[anonimousey]

Thanks very much for all your help, jns.

I hope everything goes okay with my boyfriend and I, I don't want to be apart from him.

[jns]

Best wishes.

[anonimousey]

Just another question, guys.

What do you feel when you kiss your loved one? I mean all kisses: quick kisses before work; goodnight kisses; kisses on the cheek/forehead, etc.
When I kiss my boyfriend, lately during the kiss I've been asking myself what it is im feeling when I kiss him.
I mean, should you feel all tingly and goosepimply? It might have been like that the first few times, but every single time after that?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think that (love) or thinking you are in love is, actually lust.. When two people get together, they can not wait to see each other, everything is new, the person is new, getting to know them, their body, their actions, reactions and emotions.

At some point that changes. It either, falls into familiarity or it gets stronger, just on a different level and alot depends on how you both "work" the relationship.

It's funny, people don't realise that relationships are work as well, just like your 9-5 job..

My fiance text messages me, or calls every single day he works between shifts. He kisses me and holds me, every single morning he wakes up and says good morning.. I have imagined if that didn't occur.. We would be living together as "mates".. Intimacy is important (if you are active), same problem, the longer you let it go, the less you want to do it, and when you do, it's just sex. I'm conscious of ensuring that doesn't happen, well unless I only want sex

Not imagining being with someone else is familiarity. Acknowledgement that he'd make a good Father, is a good point but won't make you happy as a couple.

If you see each other on weekends and just climb into bed, watch TV / Movies, fall asleep and that's your relationship? It's going to be over... It's winter, there are flu's there is also a mobile phone, somewhere cheap or non-expensive to go, you have to constantly remember that comfort zones can become mundane.

Not sure what bought on your depression and it appears it was right at the time you started seeing your boyfriend, but that should have helped you somewhat, not made it worse and don't let a Doctor tell you depression gives you the right to quit.. It doesn't.. People can get out of it, but only you the person can do that.

Get out, hold hands, text him.. Snuggle your head under his shoulder, talk about travel, dreams, goals, see if you feel something from that.. When you kiss, look him in the eyes first and after, see if you "feel" something.. Because when in love, you do.

[lizzardb63]

You're not going to feel "passion" 24/7, especially after being with them for years and years. Does that mean you NEVER feel passion? No. As JNS said, you won't miss them to the point where you ache if they are just going to work, but if they leave for a whole weekend or week, that's when that sadness and aching occurs. You're not going to feel butterflies EVERY TIME you kiss, but you should some/most of the times. Sometimes a kiss is a kiss,but when you're being intimate, it should feel like more than just a kiss. Especially after you have kids, that intimacy can disappear quickly, but you have to take time for each other and still "get to know" each other. Spark up some new conversations "What are your goals in the next 5 years" or "If you have 3 wishes what would they be"... any type of conversation out of the ordinary can open up a bunch of topics that allow you both to be honest and vulnerable with each other again. This is just my experience though.

[jns]

Just another question, guys.

What do you feel when you kiss your loved one? I mean all kisses: quick kisses before work; goodnight kisses; kisses on the cheek/forehead, etc.
When I kiss my boyfriend, lately during the kiss I've been asking myself what it is im feeling when I kiss him.
I mean, should you feel all tingly and goosepimply? It might have been like that the first few times, but every single time after that?

I don't try to analyze the kiss during the moment of the kiss. I would think that that would distract from the kiss itself.

A kiss can have a feelings of pride, reassurance, tenderness, sexuality and/or others. I kiss my wife everyday before going to work, tell her I love her and that I will see her that night. This is bonding between us, reassurance of our status and reassurance that nothing will change. If she leaves first, she come to me for a hug and a kiss. This is similar to CW's situation. If the partners in a relationship never get too far apart, it is less likely that there will be a split in the relationship. Work on maintaining the bonding.

Feelings that cause you to curl your toes from a good, sensual kiss occur if the situation is right, but not all of the time.

[anonimousey]

I feel like I could cry, I just soent about half an hour writing a follow up to this post, but I pressed the back button on my phone, now it's all gone and I don't have the strength to write it all over again. Poop

[anonimousey]

Hey guys, thanks for continuing to post in this thread, I appreciate all of your words of advice.

I wanted to give an update on the situation, however as you can see by my previous post here it'll be my second time posting it and I feel quite drained so bare with me.

