[switzgirl]

okay ....so i had posted earlier that my boyfriend was still tied to his ex because of all her mail coming into the shop that he owns-that i work at....her name on bank accounts....etc....
so i get back to work this morning from the dentist and hes not here- i call him and he says he is on his way to meet with her to return her phone to her(that was still here at the shop) and take her mail to her..
i'm thinking good...get her out of your life...i hang up...then think...where is meeting her? i call him back..hes going to her apartment...oh my gosh!!! my head is swarming with bad thoughts.. what if when he gets there she say"oh baby i missed you so much....please come in---sit down.....and throws it on him-----????? i'm really freaking out....someone please tell me something to ease my mind....
i guess i'm so young and insecure.......hes never done anything to make me have distrust in him.......hes such a good person and everyone knows that...but what about her you know????
GOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tinkerbell930]

Poor girl....

Just trust in him....if he wanted to hide anything from you he wouldn't have TOLD you he was going to her apartment. If he still wanted to be with her he wouldn't return her things. I am sure he knows you are uncomfortable with it.

I know I would be somewhat uncomfortable knowing my man were going to her apartment, I would ask that she come pick up her own things, but guys think different than we do....they just want to get things done and over with. My hubby has an ex wife that he can't stand, but when he takes his kids home and I am not with him he will come back and tell me about a conversation they had and he will laugh....I know how much he can't stand her, but it doesn't stop that small ball of jealousy....I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would rather "hit himself in the sack with a hammer" than EVER be with her again (those are his own words) but we girls are paranoid sometimes for no other reason than we don't want ANY other woman around our man....past, present or otherwise. : ) But I truly trust him and the feelings I get are VERY short lived....

Let it pass....love him, don't be insecure, men love a woman that trusts and is confident.

[JubesInquest]

Poor girl....

Just trust in him....if he wanted to hide anything from you he wouldn't have TOLD you he was going to her apartment. If he still wanted to be with her he wouldn't return her things. I am sure he knows you are uncomfortable with it.

I know I would be somewhat uncomfortable knowing my man were going to her apartment, I would ask that she come pick up her own things, but guys think different than we do....they just want to get things done and over with. My hubby has an ex wife that he can't stand, but when he takes his kids home and I am not with him he will come back and tell me about a conversation they had and he will laugh....I know how much he can't stand her, but it doesn't stop that small ball of jealousy....I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would rather "hit himself in the sack with a hammer" than EVER be with her again (those are his own words) but we girls are paranoid sometimes for no other reason than we don't want ANY other woman around our man....past, present or otherwise. : ) But I truly trust him and the feelings I get are VERY short lived....

Let it pass....love him, don't be insecure, men love a woman that trusts and is confident.

Switz,

Was the ex a partner in the business?? I keep thinking she was.

I don't understand why she didn't get a change of address and inform all those who send her mail of the new address, or at least go to the post office and put a forwarding address on her mail!

Why didn't SHE come get her OWN phone? Why hasn't she contacted the bank and get her name removed from the accounts?

She acts like she wanted to have some sort of contact with him.
I think he should have let her come pick her stuff her own self...

Switz, you have to trust somebody sometime.... if you feel like you can't trust, do some self-examining. Is this a real or a perceived threat? Rather than get into a lot of arguments about if he's cheating or not, let it go.

If you start up arguments based on trust issues, you 2 will eventually break up. Nobody wants to be accused of something they didn't do; neither do they want to constantly defend themselves against accusations when they haven't done a thing!

Not to knock your b/f or anything, but why is he going with ladies that work for him? If the ex wants to be nasty about it, she can say it was sexual harassment at the job.

[switzgirl]

thanks

THANK YOU TINKERBELL.thats the kind of uplifting message i needed.
let me clarify some things about the ex.
she has always had her own job-completely seperate from the shop and resteraunt-but she was pretty much a part of the family...so when my boyfriends mother opened the resteraunt ---she (the ex)helped out alot...its fine dining and she had previous exp. to help them--my boyfriends mother(who jsut passed away last year)trusted the ex enough to allow her to be on accounts and that kind of thing....she played quite a role with employees and stuff...
so when momma bear passed away-the load became much bigger for my boyfriend his father....and his then fiance'.....running a resteraunt and custom cabinetry shop---anyway they were together for 5 years... and he only had to serious relationships before that...hes almost 34 now....so the "sexual harrasment" thing is a way far fetched and quite rude assumption.

