need to show them to his wife one day or something of that nature. Concerned about how that can hold you back from fully moving on. If you met an awesome man today and you were getting to know him and he told you he was keeping all the naughty messages/love note messages/regular hi how are you doing messages an ex sent him, cause she cheated on her husband and turned out to be a jerk... would that make you feel like he was ready for a relationship? Or would it make you feel like he is trapped in the past? I just think it might be time to let go of all that. Not for his sake, for your own.

[oxy-moron]

I have to agree with HD.
You are better off to delete him completely in every way you can.
Block his texts.

Start fresh. If he contacts you then just treat him in a cold civil manner.
Any strong reaction will give him renewed hope.
He will give up eventually.
I get the feeling that his memory is stopping you moving forward in your life.

[BabyGirl]

Thanks Guys and Gals.

This is why I Posted such a long Description of the
detailing of the visits and " Convos"

When it comes to me still having some of his texts from the Affair time ..Again I reiterate, they are not because I can't let go. They aren't even on the phone I use Now. They are on the phone I had when I was with him. which I do not carry with me, it is kept at home on a Charger, the Phone doesn't work for calls, but the Text messages are saved in the memory. They have dates and times recorded. Which if it ever came to a He said She said legal or even with my Company issue. I have proof of the relationship.

As for my work, 2 co workers know about the affair and knew about it when it was going on. Albeit they only knew that I was seeing a guy that said he was sharing his house with his wife but they were estranged. Which was the truth at the time at least for the first few months as we were just friends, with me trying to help him repair his marriage. But then it went to being more emotional between us.

On possibly moving to another Store, I have been at this one for almost 4 years, it's the closest to my home. Same Boss, whom I used to work for at one of our Competition stores,we then moved to this company. Bob is counting on me to remain in his store. There is however another store being set up in about a year that is only 2 blocks from my house. I told Bob last year when our company acquired the property that I would probably move to that store as I could walk to work. His Reply was " We'll see, if I'm willing to let you go " Lol .. That was a good feeling that he valued my work.

Back to "John ".. So far he has not been inappropriate , except to ask for the Hug, and that is only inappropriate to me because it is HIM . I have other Customers, Guys and Gals that give me a Quick Hug, and Bob just shakes his head now, as I told him, it's rude to just shove friends and Good Customers way..

Also he's not showing up daily or calling daily. As of yet, I have no reason to be disrespectful to him or complain of harassment. I will do my best to avoid him, have any direct contact with him, maybe he will get the hint that I have no interest in him, not even as a Friend.

The only worry is, that if he chose to, he could Complain to Bob or call our District Manager or even further up the ranks, if I am rude or snub him. And that is why I will not clear out the messages from my other phone, they would be proof that we had a relationship, it ended and that his complaints ( if any ) would be to get back at me.
And should this escalate to where I feel it is stalking or harassment. I do have the option to let him know I am more than willing to let his wife know, it was more than a few kisses.

I must work on my reaction to him, It is not a " I miss him " reaction, it's a Why is he doing this, there's a store closer to his home than mine, that was built last year. Though it is in the opposite direction of his travels to and from his work. so mine is actually on his way.

Thank you all for letting me vent and I appreciate the Comments and Support.
I have let Go of him, it's he that hasn't let go. In the long run, I do have the Power, the Power is in those saved messages. Which I will use only if necessary.

[Little]

I think you know why he's doing this.
It's to see how much control he still has over you. To make you uncomfortable if he can. To make you react. It's a power trip ... don't feed it.
I feel that waiting for it to escalate isn't a very good move. How bad does it have to get? How long will you let him play you like a puppet?
You're a better and stronger woman than that.
You don't have to be rude to him as a customer to tell him his behavior is incorrect and that you want it to stop.