[megan102]

i am so glad i have a place to vent to other people and feel that they are being completely honest even when the honesty hurts. so alas here i am once again with a heavy heart. I feel like i am a wonderful girlfriend. I am decent looking, i stay fit and keep myself looking nice. I am financially stable. I never ask for money or expect for things to be paid for. I compromise on many levels as far as interests and hobbies go, i'm willing to try new things that are of a S.O's interest even if they are not my own. I am 100% honest and loyal. I don't nag (well, not that i know of) I don't question or accuse and most of the time encourage my S.O to spend time with friends/family etc. I feel like i am a wonderful catch, i really do. I expect very little just honesty and respect and of course love in a relationship but i feel like I will never recieve this. I feel as though there will never be a man that will be 100% honest and loyal to me. I feel as though I am ALWAYS the one who cares more, the one who gives more. ALWAYS. What i am wondering is, does a man exist who will always try to make me happy, always be trustworthy, be willing to give as much as he recieves, be financially stable, be willing to try out my interests, etc. Does this ever exist or is this just some kind of fairy tale inside of my head?

[jns]

Such men do exist, but if you follow a path of always questioning a good man about these things, he probably will get to a point where he won't care after having his motives questioned all of the time. Are you asking this question rhetorically or have you had bad experiences that have led you to these conclusions?

[Ashlee T.]

Always remember that to a great extent, you manifest your own destiny. If you believe it's not out there, you won't seek it, you won't believe it, and therefore you won't find it or might not even realize it when you do. I feel your pain. I do. I'm 29, single, and I get very discouraged sometimes. Is there really someone out there for ME? I don't have a list of crazy requirements...I just want true love (and all those things you mentioned come with that). But see, I do totally believe that is out there for me. And so I'm totally content until I find it. And you need to believe it's out there for you too. Your expectations are NOT unrealistic. You sound like a great gal....and there'a a great guy out there for you. Just be patient. And in the meantime, live your life and love every minute of it.

[SaharaJim]

I feel like i am a wonderful catch, i really do. I expect very little just honesty and respect and of course love in a relationship but i feel like I will never recieve this.
there will never be a man that will be 100% honest and loyal to me.
I feel as though I am ALWAYS the one who cares more, the one who gives more. ALWAYS.

What i am wondering is, does a man exist who will always try to make me happy,.....

Does this ever exist or is this just some kind of fairy tale inside of my head?

Sorry Megan; being "happy" comes from within rather than something another person can "give" you. My now ex-wife thought that being with me could "make her happy"; when it didn't she became even more "unhappy". As for being the "martyr" who always "cares more" and "gives more"; how do you measure how much the other person gives or cares? My mother; who stayed married to my father until death did they part, always said the you can't give 50% in a marriage and expect a 50-50% exchange...each has to give 100%. Men like that do exist but you have to examine how YOU measure the giving and what you expect. If you expect giving and caring in exactly even amounts as measured by you....I think you will have a problem. It is easy to pick out when someone isn't even "trying" but quite another to quantify and measure the other person's actions and feelings.
If you give and care with the expection of what you will receive in return...you aren't giving and caring...you are trading. Is that how you want to live? Fairy tales are wonderful..but the "happily ever after" depends on you.

[Guest]

Good question! In my opinion is that we are to use wisdom in choosing this person, and especially look for qualities and character traits. Keep in mind that it’s not healthy to expect another person to complement us in every way or to feel that good relationships don’t encounter any challenges. I know of couples who have been happily married for many years and believe that they should put in effort to make their marriages work. What’s more, it’s important to remember that no one is fully capable of completing us except for God.

*removed advertising for outbound website*

[Hugo-B]

I know this sounds cliche, but he'll come along when you least expect it. You sound like a great catch, and may appear to good to be to many men.
Keep looking and never make do'. I believe one of the biggest problems in society is people getting into relationships for the wrong reasons (fear of being single for example) then staying in them (for financial reasons or because of children) and subsequently staying miserable and raising children in - at best - sub optimal environments, and at worst abusive and dysfunctional environments. Never be one of these people, misery loves company and many will tell you that you are aiming too high or being unrealistic, don't settle for the next person who comes along and shows a bit of interest just because they lacked the courage and emotional self sufficiency to stay single long enough to meet someone with whom they really were compatible with.

The morning of the day I met the women who made the happiest I've ever been I can remember walking my dog ad thinking I'd never meet anyone again (I'd been on an awful date the night before, too). Honestly, that's how I felt. I didn't know that by persevering and making the effort to go out that night I'd meet an amazing little women who restored my faith in the female species.

The darkest hour is always the one before sunrise.