[JubesInquest]

THANK YOU TINKERBELL.thats the kind of uplifting message i needed.
let me clarify some things about the ex.
she has always had her own job-completely seperate from the shop and resteraunt-but she was pretty much a part of the family...so when my boyfriends mother opened the resteraunt ---she (the ex)helped out alot...its fine dining and she had previous exp. to help them--my boyfriends mother(who jsut passed away last year)trusted the ex enough to allow her to be on accounts and that kind of thing....she played quite a role with employees and stuff...
so when momma bear passed away-the load became much bigger for my boyfriend his father....and his then fiance'.....running a resteraunt and custom cabinetry shop---anyway they were together for 5 years... and he only had to serious relationships before that...hes almost 34 now....so the "sexual harrasment" thing is a way far fetched and quite rude assumption.

so the "sexual harrassment" thing is a way far fetched and quite rude assumption.

First off, you didn't include this in your post... at least not that I've seen anyway. IF you did, then I apologize.

Second, IF you read correctly, I said (and I quote) "IF she wanted to be nasty about it." So, is she being nasty about anything? Did you notice I used the condition, "IF"? Perhaps you didn't notice because you instantly became defensive. Oh well.

Third, a hit dog will holler. Are you touchy because I asked why does he go with women that work for him? Don't be. I will ask because of what I read. So to say that my comment was "way far fetched and quite rude assumption" sounds like a nerve was struck.
Calm down. It's not that serious -- it was just a question.

[switzgirl]

hmm...

it seems to me that your comment was far-fetched because i said nothing in my first post that would have lead anyone to believe that he "went with ladies from work"...And it was mentioned several days ago in my post that he had been with his ex-fiance' for five years-doesnt sound like he 'd be going with very many "ladies" does it? it also seems to me that you thrive on confrontation -not just because of this...but because of several other posts of yours that i've read...it just sounds demeaning to me . FOR EX.

"Did you notice I used the condition, "IF"? Perhaps you didn't notice because you instantly became defensive."

" a hit dog will holler"

This is suppose to be a place for women to talk and relate...not make one another feel small or ******.

[JubesInquest]

Thrive on confrontation?

No, dearie. I'm just making sure you got what I said right.
You didn't and I corrected you. If you call that confrontation, then I'll just put you on iggy b/c you'd rather take things the way you'd like--right or wrong.

Demeaning? How is that? Maybe your confidence level is on the low.

"This is a place where women can talk and relate ... not make one another feel small or ******"

You came to this conclusion b/c I pointed out that you didn't note that I used the condition "if" ??? Also "a hit dog will holler" is an expression that simply means a comment was made that must've hit too close to home.

[switzgirl]

i'm pretty sure i'm not the only one

goodness...you are just not understanding....and i'm pretty sure your not even open-minded enought to take in what i'm trying to explain to you----you just referred to me as "dearie"...i'd say thats belittleing. And all of your under-lying sarcasm is almost funny..I'm not a child so please dont talk down to me. everything is fine though hun.....take care

[tinkerbell930]

switzgirl-
I was just checking to see how things went...did your boyfriend have anything to tell you?
Hopefully that will be the last you all have to deal with this ex of his! Just thank God he doesn't have kids with her. (I assume that because he was only taking "stuff" to her and you never mentioned any other attachments).
I really hope alll is well and would love to hear how things turned out!

[switzgirl]

thanks

Thank you for checking back tinkerbell- well.....i asked him when he got back to the shop if he was okay-and he said yes...so i left it alone.Until i got into his truck and looked in the backseat and saw a file box that said "tricia's stuff"........i proceded to ask him what that was and why did he have it...he went to take her her stuff and came back with more of her stuff...he tells me that she subing her apartment out -shes moving to california for awhile for business...she couldnt leave the box in her apartment-had lots of financial and personal documents in it. She asked him to put it up for her......
I cried and got really upset and told him that i was really uncomfortable with her still being in his life..he tells me that she trusts him with it because he already knows about everything thats in the box anyway..he has no reason to snoop--where as a friend of hers might.
he tried to make me understand that they were together for 5 years and that even though they are not together anymore...he still has respect for her-and blah blah blah........
i guess alot of my issues come from being so young.....and insecure...i've never had to deal with a situation like this.....i just have to trust him..hes given me no reason not to you know? a guy that works here has 25 years on him...and has watched him grow up..... says hes only had like 3 serious relationships.....says that when hes done .........hes done..........that hes got what he wants now and would never be unfaithful........so i trust him too.
my boyfriend tried to tell me that i had nothing to worry about..that he is happy with me....so we'll see huh? i just have to be more confident...i guess i just dont now how.