[Buttercup80]

My Fiance is always sounding negative when it comes to my degrees. He is a Masters in his field whereas I am a Doctorate in mine. Im applying for jobs but havent got any so far. I had 2 jobs which I quit to complete my degree before getting married so I had taken a break for 6 months. Now moving to foreign land and looking for jobs will take time but he is always saying that he is not impressed by my degree and thinks I am not capable of getting a job and that time would prove where I stand. Sometimes it hurts to know that ur companion has no regard /respect for who you are. He may be at a very decent position in his career now but to make derogatory remarks about ur wife's degree. How do I deal with this issue ? Please help.

I have told him politely and sometimes strongly and now this gets me worried if I am capable of getting a job or not !
Should I stop discussing this topic with him in future till I dont find myself a job ?
He has never helped me with any information on jobs I can apply to.. saying he doesnt understand my field because I am from academics.

Bottomline is it hurts when your companion for life behaves this way,love goes out of the window.

[ItsASecret]

What is your degree in? Is it actually going to be an issue finding a job because of the field of work or is it that you just got the degree and just started looking and no one has called back yet? Having spent that much time to get a Doctorate I would think he would be more supportive. I know if I went for my PhD I would certainly expect to be treated with respect for all that work into something I loved. Even a Master of Science degree I would expect my bf to be supportive. I guess all you can do is ask him to support you, that you need that love and that consideration and understanding that it means a lot to you and you know that finding a job is important.

[jns]

My Fiance is always sounding negative when it comes to my degrees. He is a Masters in his field whereas I am a Doctorate in mine. Im applying for jobs but havent got any so far. I had 2 jobs which I quit to complete my degree before getting married so I had taken a break for 6 months. Now moving to foreign land and looking for jobs will take time but he is always saying that he is not impressed by my degree and thinks I am not capable of getting a job and that time would prove where I stand. Sometimes it hurts to know that ur companion has no regard /respect for who you are. He may be at a very decent position in his career now but to make derogatory remarks about ur wife's degree. How do I deal with this issue ? Please help.

I have told him politely and sometimes strongly and now this gets me worried if I am capable of getting a job or not !
Should I stop discussing this topic with him in future till I dont find myself a job ?
He has never helped me with any information on jobs I can apply to.. saying he doesnt understand my field because I am from academics.

Bottomline is it hurts when your companion for life behaves this way,love goes out of the window.

He shouldn't be belittling your accomplishments. That sounds a bit controlling.

Please give us more information about what your degree is in as well as his. What countries are the degrees from and where are you trying to use them? Not all degrees are of the same usefulness in getting a job. Even with similar or the same degrees, the university or college that granted them may make a difference in hiring.

[acerousme]

"OOOO You have your Doctorates in blahhh...big deal!" .....uhm...YES ITS A BIG DEAL. Maybe didja think that maybe he's worried that you are smarter? Thats what it sounds like to me, dollface.

Use the good ol' sentence "I feel ______ because ____________". It is NOT fair of him to be saying those things to you. I asked my man, and he said the same thing.."Jerk move...is he jealous that she will make more money, and climb the scales faster than him?"

I would give him a stern talking to. You do NOT deserve to be belittled. You worked your butt off for your degrees, just like he did. And if he can't accept that then he needs a major reality check.


BIG HUGS (sounds like you may need one)!!!!

[Buttercup80]

He shouldn't be belittling your accomplishments. That sounds a bit controlling.

Please give us more information about what your degree is in as well as his. What countries are the degrees from and where are you trying to use them? Not all degrees are of the same usefulness in getting a job. Even with similar or the same degrees, the university or college that granted them may make a difference in hiring.

Hi Jns,
I am a PhD in linguistics from JNU, India which was ranked in the top 100 of the world.I have a 7 years of teaching experience in my field in various universities and have taught research scholars, post grads here. Now I am moving to London and looking for University jobs there but unfortunately have not received any positive reply to any job vacancies I applied for. Still waiting for visa to join my husband there.

[Buttercup80]

What is your degree in? Is it actually going to be an issue finding a job because of the field of work or is it that you just got the degree and just started looking and no one has called back yet? Having spent that much time to get a Doctorate I would think he would be more supportive. I know if I went for my PhD I would certainly expect to be treated with respect for all that work into something I loved. Even a Master of Science degree I would expect my bf to be supportive. I guess all you can do is ask him to support you, that you need that love and that consideration and understanding that it means a lot to you and you know that finding a job is important.

