[libra]

i am so numb i don't even know what to say or where to begin, or how to muster up the energy to say what i want. my whole body hurts, and on the inside, i can't really feel anything. i wish i had someone around who cared, or give me a hug, but i don't have anyone.

my husband is a terrible person. i usually believe there is good in everyone but i don't believe there's any good in him. he doesn't even see the things that he does are not ok. it is all my fault and i carry the weight of everything. i am a stupid *****, who doesn't do anything, that's what he says.

i don't want to be hurt anymore. but i don't know what to do. all of my family is miles and miles away. i moved away from them on my own when i was fourteen. i don't know how much i'd even want to be with them.

i keep saying when i get a job, i'll be able to leave on my own without involving anyone else but i can't find a job...

last night i asked him to get cooking oil, so that i could fry shrimp for us to eat, as we have no food or anything and i had all i needed for fried shrimp except oil. well, i don't even know how, but it turned into me being a stupid worthless *****, and before you know it, i'm held down and being hit in my head over and over and over again. he bent one of my fingers back like to break it, and he bit me on my arm really hard and i don't remember the rest of the stuff because it's like i disappear so i don't know what's going on. my back hurts, i think he hurt one of my ribs, because yesterday when i took a deep breath, it hurt. my lungs don't hurt, but my back does. now it still hurts but i can feel it all the time.

i fight back but it does no good. i told his family or tried to tell his family and they don't do anything. their advice to me was to do it back but it doesn't work like that...

i used to be such a strong person. now i don't have any strength at all, i mean it. i feel so weak. idk who i am. sometimes i dream about someone just being nice to me. before i lost my last job, sometimes it made me want to cry when guys held doors for me. something just as simple as that meant so much to me and they could never understand why but it changed my whole day. it is nice to be conversated with, and to have someone be polite to you, these are things i don't know of anymore, i'm so lonely and sad. i know i sound pathetic, i absolutely have to, but i am just being honest. i have no one to talk to. i try to sleep as long as i can so i don't have to wake up. it seems like when he comes home i begin to have panic attacks. i am in a constant state of anxiety as it is but it seems to get worse and worse the closer the time gets to when he gets home, and then when he is here, it's through the roof. then he makes it worse. he tells me i bring everything on myself and if i wasn't so stupid things wouldn't happen. but i act stupid. stupid stupid stupid i repeat this word in my head over and over. or *****. or trick, *****, ****. its all i ever hear. no matter how good i clean, or how much i do for him when he asks me to, it doesnt mean anything. i really wish i had a friend. but even if i had a friend i wouldnt be allowed to go see them or spend time with them. so its better off i just drop the friends thing because people just see me as a liar, or someone who doesnt come through when they say they will, but if they only knew.

sorry this is so long. but thank you for reading this. please dont judge me as i never meant for any of this to happen. i didnt know that he would be like this. he was my best friend. oh well. i just needed to get it out because i never have anyone to talk to. so ty for listening, it means more than you know!

[lizzardb63]

You need to go to the police and get help! Save yourself before it's too late! Do you have children together? I realize it's easier said than done, but you have to seek outside help for this. Talking to his family doesn't do any good, so you must go to the authorities. You're not stupid, you sound like a wonderful kind hearted person who just wants to see the good in everything. You don't deserve this treatment. If you need to, seek help at a women's shelter. They will give you a place to stay until you find a job and it gets you away from the destructive and dangerous environment that you live in.

[BabyGirl]

Libra,
Being your First post here, can we ask a few more Questions. like what Country are you from or if you are allowed Protection by your Laws ?

Some countries do not allow Women or Children to be Independent and be able to progress on their own will . But if in the USA or any of our Affiliated Countries, you can have protection.
If He Hits you, call the Cops , if he hits your Kids, Call the Cops. If you fear for your life or your kids, leave and call the Cops.

Walk down the old Dirt Road, with kids in Tow.. Someone will help you and them . And hopefully Him.

You have the Internet, so Knock on every " Net Door " Talk with anyone you can online or by " phone " to get some help. Do It NOW. Not Tomorrow,
Cooking oil for Fried Shrimp, is something , you don't need to be beaten over, Baked, Broiled and Grilled or even Raw shrimp can be just as Tasty.

[Darling]

There is no reason for him to beat you. It is not okay. You deserve to be loved and treated like a queen. Get out while you still can, take control of this now. Run, walk out the four and don't look back. You are not his prisoner, leave. Please don't stay in this situation. I pray you are in a country that will allow you to live your own life, and I pray you find the strength to walk away from your abusive evil husband. Marriage should be loving and caring!
Good luck sweet heart, please tale care if yourself.

[Darling]

I'm sorry for all the errors, I'm on my phone and I didn't realize it.