[Madgirl]

Hello everyone, I am very new to this site.
I reached a stage where I had to go on internet (like you do this days) and search for some clues as daft as it sounds, cause I know that no one except myself will get me out of this horrible situation I guess.
But I thought someone could help me with some ideas, their experiences or some kind of miracle will happen and it will all sort itself out. I know it sounds childish.
In a nutshell, I managed to fall in love with two men over a period of 7 months in the circumstances at the time. It all happened so quickly and I got involved so much that I even got to know the families at both sides who likes me a lot and me too . I love them both equally and its so hard to decide as stupid as its sounds. One of them thought has moved abroad april this year due to work and only see him like every 6 weeks when I go over there to see him and his family. The other one lives nearby and I see him nearly every day. They both love me very much and have very serious plans for the future.
I really don't even know how I managed to get into this situation which I never experienced. My last relationship was nearly 7 years and never even dreamed of something like this happening to me. Don't know why I ever allowed it to get to this stage. Thought something like this is impossible. It's sooo hard I fell like a total coward and the guilt I feel is hard to describe but I really LOVE both!!!! I don't concentrate on work or any day to day normal things and beginning to have some health issues. Feel so bad, but at the same time feel sick when I imagine that I will have to let one go. Don't want to do any decisions really! (( Please could someone talk to me/advice me please! Sorry for the long post but at the same time still feel there is not enough info really Thanks a lot in advance

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Madgirl,

Love is a strong word, you feel that you want to hang onto every word they say, can't wait to see them, live and breathe them, whilst still owning your own identity..

One is there daily - One every 6 weeks, I assume contacts you almost daily and then you were in a relationship for 7 years, freedom came and you met two guys, a sense of "wow" two men like me, and got tangled in your own web

You care for both, enjoy both..But, I wonder, does one do things that you love that the other one doesn't, instead the other one does things that the first one doesn't . In-other-words there are things about both of them that you like but they are not the same...

You do need to choose.

Do a check list of the pros and cons of both of them, not financials, rather passions, emotions, connection, same morals, beliefs and see who ticks the most.

You can not have both, you are being selfish to say that you don't want to let one go.. You will hurt one of them, but neither deserve to think they have someone who loves them, yet, they are with another.

[Madgirl]

Chandlers List

Thank you for your kind reply.
Love is very strong, yeah. And like some member already mentioned in here you can fall in it too quickly. Which is my case too.
I did the pros and cons list but they both come out of it the same in slightly different ways. I love them both soo much, which makes feel sick now.
I don't feel the wow factor at all, in fact I feel like I am tangled in my own web. Can't even sleep lately and its getting worse.
No I know very well that I have to let one go, but that makes me cry each time I think about it which means pretty much all the time.
I know I am being selfish now. Its sooo hard, why did I get myself into this (( Is anybody so daft as me in this world?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I like Chanders List

Do you think that, if you let both go, you would find someone else, easily and fall for that person too?

As you admit, and I know of the thread you talk about, that you are a romantic, love full stop, "everything" have alot of passion?

You are not daft, lols, sorry that is funny...You made an error, not a good one, you dated two guys and got stuck and kept going..

That last part, as you know is not FAIR to anyone and it has to cease.

You have to pick, pure and simple or let them both go and start again.

[Velto_Vixen]

I actually had a similar thing happen to me, this is what helped me pick.
When i was a little girl i wrote a list of things i wanted in my husband. Write that list. NOW, see who ticks the most. They can't have the same.
It's been 2 years since i ended things with one of the men, and it still tears me up, though i loved him, very very very very much, I knew deep down what he wanted in me i could not give and vise versa. So i chose the one i'm with. And i'm having issues, and it's not easy, but at least we are compatible.
Who would you marry? That is how you pick. Emotional cheating is terrible, obviously you feel bad about it...just cut a tie, and then you will still feel bad, but at least it would be a moral bad. And if you love them you will give them the respect they deserve and a chance to be with someone who will devote themselves to only them.

[jns]

Madgirl, have things changed any since you first posted?

[Madgirl]

Hello guys,

Thank you so much for your amazing support, didn't really expect anyone replying.
Just briefly, one of them found out as saw my email addressed to the other one.
Absolutely destroyed. Felling even more depressed than before!
How could I do something like that. Really don't feel like my life is worth living now.
Still seeing one, but I think I just feel sorry for him now and cant leave otherwise he will be completely destroyed. But just feel like I want to be on my own. This is all my fault!! Can anyone explain what does LOVE means? Cause I just seem to love everyone!! And don't seem to differentiate! I must be so weird.