[Jen154]

Hey, everyone. I just wanted to thank you all for the advice. I'm really glad I found a website like this I could go on and ask questions without anyone being too pushy or judgmental. I haven't really reached any solid conclusion, though I guess I know in the end it's really how I feel and what I want, but it's good to hear from other people.

[LanaBear]

I agree with rose...

I think it depends on what you are looking for... My husband and I had sex a year before we became "official", quite a few times. We were young (16 when we first had sex) and didn't take anything too serious, I wasn't looking for a relationship and he was on the outs of one. We got together at 17 (officially) and have been together for the past 16 years.

However, if you plan on having sex with him hoping it could lead to more, don't do it. Make sure you know where your emotions sit before diving in, if you even think you will get more attached, please don't do it.

With that said... I think people "think" about sex too much. It is something you should enjoy, as long as you are safe and have a partner that is into the same things. It's not ****ty if you enjoy it and are okay with your sexuality. JMO.

[Jen154]

I wouldn't have sex with him, and I certainly don't expect him to suddenly realize how much he wants to be with me, but it's sort of like I feel like I might as well have some fun since I'm really in the mood to. I was raised with the ideas that sex is sacred and that your body is special and you shouldn't just give it up to just anyone, and while I think that's for the most part true, I view anything before sex as much more recreational and not as big a deal. I'm not going to rip my clothes off for every attractive guy I see or anything crazy like that, I'm just looking to have a little fun.

[rosekitten]

Jen, one thing to remember (and, I mentioned it before), is that when things get hot and heavy, you aren't always aware that you're going further than you want to. Everything is hot, fun, and passionate, and then you realize a few minutes later what has happened. I'm not sure how versed you are in the recreational aspect you speak of, so it's just something to consider. Granted, I did just what you are suggesting until I had sex with my first husband, because I was raised with similar views to what you have. I always made sure I stayed aware enough of a situation to prevent sex, but it was really hard.

[Jen154]

I'll definitely be aware of it if I decide to start something, but I'm pretty careful of myself when it comes to these things. The first time I got drunk, I was so afraid of doing something that I'd really regret the next day that I was making sure every little thing I said or did was okay before I did it. I actually thought I was faking being drunk I was so self aware. Yeah, I'll keep your advice in the back of my head of something does happen to start.

[BabyGirl]

A Caution here.. You stated the first time you got Drunk.. It was Wise that you tried to keep things clear and not doing something wrong.But Honey you should not be getting Drunk at 19 years of age to start with.

The majority , though not all , of Date Rapes and " Party Rapes " are because of the Alcohol. The Girl being Drunk and allowing things to go further than they would normally and the Guy being Drunk and Pushing things to go further.

Can you see yourself the morning after a " Date Rape " accepting partial Blame, in the fact that you made out and petted and gave the " Signals " that he would take as Yes, even if you said No at the last second ?

I am in no way saying a Guy that continues after told No, is Blameless, but I also feel that the woman has some share of Blame in the outcome. If you do not put yourself in the Position, to have the "petting or Making out " get out of hand, it is less likely that you will regret it in the morning .

Another thing, is not being " ****ty or a Tease " if you act like you are ready to romp in the Hay, you'll most likely end up doing so or being forced to do so or being so drunk that you comply with doing it, because you also have lost control and Sex Takes over , rather than Using your morals.

The best thing is to date causally for a time, avoid any Heavy Petting that will just frustrate you and your guy. If you get to petting heavy and then stopping and next time petting heavier, then Stopping. You guy will get the Signal that you are a Tease and he will go find someone to take out his urges on.

When you date, let him know up Front what your goals are , If saving yourself for Marriage or Commitment, say so. Set Rules , for yourself and explain them to him.
Agree that some kissing or snuggling, hand holding, even slight petting, may be something you both learn to gradually get into.

Spend more time and effort getting to know the Inside souls and hearts of each other before exploring the physical . If he is a Good Guy, he will respect this and respect you even more, and be willing to take it slow and build a real relationship.

If he isn't the kind of guy that can respect Boundaries, then he's probably not a guy you would want as a Partner in life.

[LanaBear]

BG brings up a good point... Make sure he knows the boundaries before because if you lead him on (by omission) that things will continue to get beyond hot and heavy, that is when things can go bad. Don't let him think you may offer sex when all in all, you just want heavy petting.