[Aeryn Sun]

So, I can't go into details, but I would like to know if, with black and white info, you can give an answer.

If you know something you shouldn't, would you tell someone else something if they too, are unaware of this something? AKA, they don't know something, and you do.
You knowing, and them not knowing, is not hurting anything.

If leaked,
This information will devastate their family life.

If leaked, it would only lead back to you/the person that told you.
You and the person that told you, are the ONLY two people who know.

We became familiar with this family when two of the four adults within our two marriages worked together.
This community that the two coworkers are in, is VERY small. Emphasis on small.

If leaked, issues would/could be seen for that family, and for the working relations down the road in the form of burned bridges with superiors.

Also, we are certain our ties to this family of 6+ years would end if it was revealed what we know.

What a spot to be in.

[Claret]

What would be in it for you if you told? Is there any harm in not telling? If you answer those two questions honestly you'll have your answer.

[BabyGirl]

Goodness Aeryn,
this sounds intriguing , but confusing and not so Black and White as you said.

This seems it is involving more than just the person who told you something. Meaning that if it is about someone else ( third party/ Family ) then more than just you and the person who told you know about the " something ' as the original person (s) are also involved and know about it.

I'd guess they just don't know you and the one who told you knows. which they probably feel safe in their " Secret ".

You mention Superiors , which to me can be work related ethics that have been breached, either a relationship or even embezzlement or theft. You mention Very Small community, if it is so small, whatever it is that you hold "Secret " will most likely come out or be found out.

Even if you never say a word, that does not mean others won't find out. After all the person that told you found out didn't they ?

The thing is , the person who told you, must have been pretty bothered by the " secret ' , if they felt they had to pass it by to another trusted person to get their opinion of it .

If it Wasn't a life changing ( Family, Community, Friendship ) issue, they would have kept it to themselves. So it seems the person who told you has some "Ethics Issues" just by knowing the " Secret ".

So here you are in the middle, between Trust of One friend who told you the secret and protecting or letting the person/ family the secret is about, know that their Secret is out , or at least known to more than one person.

You are now forced in a position to decide on Damage Control.

Which is the least damaging ?

Holding the Secret to yourself and letting things just ride the waves or going to the Original ( secret maker ) and letting them know and beware that if you and the other person know, that they may want to take action to protect themselves & Family and be more cautious and possibly prepare for the Secret coming out for all the Small Community to know.

Of the two choices, I would hold still, not say anything to anyone, even the person who told you. I would tell the person who told you ...
Thanks for the Trust, but I prefer not to know anymore about it. The "secret " stops here and lets let things go on as fate allows it to be .

This being as long as the " secret " is not illegal or something like someone , touched a minor child or stole from the company or committed a crime. If it is something illegal and you know about it and not telling could have you be an Accessory , Then I would talk with a lawyer and ask the legal responsibility to you for not coming forward .

If it is an Affair that happened, stay out of it, distance yourself from the ones who had it, meaning , just be casual friends, don't be a Confidant. Avoid listening to complaints about their other half / Co Workers and suggest counseling if complaints come up.
Be too busy to Gossip about it .

Holding a Secret is hard to do. But Spreading a Secret, is " Gossip" and can spread like a Wildfire" which can destroy even the Innocent ones .

And as Claret said.
Is the harm going to be more if you pass on the Secret , even to the original Secret holder ?

Will it involve YOU to hold on to something Criminal or chose side's of a Family you have known for years ? It's not so much what you have to gain or lose by getting more involved as to (if Non Criminal ) how much damage your letting the one the secret is about ...
What will it cause to all others, including any kids ?

If it is not directly affecting you and your family and cannot put you in jeopardy or harm your job and income. Let it go. Even though you know about it, if it's not you involved, that made the Bad choice, step way. Don't let it bug you too much.

And when and if the Secret does come out. I'd just act like it is new news and Sympathize with the Family . Try to be Neutral if this happens .

[Aeryn Sun]

See, this is a not so black and white of an issue, but I can't go into detail.

The issue is not something we would be held liable for, so that isn't so much an issue, but it would come back to us.

Saying something would be greater loss than keeping mum.
Currently, no one is losing wealth, health or happiness.


All three would/could be at stake for all involved if it was leaked to said 4th person.
I, if I got the news, would be devastated, but would bounce back.

Let's pretend it is addiction. If you, your husband and your boss know your boss has a gambling problem, but it doesn't affect their home life, finances or work standards, is it problem? Well, it's an addiction, and you would probably as a spouse want to know...so, is it in the subordinates, or subordinates spouses position to tell the wife of the boss?

This person is actually no longer your boss but could be again in the future.

[BabyGirl]

Once again Aeryn.
Does it effect you Personally, your Immediate Family Personally ?

And when you say " Liable for " that has allot to keep mystery or secret about.
Liable means it can be proven in a court of law that it is your " Fault" or Cause of , or participation in that caused it .

Using your " Gambling Addiction " Theory.


If Said Person Borrowed Money from another and or covered for another person that has a Gambling problem.

That you all know is a "Problem "
This meaning only you & the person that Told you knows this person ( secret ) Owes and or Borrows from others , to a detriment of family and friends.

If a "Gambling Problem ". How are you Involved ? Was money loaned, promises given and are all in the Same Mode as to beliefs ?


Unless they owe YOU that Money.

I would, as I said, keep silent. If you did loan money, I'd be right upfront, stop by and ask . Then no explanation is necessary.


Will it effect You or your friendships ?
Again, I say, take it to the kinda old Fashioned " What I don't know can't hurt me "
What can I learn from this ?

[grrrr]

If it's something so devistating or not so bad, why can't you say what it is here? It seems like circles are being run rather than help being given.

Frankly, from what I gather, it's not your problem or business, but knowing the gossip factor is making you want to pop and tell.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Truth eventually comes out, you are giving the impression that it is not hurting you or your family or employment, that it may do so if the boss returns to his position. If it is "gambling" of a workplace It will be found out, eventually and as you are the only one who knows, the "wife" even though a "friend" will not realise someone else knew unless you tell her.

I never feel that it is wise to disclose information that has nothing to do with you, rather someone else.

I also question "friends" as well, when in the workforce, what appears is not always what it seems..

Your friends are those that would cut their right arm off to save your life, if they had to...

Keep it to yourself.

CW