[Evilin me]

Since my last post, my boyfriend and I have broken up, Im now staying in my mothers basement, no job, 2 kids, and no where to go. Runner77.........I know all about suicide thoughts, I have a shrink and Im afraid that if I tell her exactly how I feel she will lock me up and throw away the key. My PMDD is way better, I now have no pierod, but its too late, all my dreams had come true, house, yard family........everything.........now because of PMDD, I have my 2 kids and a family who is ashamed to admit that Im staying with them, and wont allow me to deal with my break up.....I text and call my Ex and he has now gotten to the point that he says I need help and Im harrassing him, how does love get to the point of irritation, I have told him Im sorry a million times, and he says he is prtectin ghimself from being hurt again........he told me he felt like one of those people in a verbally abusive relationship and couldnt get out and now he has............I truely dont want a life without him...............Im disappointed every morning I wake up........for the simple fact that I woke up........I ask myself (because of tons of loss in my past) why me? Why do I have to constantly be tested, Im tired of being strong Im tired of always losing...........1 time in my life I was truely happy and because of something I couldnt control its gone.............someone help me please.......

[KMonte85]

I think you really need to be honest with your counselor and your doctors about these helpless thoughts you are having. This could still be PMDD rearing it's ugly head, or you may be dealing with some serious depression. Either way, your doctors NEED to know so they can properly treat you!

As for your ex-boyfriend, I think it is time to let go. The struggle with the PMDD was too much and he has made the choice to move on. You don't have to like it, but this is something that is out of your control and there is no use punishing yourself by rehashing the hurt of the breakup over and over. Calling and texting him to the point where he's asked you not to and called it harrassment is not going to bring him back, you will get the opposite reaction.

No, things did not turn out how you planned, and you're not in a place you want to be right now, but you have to look towards your future. Think about your kids and the kind of mom you want to be for them. And please, go back to your counselor and your doctors and tell them what's going on!

[Ashlee T.]

You're going through a transition. You don't have everything you want. The situation isn't ideal. BUT it's TEMPORARY.

Let the past be the past. He's the past. He is not the guy for you. He's not the guy for your kids. It's time to move on and realize that you're hanging on to what you thought you had, what you hoped to have, but not what you truly actually had.

[Evilin me]

I am unable to accept that we are done. Ive talked to my Dr.....Im still here.......Ive shut my phone off therefore I cant text and call......I love him so much.............thinking of never seeing him again scares me............the thought of never loving again like I did him scares me..........I just feel numb.........dont really want to feel anything.....every feeling I do have hurts so bad, I never thought my heart could ache like this............my kids are being awesome, hugging me, my daughter has been sleeping with me (she says to keep me warm lol) my son randomly kisses my forehead.... they are older so I think they understand a little better than if they were young, they understand that Im hurting and sad.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Evilin, snap out of it.

You have loved more than ever, you are loving now, your two beautiful children that are giving you un-conditional love kissing your forehead, sleeping with you keeping you warm, a feeling of endless love, un-conditional no matter how much you rant and rave, get mad, they love you. What a beautiful feeling ...

There comes a point where people can not tolerate abuse anymore, verbal, emotional, any form.

This is a transition you need to get your head in the right direction and say I WILL BEAT THIS because you want to be that happy person are you going to let this beat you? Win? Or are you going to try everything to stop it or lesson it to a place where it's manageable, where you can be more free, yourself, and happier?

Are you going to let it rule your life for ever?

Go and say I have had enough, I need to live and be happy, I need help with this, it's destroying my life and making me feel so depressed.

Take their advice believe that it can be different, believe it....and start working towards it...then, you can talk to your ex, let him see the difference - you have to have faith and belief, instead of letting anything beat you, there is always an answer.

[donnaatthegym]

hello,
im writing this to you in a way where every word im writing i mean
so,

rule number 1) get rid of him if he indeed doesnt want to be part of you and the kids then kick him and forget about him
rule number 2) family is always suppose to be there for family but they arent! what else is new!
yes it hurts very much real hurt and real real tears
but!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! remember you have to be strong for you and the kids be a leader be an example
all thise people that make fun or dont care to help or to lend a helping hand thats because they are misreable pcs of human trash ......
soooo knowing that you overcome the bitterness and while the tears are running down youre cheek think and know that this is temporary and things will be ok
i promise youll prevail you dont need noone! you heard? noone!

and as far as your therapist goes
heres some real advice
mention to the therapist whats vital and important stick to the subject and if they offer you meds dont fall into that trap where down the line it can come and haunt you big time.....

in the meantime i promise ill have you in mind during prayers and will pray that everything will be alright

last but not least
start a new page get a new cell number choose wisely whom you give the number too
hopefully soon the tears that are running down youre cheek will be those of real happy tears
happy holidays(:

[Hopeless Dork]

You have to stop contacting the ex if he's asked you to. You want to demonstrate to those around you that you have changed, and exhibiting harassing behaviors isn't going to reflect the healing you've experienced. Maybe not all hope is lost. Maybe once he sees that you have truly gotten better and are living an emotionally healthy life he will be interested in re-connecting... but you can't sit around and live for that hope... you have to develop other goals and interests and start to move on with your life.

I know what you mean about feelign like you are choking on everything life is throwing at you and when all you do is stew in all the hurt and problems they can feel insurmountable -- but they are not. This too, like all the other trials you have been through, will pass and you will persevere and find happiness again.

Make big goals but chip at them in a small and managable way. Start looking for work, take a class, join a gym, recconect with old friends or attempt to reach out to new ones. Spend time with your children. Appreciate that you won't get to go back and re-live these moments with them, the memories you are creating with them are what they will have, so do your best to steal away precious moments with them even in the little every day things of life.

Most IMPORTANTLY... don't live in guilt and regret, live in this day forward... accept that you can not go back in time, no matter how much you beat yourself up.. so there is no point in doing so. Live for this moment and the ones to come and all the promise each day you wake up brings.