[sally_j]

Hi, new gal here. Not sure if this is the right section and not my real name for reasons that should become obvious.

I've been married to the same guy for over 10 years, and it was good in the beginning. Work and kids have got in the way and our sex life dropped to once a month if we were lucky. Now I'm having doubts as it's been about 5 months since we last managed.

I've only recently realised the dates line up. Our neighbour has gone through a nasty divorce and as a result the guy has moved away to the other end of the country. His wife is a fairly good friend and has to go find some work to make ends meet. Their daughter is a a piece of work, always been trouble and a bit of a **** from what I've heard. She would sit in the summer in the back door with next to nothing on, or just a robe. Occasionally I caught my husband looking out the window at her.

As she has just turned 15 my friend needs a babysitter in the evening when we works. He mother helps, what bothers me is we came to a deal where mu husband would tutor her, he is a teacher. Now since then I've made the connection sex has stopped. To add to my suspicion, he always has a shower then evening he returns, and I know it is probably my imagination, the one night the shower was out of hot water I could 'smell' another woman's sex on him.

Without ripping friendships and families apart, how can I put my mind at rest on the cheating?

[Little]

You could ask him, but he could lie.

You could spy on him, but you could miss it.

Basically, there's very little way to make sure he's cheating. What you do know is that you haven't had sex for five months and he's sniffing around a 15 year old girl (that's more than a little gross IMO, no matter what she wears or how many of her peers she's having sex with.) He doesn't have to be cheating for you to listen to your gut and take precautions.
You might want to ask that the teenager be tutored in your own home, under your nose as it were. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask an adult man to be "chaperoned" while with a teenaged girl he's not related to.
And do try to take back your sex life. Can you ask your neighbor to watch your kids one evening per week for a bit of a date night? Even if you are hurting for money, a night in with just adults, forcing your husband to spend time on you and you to spend time on your husband, could either fix whatever divide you're suffering or make it clear to you that he's up to no good.

It's a rough situation. Hope it all works out for the best.

[Hugo-B]

I've cheated before (no point in lying) and I would ALWAYS make sure I showered after. I warned my best friend who cheated on his GF to make sure he did the same, for the exact reason you say: women can SMELL it on you - women's perfume, the latex and lube on condoms, and the body odor and sweat of another women are so easily detectable by other women.

What also concerns me is the age of this girl, and that he is (quite possibly) cheating so close to home, AND that he's a teacher.

If I were you I would simply collar him as he walks in, confront him, rip his trousers down and examine his ****. If he's not a complete idiot he'll be using condoms, so you'll easily smell the latex on him, or worse - her - if he hasn't used any protection (horrible I know, sorry)

A bit ruthless and harsh but it should extinguish your doubts. I'd want to know if I were you.

[Hugo-B]

Also, what Little said, as a teacher (and I have worked as a teacher and with kids before) I would NOT let myself be alone with any 15 year old girl, especially a 'troubled' one, no way. If my advice above is a bit harsh then follow Littles and insist for his own good and reputation she be tutored in your house with you there.

[rcoreyus]

Was he the one who stopped sex, or did you?

I don't think you can know for sure. He might be cheating. He might be tutoring her and entertaining the fantasy that more is going on, maybe with some flirting going on. He may be cheating but with someone else. He may be completely innocent.