[megan102]

Not sure if you all read my last post it was from a couple of months ago where we were having sex problems and some trust issues. Well, i am now convinced more then ever that he has been lying to me, atleast once that i know of, and now the trust for me is completely gone. The other day i came home and was picking up around the apartment and found a porn laying under his clothes. Now, i'm not a big stickler on porn but our sex life has been suffering majorly so it did hurt me. I confronted the issue over the phone because he wasn't home and i flat out told him word for word it is not the actual porn that is the issue, its the fact that i lay next to you every night and you show absolutely no sexually interest whatsoever. So, he came up with this elaborate story about how he went back to his parents house and his brother was borrowing his dresser and found it in there and gave it to him and he threw it in some clothes and never thought about it since...seems logical until i put a few things together where the previous day he asked me to get us some food and when i asked if he would join me he said no. I left the door unlocked when i came back it was locked. There was a dvd we had previously watched sitting on the coffee table so i knew he had taken it out for some reason and he was sitting there in his underwear and when i left he was fully clothed. HELLO! i am not an idiot. However, he still denies the whole thing saying he never watched it and he wants us to work on our sex life. Well i know he is lying, i just know it. and it frustrates me like no other that he wont just admit it. Its not a huge deal if you would just say yes i watched it because our sex life sucks and we need to work on it. BUT he just denies denies denies. Back in november i found a text between him and a friend (female) talking about getting together. I don't know if it was innocent or not but he swears up and down that they never saw each other. In my heart i felt it was a lie but i use to "know" he was telling the truth because would say "i swear on my parents lives i am not lying to you" well he said that about the porn too and the signs are all there telling me it was a lie. So now this is way less about the **** porn and now about how he lied about that probably lied about the girl and probably has lied about so much **** that i have no clue about. We have been together about 3.5 years and i just feel like now i cant trust him anymore. I really do want to leave but i dont really know how to go about doing it..if that makes sense. We already have a beach trip planned for next week and gosh i just hate liars so much i feel so disgusted by him. Like, i don't even want to be around him much less have this romantic trip. Lying is the biggest NONO for me in a relationship and he knows this but still does this **** anyways.
Sincerely,
Frustrated

[attagirl28]

If your positive you want to break up with him, you just have to tell him how you feel and let him know there is no changing your mind. But if you arent sure but you dont want to be around him, tell him you just need some alone time, and either you go stay somewhere or he goes and stays somewhere. When your upset because of lying your brain gets all mushed up and you do and say things you necassarily wouldnt do in a clearer mind set. I totally know how you feel about the lying though

[megan102]

Yes, i suppose you are right. In my head i keep telling myself lie once, lie twice, lie a million times and it just seems like i should leave him because who wants to be with someone they can't trust. But then that love thing, oh that crappy love thing. I wish it were as easy as my head makes it out to be. I just cannot stand that there may be things that i don't know or won't know because he is not truthful.

[BabyGirl]

Megan, you have Gut Feelings.. And you should Follow them.
I would take this " Romantic " Beach Week/ weekend and spend the time, or as much of it as Possible, Talking this out with him.

You can Start by telling him the things you do Appreciate and " Love " about him, then you can tell him you are not sure your relationship will last. Explain the Trust issue and how important it is to You.

Explain.. Don't ASK ..
That you know you are having problems as a Couple , Sexually, and finding Porn, magazines, DVD's, On Comp, Sex Talk or Flirting with other Women, is Not helping.

State the FACTS..
I Found, I Saw, You Acted ( fill in Blanks ). I am unwilling to Question or Worry or Wonder if you can and will be 100% Honest with me in this Relationship.

I Have already told you that if you watched/ Looked at that Porn, I could accept that you did it, But I cannot accept your being Untruthful About it. You want / Say you want to work on our Sexual Part of Our Relationship..

This is Great,
But Respectful comes before Sexual. I expect Honesty, I will give Honesty, Little White Lies will not " help " my feelings to not be hurtful.
If you Did It Admit it .. and we can go from there .

If you have an ED Problem or Porn Addiction, let me know.. If You feel I am not doing my Share of the Relationship, Let me Know.. We Need to Address this Issue, I'm willing to give it a try for ( fill in Time limit ).
If we cannot resolve this where we both are Happy, Trusting and Loving, in our relationship, It is time to move on and each of us Find someone more Compatible and that we can be happy together with .

One Must remember that Unconditional Love...Is Given To Children, Animals and whatever " Religion or Great Spirit " you believe in.
All Others must Earn it, with Respect, Trust, Morality, Forgiveness .. And someone Willing to give them another Chance..

[Stillness]

Hey megan102, i just read your other threads. Are you still considering marriage? The chances of your situation improving are extremely slim in my opinion. Lack of trust. Lack of affection. Lack of regard for your feelings. It's difficult to make a marriage work with caring honest people. He's showing you now what the rest of your life would be like with him. And this is probably much better treatment han what you would get as his wife.

[Guest]

It's time for you to go...

[KMonte85]

The trust is gone in the relationship, obviously. And once the trust is gone, what's left?

Do yourself and him a favor and move on...

[megan102]

Yes these are the answers i was expecting but was still afraid of.