[Chelsen]

This is my first post and I'm actually excited to have some understanding people here to help other than my friends/family. I really just want an opinion from someone whom I don't know and who doesn't know me or my bf. So here it goes; I am 24 and so is my bf. We have been in a committed relationship for almost 5 in a half years and have been living together for 4. Lately I have been comtemplating whether I should move on, stay, am too unrealistic with expectations or whatever. But all of our relationship I felt that I have put in more effort than he ever has and am on a completely different level. Ever since I turned 16 I have been working and going to school. When I turned 18 after graduation I moved out and learned responsibility early, living on my own or with roommates and have been completely independent for some time now. On the other hand, my bf moved out at the age of 20 from his parents and has been on their life line since then. He is very determined academically and has graduated college, onto graduate school for his PhD. Although, he has never had to work and his parents still support him financially 100%. He literally pays for nothing...As soon as he left his parents he moved in with me so he never had a chance to be on his own first. I don't know if I am being selfish, but I just want him to show me he loves me and appreciates me, but he doesn't. I have moved for him once and willing to do it again but am not sure. He really never does anything special for me at all, like surprises me to a nice dinner, massage, flowers, even a card, etc. The only thing he does do is clean when I ask since he only works now 2 days a week. I work full time and feel that he should do these things anyway to help out. Also, it is so upsetting that after 5 in a half years, we still aren't engaged. I know that sounds bad but it makes me feel that he takes me for granted and expects me to always be there and do all these things for him like drop everything I do to move for him again without any commitment. By the way, I work real estate and am in a great area for it but have to give it up here for him. He is also extremely lazy and never does anything besides sit on the computer and play video games (or cleans when I ask sometimes). All I ask of him is for a little more effort to make me feel like he loves me. He is moving Aug. 1st and I will be staying in our current town until the end of Nov. My question is, do you think it is worth it to stay with him or once he leaves should I move on? I know he will be financially successful after his PhD but that's not what I care about, I care about how he treats me.

[Element]

In 5 years have you two ever spoken about marriage, kids, the future? Has there been any hints if he even believes in marriage?

[Chelsen]

Yes, we have. And he is okay talking about kids and the future, just not marriage. He has told me he doesn't believe in marriage but then says eventually wants to be married to me although he doesn't like the idea of it.

[Element]

From that alone it sounds like reluctance on his part. He's "okay with kids" and has already told you he doesn't believe in marriage. I think the best solution is to just sit down with him and ask him about your guys' future. Tell him what you want from your life, where you want your life to lead and see if you two are on the same page.

You can't change someone to what you want them to be, so just being out right blunt and getting down to the nit and grit is easiest, in my own opinion. I think the only answers you'll honestly get are going to come from him. At least this way you'll know what you're going to get from him, or not get, and you can decide where to take your life from there.

[jns]

Chelsen, you have waited a long time for your bf to show you that he loves you. If he was to do something that showed he loves you tomorrow, how long would it be before he does another one? Guys generally don't change. Are you willing to put up with this behavior in the long run? Women are often disappointed in long term relationships where the guy gradually gets so he no longer does those little things showing he still loves her. You are starting at that point.