[I_Am_A_Man]

I have been Seeing this girl for about 2 months now (have posted here a few times about her). About a month ago, her ex-bf came to town and she said she "couldn't talk", which is fine - we weren't officially dating and nothing was serious at that point. So I stopped communicating with her for about 2 weeks. I knew that her ex was only in town temporarily and decided that she didn't really owe me anything so I texted her again about 2 wks ago and she was very receptive and responsive. We met up, had dinner, and talked it out. I made it clear that she didn't owe me anything because I was not her bf but she volunteered the information anyway. She said nothing happened with her ex-bf and she clearly seemed upset with him because he always comes back into her life expecting her to just drop everything for him and she said she didn't want to do that. She said they hung out once or twice and he left after a few days so she was just hoping I would contact her again and give things another shot. Fine. That's what I wanted to hear and I made it clear I wouldn't be a 2nd option for her and that this cannot happen again if she is expecting anything serious to come of our relationship. She agreed and all was great.

We hung out all Memorial day WKND when she wasn't working and we had amazing sex on my birthday (that friday). All seemed back in order. Then, next week, I didn't see her at all (and still haven't since Sunday night before Memorial Day). We talked on the phone a couple times but she said she had been working a lot all week and was tired and couldn't hang out. Fine. Life gets in the way and I understand not wanting to go out and be sociable after a long week. When we last spoke, she indicated that she still wanted to go to this baseball game with me on 6/12 and assured me she would try and get off work. I didn't hear from her after that day nor did I contact her for 2 days. This brings us to yesterday when I text her at 3 pm saying "hey stranger, wanna get together tonight?" She ignored this text completely and still hasn't responded.

It's just a feeling I am getting but she has not initiated any contact with me since the last night I actually saw her, and she seems to be in no hurry to do so. I am wondering if she is just playing games maybe as payback for me not contacting her (could she be that petty?) for two weeks and wants me to sweat a little bit or if she is truly SUDDENLY un-interested in hanging out. Could it be she was on her period (she gets really moody and lazy on her period)? Who knows, but the fact that I have tried to hang out with her 3 or 4 times since last seeing her and she has basically shot me down every time gives me pause about all this. I over-analyze things too so I could just be getting worried about nothing but for us to go over a week without any real contact is odd.

I understand that a lot of women are this way - they do not initiate plans or contact because they are traditionally the submissive sex and expect the man to do that. I get that. But she used to initiate plans/contact and now it seems I am doing the chasing and putting in all the effort. Women understand the concept of having the upper hand and I feel like she is gaining it right now, and I hate this game. She is younger so she is still at that Game playing age. Should I just stop contacting her again and wait and see? OR should I ignore the fact that she blew off my text last night and just call her tonight and try and move things forward? I feel like if I don't text or call her, I will never hear from her again.

Women, what are your thoughts on all this? sorry for the highly unorganized post, but I had to get all my thoughts down.

[DreamP346]

Text messages are weird. I will admit I have accidentally deleted them, didn't realize I opened it and so didn't realize there was a new text, or said I would answer later because I was in the car and just forgot to answer back. They are so unreliable. I would make a final effort, give her a call. If she still shoots you down, then just say, "if you want to hang out, call me." This way the ball is in her court and you don't have to keep chasing a person you are not sure wants to be chased.

Remember, life does happen and sometimes things do get really busy.

[I_Am_A_Man]

Text messages are weird. I will admit I have accidentally deleted them, didn't realize I opened it and so didn't realize there was a new text, or said I would answer later because I was in the car and just forgot to answer back. They are so unreliable. I would make a final effort, give her a call. If she still shoots you down, then just say, "if you want to hang out, call me." This way the ball is in her court and you don't have to keep chasing a person you are not sure wants to be chased.

Remember, life does happen and sometimes things do get really busy.

Thanks. That's part of why I don't put too much stock in Texting. I guess I will call her tonight or something. I don't want to come off as needy or clingy though.

[KMonte85]

IMO, I think you need to just take a step back and relax a little...

Looking at the timeline here, you spent all Memorial Day weekend together, so Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

It has been one week and two days (if you count today) since you've spent physical time together.

Within that week and two days you've spoken a few times, you've tried to get together with her 3 or 4 times, and at least one of those times she told you she's super busy with work and exhausted.

So now after one week and two days of not physically being in each other's presense (although you've been in contact several times), you're tossing around thoughts that she doesn't care for you, is on her period and moody/lazy, or is playing games.

Not to be harsh here, but JEEZ man - give this woman the benefit of the doubt will you? I find it a bit extreme that you jump to these negative conclusions about a woman you had an awesome time with just a smidge over a week ago (an entire WEEKEND even), is unable to get together with you during a a few days where she's explicitly said she's super tired and busy.

But you don't want to come off as needy? Maybe this is just my own pesonal opinion or prefernece (actually no maybe about it here), but this situation comes of as quite needy to me.

[I_Am_A_Man]

IMO, I think you need to just take a step back and relax a little...

