[Bug_Lady]

Everything you are feeling is valid. Just remember that. When we get so wrapped up in something we start questioning ourselves and telling ourselves that we shouldn't be feeling what we are. But all feelings - rational or not - are valid. I hope your talk with her goes well. I have a feeling it will. This will kind of be a grieving period and I'd consider finding a counselor to see to help you compartmentalize these feelings. <3

[katzintheclouds]

Thank you all for your love, advice & support. Yesterday we had a great conversation that really made me feel better. It wasn't too in depth because I honestly felt like it would be way too much to really sob it out about everything, I found myself feeling better the minute we got some face time (thank god for skype). I explained to her that it's strange to think about because we always had this unspoken bond & had this different kind of relationship. We both agreed that we love each other a **** of a lot & will always ALWAYS be there for each other. I realized as she was talking that I was being a little selfish in feeling like it was all about me, how would this affect ME, how do I feel about it, how does it bother me, etc etc. I hadn't really seen her excitement & when I did, it made me feel a lot better. We both love each other & we always will, but ultimately, this is what is where our lives are taking us. I'm in my own relationship, I've got my own family going on, I know this gut reaction is just a sign that I do truly love her but the rationalizing I've done in the past day or so has really made it easier. I'm not losing her & she wants me to be there with her every step to help her on this journey.

[KMonte85]

that's wonderful, kat! I'm so glad to hear your conversation went so well (although I kind of knew it would )

[katzintheclouds]

Wanted to bring some news about this thread, wasn't sure if I should start a while new one or not. Just wanted to write a little about how things have been going. Since that conversation, things have gotten a little better, I'm still going through those moments though where I worry about losing her. As I said we've talked about it a lot & I think some of the issue was def. that I was a little jealous me & my boyfriend weren't where they are (I always thought I'd be married before her). Still, I think the majority of everything is that I love her dearly & in some other universe, I can see us being with each other. It's a strange thing to say I know, but it's the truth. It's not that universe though & our lives have taken us in these directions. We keep talking about it though, she understands. In a way I'm just allowing myself to work through it, I am so honored to be her maid of honor in her wedding. Helping her plan will give me that importance feeling again because I know she needs me & is looking to me. That is one thing that reminds me how much she does care for me.

And funny thing is we swear that one day as old ladies, we'll be together & have all our cats. Haha. Sounds silly, but what a thing to look forward too!

[KMonte85]

thank you for the update kat Do what you can to be the best MOH ever! It seems like you're doing an awesome job at listening to your feelings while still being there for her. Kudos to you!

[Hugo-B]

I'm one of the last one's out of my circle of friends who's not married or engaged. I do think it's different for men though. It has only been since last summer I've had a GF! Before that I was single for about 2 years. As a man I feel no jealousy or insecurity towards my friends but my ex (who I split up with a couple of years ago) hasn't settled into a serious relationship and is one of the last girls to neither be married nor engaged and I can see as a 31 year old woman how it can be difficult for her.

Seeing our peers get engaged then married (basically moving in that 'grow up' direction towards settling down) makes us take inventory of our own lives, similar to a death in some respects, it makes us assess we are, where we are going,and where we want to go. Then we subsequently contrast that with where what we're really doing, and where we FEAR we are going.

I think women put themselves under more pressure than men to marry and procreate (most women want to be married before they have kids) and don't want to have to try and conceive any later than their mid thirties, whereas this isn't a concern for men. I also think that woman are JUST as competitive as men, just in different ways, and I've seen how smug some girls get when they fall pregnant/get engaged/buy houses/get married. No body wants to feel like 'last on the shelf' but I really don't think this is the way to look at it. I think getting married is a massive deal to girls, and MUCH more important to them than it is to most men. I personally don't think marriage is a massive deal and I wouldn't care if I never got married but recently decided it would be the right thing to do for the woman's sake because it means so much to them. If me and my GF move on and ever get married then I'll be making sure she gets the best rock I can afford and the best wedding I can give her, because I know it is so important to her.

I've heard a lot of girls say exactly what you are saying, I don't think you're jealous, I bet you're more envious (check the definitions). When a lifelong friend makes a commitment like this to someone else, after everything you've shared it's normal to feel slightly betrayed and a little lost, especially if you're single. But this is just life I'm afraid, and I'm sure the right man is waiting just around the corner for you, in fact he'll probably be bringing some nice friends to the wedding, have you asked him about the seating plan?