[lil10sai]

Hello!

This is my problem with dad and I want to share it with you guys & see what you think...

My dad is 47 years old, and he gets easily angry for the silliest reasons & blames it on us when he does anything wrong!

Furthermore, he does not appreciate anything that I or my sisters do & he calls us losers and disses us in front of others all the time, even though we do our best to be successful.
He has never encouraged us about anything and says that we would never be successful or be able to make anything good in our lives.

We are four sisters... I am the oldest and I am now studying medicine to be a doctor, my younger sister has got a full scholarship to study German language for five years in Germany, and my other sister is finishing school next year and she wants to study engineering in Stanford. Thing is; everyone is telling my parents how proud of us they must be, but when it comes to dad, he treats us as if we are nothing & does not appreciate anything that I or my sisters do.
He never asked me about wether I am comfortable at college or ont... He never congratulated my sister for her scholarship to Germany... He only asked if the scholarship was full or not! & when my other sister said she wants to go to Stanford; he was like: it's not like it's Harvard or Oxford!!!
No encouragement at all... Nothing about us is good enough for him

Another thing is that his only concern is money, of course when the money is spent on us
Whenever we ask him to go anywhere as a family, he refuses just because he does not want to spend any money, but if any of his relatives asked for money, he would happily give them without asking them for reasons. Lately, my granddad stole 15 thousand dollars from dad and he didn't even need the money. Dad response was: Let him take the money, I don't need it! Also my uncle got into problems and needed 12 thousands for the lawyer which he easily got from dad and I don't think that he'll pay dad back and dad is not concerned about it!


Mum is always encouraging us and says that we can do whatever it is that we want & that if we want something we should look at the bright side and be strong... but it is very hard when there's some1 who's always bringing you down

I don't want anything from dad... I don't want his money... I just want a father who is understanding & would appreciate how hard I am working & would encourage me to do all my best instead of calling me ''loser''

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You know it would be great to say we can choose the parents we want to love and nurture us throughout our childhood but that's what we want, we can't change people..

I'd say your Father had a strick up-bringing, and that his own Father was cold.. Often, a parent is cruel thinking it will work in the manner of "reverse physcology" and it is. All of you are heck bent on proving him wrong and as a result will have a career, money and will be able to stand on your own two feet.

What he doesn't realise is you will also always want to be loved and maybe, make some wrong choices along the way where guys are concerned. Don't be nieve with guys, you know what love is and what you want, ensure that you don't get confused with wanting love and taking whom ever walks in your path.

Dad obviously, has a good job or he wouldn't have $30k to splash around with people.. He expects you all to as well .

I'd say that he probably is a cold person, doesn't know love himself.. And, I'd say he has no idea how to treat women with love, including your Mother.. Would it have been different for a boy, had he had a son? Probably not, he'd have even more expectations...

This is his nature, coupled with his expectations of ensuring you all get somewhere in life... Cold? Yes..But, look at you all going ahead to prove him wrong Like your Mother said, there is a positive to this negative.

I'd use reverse phsycology right back at him, by once a week, walking past him, putting your arms around him briefly, saying "Love you", and walking away with your back to him, smiling to yourself, whilst he stands there and ponders that.

You never know... One day he may say it back. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, to me it means he doesn't know how to love.

[jns]

He was probably brought up at a time and in a culture where the parents were always right and blood sticks together. At the same time, children were to be seen but not heard. He had no lessons on how to love children. I would think his father also called him a loser to get him to work hard to disprove his father. He turned out capable of having a good job, so he is passing that lesson on.

When you reach an older age and have proven yourselves as capable of thriving on your own, you may see a difference in his attitude. I have seen that from my own father whose father came from the old country.