[swimgirl18]

My boyfriend has an iphone and it is with him wherever he goes. It's beside the bed when he's sleeping, in his pocket of his p.j's in the morning, in the bathroom with him, if he leaves a room that we are both in and he knows he's coming back he'll take it with him. It's almost as if he is afraid to leave it in the same room with me for a reason i'll never understand. I'm not the type of person to invade someone's personal privacy, but this is ridiculous and it now has me wondering just why he is so concerned about having it with him everywhere he goes. It's almost as if it's like an organ to him, something that he cannot exist without. What makes me even more worrisome about this is that when he is on his phone, texting or checking e-mails and I happen to walk by or come over to him, he clutches it close to his chest or turns it off. To me this kind of behaviour is fishy and I confronted him on that a few months ago. We had a serious talk about it and I asked him if he was hiding anything and he said no, and that he would work on these mannerism. However, nothing has changed. One time he asked me to call his father using his phone and when I unlocked it I saw he had a message from a girl named 'Sarah'. When I told him about the message from her he grabbed the phone from my hand and deleted the message. When I asked him why he freaked out and deleted the message he said he didn't freak out and he didn't "mean to" delete the message, and that he did so by accident.

I don't know...I might be looking into this too much, but lately I have a bad feeling I can't get rid of. I'm a really laid back person usually, I hate feeling like this. Any advice?

[Mes T]

I would trust your gut on this. If it were just a case of taking his phone everywhere, that would be understandable. I mean people can get really addicted to their iphones, like they can get addicted to the internet or video games or whatever.

However him actually hiding things like that when you walk past or whatever, that is fishy, and there IS a reason for it. That's not just bad manners, in my opinion.

[lisa71]

I agree with Mes T - follow your gut instinct. As Mes says, people can become addicted to their phones but if he's deleting messages and seems scared to leave his phone with you when he leaves the room, then that is suspicious behaviour. My advice would be to talk to him about and see what his repsonse is.

[caterpillar79]

A man you cannot trust is not the man you should stick with. You can do better than that - at least that is my first thought.

How long have you been together? On your other thread, you said it's 2 years, right? That long and he's still doing this thing and you let him? You said you've talked about it and nothing has changed - it will not change unless he seriously wants to. There is no respect right there. He knows it bothers you and yet he continues!

Have you guys committed fully to each other? Has he explicitly said so? If that is the case, loosen the ties. I mean, you don't want to get stuck in a relationship without respect for your feelings. I'm just suggesting, you both give each other some time to get away from each other, see other people even without breaking up, since he is doing something "fishy" anyway, let him. Meanwhile, do not get stuck. Go out and find yourself a better person, meet more people and enjoy. You do not necessarily need to be physical with any of the guys you meet along the way - that is a no-no. You can actually date other people casually and still sleep with your BF as long as you both agree on it. It is called circular dating. It depends on your rules that you both decide on. Most of the time though, what works better is to just tell him how you feel and what you think is best for you.

What do you think is best for you? Do you think you should stay or are you better off without him?

I'm sorry if I am already jumping into this fight or flight mode. It's just that I am sick and tired of men who want their way all the time regardless of how the woman feels. This is a learned behavior he needs to stop doing. In order for that to happen, he needs to know the consequences if he does A or B. If he chooses to do A, (A being bad in your opinion), what does he get as a consequence - you tell him after 3 strikes, he cool off and try to see other people for example, or what he says he doesn't like; and if he does B, (B being good), what is his reward - a great back rub with a happy ending or whatever you think he enjoys.

Remember, you cannot change what or who a man is. But you can help him relearn or unlearn a behavior through behavior modification. Think about Pavlov and the dog.

[Goosey]

I would definitely talk to him about it again.

If he is hiding something, and won't ever leave his phone alone. Its probably not a great thing.

I do think its normal that people take their phone with them everywhere (I am that type of person), but my bf told me he found that annoying and it bugged him, so I stopped being so obsessed with my phone.

You need to talk to him one more time. Give him a final chance -- if he's going behind your back and doing things... its probably best to leave.

[spurzzz]

I was gonna state a list of facts for you to see clearly but I know that you already know it.

In my opinion, you need to confront your fear and seek out the truth from him, demand it if necessary.

80% chance IMO that he is cheating or is hiding something big.

Iphone - the biggest weapon against our freedom since CCTV.

[BabyGirl]

I Don't have a BF or SO, but reading your post,made me think about my own cell.

Yep it sleeps with me in the curve of the covers on my waterbed by my head, it sits on my computer desk and has coffee with me in the morning. In the daytime, it is in a holder clipped to my belt. Other than showering it is not more than 2 feet from me, and even when Showering it's on the Vanity.

Am I addicted to my Cell ? No, actually I maybe get 2-3 calls a month, if even that . Some months I get more texts than other months, and there are times, even a week to 2, that I get no texts at all .

Why am I so close to my Cell ? I have Kids, one Brain Injured one , the others normal . And My Cell is my Connection to them . I have a home phone, which probably rings twice a month , someone selling something.


But Having your Cell next to you at all times, is excusable, in situations or usage, like mine. Your BF, if Hiding Texts or Deleting Texts or hiding calls, has another Issue.
I would just sit him down , tell him that you have concerns about his secretive phone use. Tell him you respect his privacy and if he wishes to have private texts or calls while you two are together, same room , for him to please excuse himself and take it to another room.

You can liken the feeling to if he was at work and every time he came up to a couple of People talking or a group talking and as soon as he was near , They all Clamed up and changed subjects or just turned silent. I'm sure he would think something was up ?

And sometimes actions speak louder than words. Try, maybe every time you get a text or call , Excuse yourself and take it in another room or area. If he questions it, you can always reply that you feel it's Rude to keep your phone 4 inches from your chest or face and you'd rather not have him feel you were hiding something from him . So you just take calls & texts elsewhere so as not to have him feel you are Secretive with him .

[Ashlee T.]

You weren't given freakishly amazing instincts as a woman for nothing girl. Use them. If it FEELS wrong, chances are, it is. You know yourself: Are you one of those overly jealous, insecure women?? If you know that's not who you are, yet what he's doing is making you FEEL that way, then listen to your instincts. "He who has nothing to hide, hides nothing."