[Hopeless Dork]

Men, I find, usually just want to make the woman they are with happy. It takes different things to make a woman happy, and they generally have trouble figuring out what those things are without guidance

A happy girlfriend/wife... makes for a happy life, and so typically unless you are dealing with some guy with serious issues... once they learn the way to treat you they are more than happy to oblige to keep you happy.

If you feel your emotional needs arent being met in numerous relationships past, perhaps its time to stop and ask yourself if you have made it clear what you want from them? It sounds like you are taking a lead by example approach.. but most men don't work that way in their thought process.

They don't sit around and add up all your wonderful things you do and try to do equal or better wonderful things. They, on a larger scale, don't sit and analyze relationships in the way that women do -- so typically they have no idea there is a problem unless you tell them there is a problem.

When a guy does something that makes you feel disrespected, don't attack it, but also.. don't ignore it. Instead, simply tell him how the action made you feel ... and even better, give him a suggestion of how easily he could make you happy in the same situation.

Example: You are out to eat and some beautiful woman sits across the room and he ogles her on and off all night. He thinks he's just enjoying the eye candy, in the whole 'not touching/no problem' male brain.. he thinks he's doing okay.

Instead of firing off at him angrily, and instead of ignoring it and silently feeling crushed and building resentment of feeling disrespected... simply say, you know, I understand you are going to notice when you see a beautiful woman, but when you are paying them so much attention in my presence, I feel disrespected.

Now he knows. He knows that aren't okay with him spending the whole night staring at some random chick. The next time you are out, more than likely he will check himself and be sure to not hurt your feelings. If he does... then now YOU know, your feelings are not important to him.

But if you never say, they may have no idea they've done something you find disrespectful. Basically, what I am saying is if you only sit and add up all you do, and all the things they don't do.. you are just setting yourself up for heartbreak. Dont measure relationships in *** for tat. But in no means settle for treatment you dont deserve. But by no means expect a man to just KNOW, what it takes to make you feel special, or know what not to do to make you feel respected. That is almost always, in any relationship... going to require communication.

And if they fail to understand or appreciate your feelings, its an ill-fit.

[rcoreyus]

No one is 100% anything, so you do need to be able to tolerate faults, but there are men (and women) out there who are honest, kind, loyal, hard working, loving and all the other things you might want.

A good question to ask yourself is where are you finding the men you have been dating. You describe yourself as a good catch - if so, there will be a lot of men who want you - how are you choosing between them? Is it possible that you are falling for the ones who are more aggressive and maybe less honest in their attempts to win you?

[AshB$]

Don't you love venting? I do!
Well, I've heard two different things on this issue.... I've heard people say, NEVER settle for less! Which is great if you view it right. That means wait for something (Someone) who has all the traits you want! Might not be easy, but very possible!
OR, you have to compromise. Saying, no one is perfect. You have to love someone, including their flaws.
It's up to you if you want someone who is EXACTLY your dream! That is perfectly okay! It's your life.
OR, you could fall for someone who has a few things wrong with em. Learn to love their flaws.
Your expectations are not unrealistic. They are real. Too many girls settle for less and end up getting themselves into something they never really wanted to begin with.
Stay true to yourself. You deserve someone who is great to you! And willing to support and love you just the same you are willing!
Good luck!

[Element]

Yes, there are some people who are willing to do that. But also, are you willing to try out his interests? Are you willing to sit by him in a movie theatre and watch a movie that he wants to see, and you don't? There is always give and take, go out of your way for someone else. But what you must remember is that just because you choose to do something for someone else, does not mean that they are obligated to do the same for you. This isn't always an easy pill to swallow. But you make your decisions, and no one else's. You choose to do something out of the goodness of your heart, not so you can have ammo to make someone obligated to do for you what you've done for them.

Also, people 'spoil' other people by different ways. You may meet a man who thinks cooking you a dinner you've never had before is spoiling you. We all come from different pasts, have different thought patterns and we make some decisions that others may not understand right off the back. Just keep communication open and get to know the person. Don't assume anything or just write them off because they aren't automatically lining up with what a snap judgement might make.

What it all ultimately comes down to, is that opposites attract. You may meet a man who loves you to the depths of his soul, believes you are the most beautiful being he has ever seen, does his utmost to spoil you, treats you right, respects you, accepts your quirks and loves to make you smile, but he may not be as financially stable as you are. So would you just write him off and look at the next man in line? I think we all have things we would like to see in our significant other, but what it comes down to is the heart chooses who it loves, and you have no say in it and your heart won't let you know until it's firmly made it's decision. But that's the way it should be anyway. At least in my own personal opinion.