my friend kaitlin and i have been good friends for about eight years now. the more and more we got close, the more and more (and i know this sounds conceded but it's the truth) she tried to be like me. dress like me. do her hair like me. date boys that are my type. it was annoying (although flattering, in a weird, stalker way), but our personalities attracted so i learned how to shrug it off. things have not changed over the years. except now, i get the impression she feels the need to one-up me.
i started dating my boyfriend almost 4 years ago. we have an amazing relationship & people tend to notice that. she would always tell me how lucky i am, etc. but i am humble about it, knowing her history with men, and remind her how she will have a nice guy when she meets the right one. lately, my boyfriend and i have been struggling financially since i am working a minimum wage job while attending beauty school & he is unemployed due to being laid off. we live at home with his mom and have been trying really hard to move on from his job loss and improve our situation by moving into our own apartment. she had a baby our senior year in high school (the father is not in the picture), but lived at home for financial support from her parents as well as help with her son while she goes to school. struggling like we are has become increasingly depressing & so i confided in her one day and told her how i felt. she did very little to support me, and it hurt but i kept my feelings to myself.
fast forward three months later, she informs me her parents are helping her purchase an affordable home. i congratulated her and told her if she needed any help moving in to give me a call. but then she kept on and on about it, basically rubbing it in my face because she knows that's what i've been working so hard for, and getting no where with it (i won't go into detail). she expected me to be excited for her and although i admit i was kind of jealous, i was more upset at the fact she would do something like that after i tried so hard to make her feel equal with her relationship situation. but i blew it off, knowing it wasn't worth hurting a relationship over.
now to my real problem.
she started dating this new guy about a month ago; he's 32 years old (she just turned 21). he's been in and out of prison, but she is intrigued by him because he tells her what she wants to hear & puts her first (unlike most guys she dates). within a week, he starts moving in with her so she anxiously invites me over to meet him. i have never met a more arrogant person in my entire life! the whole time all he did was talk about himself and how GREAT his life is, although he lives at home with his mom, doesn't have a job or car and has a criminal background. he demands her allow him to smoke cigarettes in her home around her son although she is a non-smoker and will openly admit she doesn't like being around it. he is obnoxious, outspoken & all talk. he tells her how wonderful of a life they'll have together in the future, yet does nothing to improve himself. he was very rude and vulgar for meeting someone for the first time.
my friend texted me later that night asking me what i thought about him and i told her my honest opinion: he's trouble. he is going to get her into something she cannot deal with & risk her relationship with her son. she was upset with me, but i felt i had to tell her the truth. we didn't talk for a while after that, but i thought it was good to give her time to see where things went with him. i hadn't heard from her for a couple weeks until today... she texted me to tell me that her and her new boyfriend are engaged! i am concerned for her. she is doing it for all the wrong reasons. i don't want to see this guy break her heart, but i am tired of trying for her when she would not do the same for me. she wants me to be happy for her but i am having a hard time biting my lip and pretending to give her my blessing. with him being in the picture, i don't even feel comfortable going to her house & she won't go anywhere without him, so i feel like this scumbag is ruining my relationship with her. i'm at the point i'm not even sure if it's worth fighting for anymore.
do i bite my tongue and speak up or let her see for herself?
i started dating my boyfriend almost 4 years ago. we have an amazing relationship & people tend to notice that. she would always tell me how lucky i am, etc. but i am humble about it, knowing her history with men, and remind her how she will have a nice guy when she meets the right one. lately, my boyfriend and i have been struggling financially since i am working a minimum wage job while attending beauty school & he is unemployed due to being laid off. we live at home with his mom and have been trying really hard to move on from his job loss and improve our situation by moving into our own apartment. she had a baby our senior year in high school (the father is not in the picture), but lived at home for financial support from her parents as well as help with her son while she goes to school. struggling like we are has become increasingly depressing & so i confided in her one day and told her how i felt. she did very little to support me, and it hurt but i kept my feelings to myself.
fast forward three months later, she informs me her parents are helping her purchase an affordable home. i congratulated her and told her if she needed any help moving in to give me a call. but then she kept on and on about it, basically rubbing it in my face because she knows that's what i've been working so hard for, and getting no where with it (i won't go into detail). she expected me to be excited for her and although i admit i was kind of jealous, i was more upset at the fact she would do something like that after i tried so hard to make her feel equal with her relationship situation. but i blew it off, knowing it wasn't worth hurting a relationship over.
now to my real problem.
she started dating this new guy about a month ago; he's 32 years old (she just turned 21). he's been in and out of prison, but she is intrigued by him because he tells her what she wants to hear & puts her first (unlike most guys she dates). within a week, he starts moving in with her so she anxiously invites me over to meet him. i have never met a more arrogant person in my entire life! the whole time all he did was talk about himself and how GREAT his life is, although he lives at home with his mom, doesn't have a job or car and has a criminal background. he demands her allow him to smoke cigarettes in her home around her son although she is a non-smoker and will openly admit she doesn't like being around it. he is obnoxious, outspoken & all talk. he tells her how wonderful of a life they'll have together in the future, yet does nothing to improve himself. he was very rude and vulgar for meeting someone for the first time.
my friend texted me later that night asking me what i thought about him and i told her my honest opinion: he's trouble. he is going to get her into something she cannot deal with & risk her relationship with her son. she was upset with me, but i felt i had to tell her the truth. we didn't talk for a while after that, but i thought it was good to give her time to see where things went with him. i hadn't heard from her for a couple weeks until today... she texted me to tell me that her and her new boyfriend are engaged! i am concerned for her. she is doing it for all the wrong reasons. i don't want to see this guy break her heart, but i am tired of trying for her when she would not do the same for me. she wants me to be happy for her but i am having a hard time biting my lip and pretending to give her my blessing. with him being in the picture, i don't even feel comfortable going to her house & she won't go anywhere without him, so i feel like this scumbag is ruining my relationship with her. i'm at the point i'm not even sure if it's worth fighting for anymore.
do i bite my tongue and speak up or let her see for herself?
Get The Newsletter
Comment