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years now (I realise this may not be a large amount of time for some people, but it's been a significant part of my life). I'm still having the same thoughts as detailed in my initial post (not solidly through the relationship, but right this second and for the past few days).

I'm really having trouble with the whole 'feeling during kissing' thing, I don't know what my boyfriend feels because I haven't asked - I think it's a difficult thing to explain, like the feeling of water or wetness. For example, sometimes I'll randomly think about kissing my boyfriend, wrapping my arms around his neck, going up on tiptoes, and I'll feel a rush of excitement or something, like I really want to do it... But then I do it and feel nothing at all.

Just to explain, I am someone who over thinks EVERYTHING. I can't just have a thought and then leave it alone, the thought will consume me; - It will tail off into other thoughts, I doubt myself all the time, I have no instincts and I definately don't trust myself to make desicions or just trust myself generally in life. This 'personality trait' makes things so much more difficult.

When I was at school I had this shy quiet friend who I'd talk to sometimes on msn; he'd often just say 'What is love?', I didn't really understand the question, so I just gave some typical obligitory answer. Now however I totally and completely understand the question and am privvy to all the other questions that come with it: What is love? What is love for a human/animal? How do we even define love? Is love for a friend different to a family member/partner/etc? How is it different? With all the billions of people in the world, how is it likely that you've found the person whom you love and who loves you too? How do I address my feelings? If they don't love me back should I try to forget my love or harbor it forever? If I don't harbor it forever does that mean I didn't actually love them in the first place? What does it feel like when you're telling someone you love them (not for the first time)? How am I supposed to know I'm loved? What does that feel like? How do I show someone I love them? Does sex come from love or does love come from sex? I could go on and on with this list, but I'm probably boring you.

There is sero intimacy between us, I don't want to be 'sexually' touched by anyone, and I don't want to 'sexually' touch anyone. We have no time or interest in even trying to have sex anway.

We still see each other just the one time a week (maybe for a few hours after/before work), I work day shifts, he works nights, we see each other the most at weekends when we're both pretty pooped.

I don't want to label or define my relationship with my boyfriend according to someone elses thoughts and beliefs, I just want to know how I feel and writing all of this down might help me some.

There's a girl (27) at work who tells me about her relationship with her boyfriend, she was saying about how he 'gets' her, and she 'gets' him, that's really great and all and it made me think. I get my boyfriend and vice versa, but it's not something I would say about us, it's weird because I wouldn't really know what to say, the thought wouldn't occur to me to say it.

Just as an add on: I'm not interested in anyone else (am I even interested in my boyfriend?), and we both have a history of anxiety and depression.

All your responses/thoughts/ideas are very much appreciated, thank you.

[rcoreyus]

Rather like my other reply to you, words are not very good at expressing human emotions. "Love" is used for how you feel about your child, your dog, your mother, your country, your boyfriend, your husband of 50 years, or a really good cheesecake. These are all good things but they are different. Even with the same person "love" changes over time. The giddy nervousness of not knowing how your partner will react is replaced with the easy intimacy when you do.

The best I can put it is that if you love someone, then you are happy when you are with them. You are happy when you do something to make them happy. When I send my wife roses at work by surprise, I enjoy imagining her surprised happy expression when they arrive.

[anonimousey]

Hi rcoreyus, thanks for replying. Your post throws some more questions my way: for example, wouldn't someone feel the things you describe in your last paragraph for a friend or family member? I'm having real trouble discerning the difference.

I kind of think that you need to love and accept yourself in order to be able to accept love from another person. I pretty much hate myself, i'm my own worst enemy - i've got really low self esteem and am really insecure. If someone gives me a compliment I always think they're taking the mick out of me, they want something or they're just a nice person who likes to compliment people.

I've been reading up on this subject (a lot), and many people are saying 'love is caring more about the other persons feelings than your own.' Isn't this just called being a good person?

It doesn't happen that I have no instincts, I (clearly) don't know what my brain is doing.

I feel that sex is what makes a friendship a relationship, what are your feelings on this? Sex is really painfull for the pair of us, so if we do get a chance (which is very very rare), it's always awful.

There's also the issue of the difference between 'loving' someone and being 'in love' with them.

I haven't told my boyfriend I love him for a few weeks. I feel the word 'love' is a heavy, important word and I respect and care for my boyfriend too much to just throw it around