Looking at the timeline here, you spent all Memorial Day weekend together, so Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

It has been one week and two days (if you count today) since you've spent physical time together.

Within that week and two days you've spoken a few times, you've tried to get together with her 3 or 4 times, and at least one of those times she told you she's super busy with work and exhausted.

So now after one week and two days of not physically being in each other's presense (although you've been in contact several times), you're tossing around thoughts that she doesn't care for you, is on her period and moody/lazy, or is playing games.

Not to be harsh here, but JEEZ man - give this woman the benefit of the doubt will you? I find it a bit extreme that you jump to these negative conclusions about a woman you had an awesome time with just a smidge over a week ago (an entire WEEKEND even), is unable to get together with you during a a few days where she's explicitly said she's super tired and busy.

But you don't want to come off as needy? Maybe this is just my own pesonal opinion or prefernece (actually no maybe about it here), but this situation comes of as quite needy to me.

yea I think you are right. It's just that she has been ignoring and suddenly stopped initiating the contact that gets me worried. I have always been a worrier. Thanks for the advice

[I_Am_A_Man]

Also, do you think I should just not contact her at all? Or just call her but strictly for the sake of chatting and not to make plans? Like I said, I don't want to be needy but I do want to talk to her. I went all Saturday and Sunday without texting/talking to her and Monday when I asked if she wanted to hang out, it was just that one text. I don't feel like I'm being pushy but that's why I post here - to see what others' interpretation might be.

[KMonte85]

To clarify (although I do disagree with your assumptions that her not calling means she's moody, indifferent, etc.) just because I think the amount of contact you're seeking is needy, does not mean it's wrong. We just have a difference of opinion and different needs from our relationships.

I know plenty of couples who have to call, text, and see each other multiple times a day. That's just what works for them, that's what fulfills their needs. I'm not that way, and and neither is my husband. We compliment each other in that way.

So what I'm saying is... if you want to contact her (which it seems you do), then by all means do so! If you don't want to, then don't. Do what you want to do, what will make you feel satisfied because that is what will make a good relationship in the long run. You can't find someone who satisfies your needs if you supress your feelings to appease theirs.

Either she will appreciate the amount you contact her, or she won't. Either way, you're being honest with who you are, and not putting on some facade which will only make both of you unhappy in the end. Be you. That's what's important.

[I_Am_A_Man]

To clarify (although I do disagree with your assumptions that her not calling means she's moody, indifferent, etc.) just because I think the amount of contact you're seeking is needy, does not mean it's wrong. We just have a difference of opinion and different needs from our relationships.

I know plenty of couples who have to call, text, and see each other multiple times a day. That's just what works for them, that's what fulfills their needs. I'm not that way, and and neither is my husband. We compliment each other in that way.

So what I'm saying is... if you want to contact her (which it seems you do), then by all means do so! If you don't want to, then don't. Do what you want to do, what will make you feel satisfied because that is what will make a good relationship in the long run. You can't find someone who satisfies your needs if you supress your feelings to appease theirs.

Either she will appreciate the amount you contact her, or she won't. Either way, you're being honest with who you are, and not putting on some facade which will only make both of you unhappy in the end. Be you. That's what's important.

I have not been in a serious relationship in about 5 years so I am a little out of touch. Do you think the amount of times I'm contacting her is needy or the fact that I keep trying to make plans to meet up is needy? or both? I'm trying to figure out if the very act of contacting her is annoying her or if she is just feeling pressured to come spend time with me. Ughh, I forgot about all these little nuances of a budding relationship!

I am used to have one or two month flings and not being serious about settling down. Now I feel like I'm ready for steadiness and I cannot figure it out! It's a **** puzzle

[KMonte85]

It doesn't matter what *I* think because I'm not you, and I'm not the gal you've been seeing.

To me, at this early stage in the relationship I would consider calling as much as you have and wanting to go out as much as you do (particularly if I explained how busy I was) too needy for my tastes. BUT that's just me, one person in this big world, who has a different need from my partners than you may. Lucky for you (and me), we're not dating. So what I think doesn't matter. Your friend may or may not have the same opinion as I do. Perhaps she likes the contact like you do.

If you're a person who needs regular contact quite often, that's just you're prefernece. Don't try to hide or suppress because you're looking to develop a relationship. Relationships happen naturally, by being who you are, and finding the person who loves you for exactly that reason.

[I_Am_A_Man]

You give good advice and I'm glad to see your take on it. I guess I'm trying to find that happy medium between being too needy and being too distant. I have been the needy one in the past, and while I have voiced my concerns here, on this board, I have not verbalized or even indicated to her that I am concerned at all. When she told me on Friday that she didn't wanna come out, I told her "that's cool. we can catch up later." When she ignores my text(s) I don't acknowledge that she ignored me, I just start a new conversation the next time. So while I may be coming off as needy, I don't know if she sees it that way...yet, lol.

Anyway, I'm gonna back off and not contact her at all until Thurs or Fri. I have no idea what she wants or expects, but maybe that will be sufficient.