Yes absolutely the respect is missing indeed. I have tried to tell him about how I feel but he gives no reaction and this hurts.

[Buttercup80]

thanks acerouseme.... by now I feel its more important for me to get a job and move on. Time will prove him wrong. I dont want to keep fighting with him on these issues because he ends with even more rude comments which dont bother him but hurt me and spoil everything. I do respect his education but then so should he. thanks for the hug.. i really needed it :-)

"OOOO You have your Doctorates in blahhh...big deal!" .....uhm...YES ITS A BTIG DEAL. Maybe didja think that maybe he's worried that you are smarter? Thats what it sounds like to me, dollface.

Use the good ol' sentence "I feel ______ because ____________". It is NOT fair of him to be saying those things to you. I asked my man, and he said the same thing.."Jerk move...is he jealous that she will make more money, and climb the scales faster than him?"

I would give him a stern talking to. You do NOT deserve to be belittled. You worked your butt off for your degrees, just like he did. And if he can't accept that then he needs a major reality check.


BIG HUGS (sounds like you may need one)!!!!

[jns]

Hi Jns,
I am a PhD in linguistics from JNU, India which was ranked in the top 100 of the world.I have a 7 years of teaching experience in my field in various universities and have taught research scholars, post grads here. Now I am moving to London and looking for University jobs there but unfortunately have not received any positive reply to any job vacancies I applied for. Still waiting for visa to join my husband there.

Linguistics is a field I've always had admiration for, maybe because I took up Thai language as an adult (after taking up Spanish as my second language as an adult) and struggled for years to get a reasonable vocabulary in as well as learning to read and write a little. Your background is impressive to me (I looked up JNU, it has came a long way since being founded in 1969).

I looked up linguistics as a field of study and then looked up what professions someone who had a background in linguistics could go into. Academic teaching of linguistics was the one profession that was directly in line with what was learned. Other fields were teaching languages, translation, technical writing and many others.

Is your English pronunciation with a British accent, American accent, Australian accent, Indian accent or other accent? Can you use other accents other than your main one? It is possible the Universities in London want to hear you speak in person to determine if you will be able to be understood. If you think your accent is a possible problem, there are schools that can help in accent reduction.

With an accent that is not American or Canadian, I sometimes have trouble with the idioms used. Do you have a good background in British idioms? I'm sure with a British accent or a partial British accent, you will be able to find a good job when you are there. Have you thought of sending along an oral essay with your applications to give the reviewers a little bit more to go on?

[Buttercup80]

Linguistics is a field I've always had admiration for, maybe because I took up Thai language as an adult (after taking up Spanish as my second language as an adult) and struggled for years to get a reasonable vocabulary in as well as learning to read and write a little. Your background is impressive to me (I looked up JNU, it has came a long way since being founded in 1969).

I looked up linguistics as a field of study and then looked up what professions someone who had a background in linguistics could go into. Academic teaching of linguistics was the one profession that was directly in line with what was learned. Other fields were teaching languages, translation, technical writing and many others.

Is your English pronunciation with a British accent, American accent, Australian accent, Indian accent or other accent? Can you use other accents other than your main one? It is possible the Universities in London want to hear you speak in person to determine if you will be able to be understood. If you think your accent is a possible problem, there are schools that can help in accent reduction.

With an accent that is not American or Canadian, I sometimes have trouble with the idioms used. Do you have a good background in British idioms? I'm sure with a British accent or a partial British accent, you will be able to find a good job when you are there. Have you thought of sending along an oral essay with your applications to give the reviewers a little bit more to go on?

Thanks jns. Well I use an Indian accent and have been to london before to deliver a lecture in a workshop and present a paper,so we are very well understood by people in UK. I am well versed with the British accent and have never had a problem before. I have been applying for various uni. positions, firgured out that you need to be in the system to get these jobs so i am trying my luck and looking for a break. Usually when I apply, the uni. have an online application system so we have to go by what the form asks. The vacancies are for Linguists and other Eng. for academic purposes EAP courses which I have been teaching for quiet sometime now. I think it is sheer potluck to find a job initially. Once in the system with a UK experience one can think of shifting to a uni./college as per ones convinience and availability.

[jns]

Getting your foot in the door will take some skill and some luck. Good luck. Do you think your job search would be a lot easier if you were in London, or is the ability to submit applications online pretty much equivalent to submitting them in person.