I need some major advice!!
I recently graduated from college and transitioned in my career.
I dated my long time crush for 2 years in college and I honestly thought that the relationship would have made it to marriage. He was the best boyfriend I could have ever asked for! Towards the 2 year mark of our relationship (and my graduation), I noticed he got really comfortable and I would barely see him. What I mean by that is..he attended school, had a part-time job at a dept store and was a local club promoter so of course, worked late night at different clubs.
Although I understood his busy schedule, I kind of expected him to make time for me considering our history with one another. Like my mom always says, people seem to always find time for the things they WANT to do.
His definition of spending time became him coming to my house after work to spend the night and 75% of the time he would go directly to sleep.
I went the extra mile of suggesting that a relationship may not be what he needed at his prime, but he suggested otherwise. I had many concerns with him. He wasn't focused in school which prolonged him graduating and seemed to focus more on his club promoting. I tried to be very supportive and understanding, but the more I was understanding the more I was ran over. I became cold to our relationship.
Time passed and I was offered a job with a company in my career field. I gladly took the offer and had to go to another state to train for 2 weeks. My bf didn't seem interested that I was leaving and we rarely spoke my 2 weeks gone. At training, I met this guy and chemistry clicked almost immediately. It was crazy because I've never felt that way in my entire life. We all traveled to training for the 2 weeks and stayed in the company's apartments. It's ironic that our apartments were placed next to each other.
We would study for our training exams together and just talk for hours about anything. It was weird because people would often asked if we knew each other prior to arriving. The joke at the end of training was, we were most likely to be married. The chemistry was undeniable. However, I had a bf at the time and we lived in states too far to consider a relationship. I went back to my life and bf.
To my surprise, the 2 weeks away was a wake up call to my bf. He claimed that the time away really made him realize how much our relationship meant to him. He was back to the guy I'd known in the beginning, however I checked out mentally.
I had been treated so well by someone I'd only known for that short period of time at training. That in itself, allowed me to see that I deserved so much better. We broke up and the more time that passed, the more I thought about the guy from training. We began to talk over the phone and eventually discussed dating. I don't know if it had been heavy on his heart but he called one day and admitted to having a newborn. I honestly thought my Mr. Right was Mr. Wrong at that point. I couldn't believe that I was so naive. I fell so hard for someone who wasn't completely honest with me from day one as I was with him. I was so hurt.
But despite my pain, I continued to pursue a relationship going based on that amazing feeling I'd never had before. 8 months later. He has been great, BUT the distance is becoming to be an concern for me and he has constant issues with his child's mother which has led to child support and custody battles. RED FLAGS!
I want to continue a relationship with him but the reality of it all is, we won't be able to move to a mutual location any time soon because he wants to stay in the same city with his child which is understandable but I don't want to move to New York. Should I compromise?
I'm tired of having to compromise my wants to make others happy. I am young (25 yrs old, no kids, no major obligations) and want to experience much more. He wants to get married, but somehow no matter how much I try, a piece of me won't allow myself to give him 100%. Something won't let me and it appears in the form of my dreams. I dream of my ex, at least one a week. I can't let go of my "what ifs." I conjure up the courage to call my ex and see how he was doing maybe get some closure.
To my surprise, he's enrolled in school full-time and soon to graduate, he quit the club promoting job and found the Lord.
After we broke up, he explained that he went through a lot of downs and was forced to get his priorities together. He wanted to know if we could give "us" another chance. He also explained that he was thankful of my concerns which pushed him to get himself together.
I'm torn completely. I have a perfect guy who wants to commit, but has major baggage that I'm not sure I can accept then there's the lost guy who is trying to find himself but has made himself open to making "us" work. I have prayed and prayed for answers and stumbled across this website.
Please lend some helpful advice. I'm open for any feedback. Good or bad. Thanks
I recently graduated from college and transitioned in my career.
I dated my long time crush for 2 years in college and I honestly thought that the relationship would have made it to marriage. He was the best boyfriend I could have ever asked for! Towards the 2 year mark of our relationship (and my graduation), I noticed he got really comfortable and I would barely see him. What I mean by that is..he attended school, had a part-time job at a dept store and was a local club promoter so of course, worked late night at different clubs.
Although I understood his busy schedule, I kind of expected him to make time for me considering our history with one another. Like my mom always says, people seem to always find time for the things they WANT to do.
His definition of spending time became him coming to my house after work to spend the night and 75% of the time he would go directly to sleep.
I went the extra mile of suggesting that a relationship may not be what he needed at his prime, but he suggested otherwise. I had many concerns with him. He wasn't focused in school which prolonged him graduating and seemed to focus more on his club promoting. I tried to be very supportive and understanding, but the more I was understanding the more I was ran over. I became cold to our relationship.
Time passed and I was offered a job with a company in my career field. I gladly took the offer and had to go to another state to train for 2 weeks. My bf didn't seem interested that I was leaving and we rarely spoke my 2 weeks gone. At training, I met this guy and chemistry clicked almost immediately. It was crazy because I've never felt that way in my entire life. We all traveled to training for the 2 weeks and stayed in the company's apartments. It's ironic that our apartments were placed next to each other.
We would study for our training exams together and just talk for hours about anything. It was weird because people would often asked if we knew each other prior to arriving. The joke at the end of training was, we were most likely to be married. The chemistry was undeniable. However, I had a bf at the time and we lived in states too far to consider a relationship. I went back to my life and bf.
To my surprise, the 2 weeks away was a wake up call to my bf. He claimed that the time away really made him realize how much our relationship meant to him. He was back to the guy I'd known in the beginning, however I checked out mentally.
I had been treated so well by someone I'd only known for that short period of time at training. That in itself, allowed me to see that I deserved so much better. We broke up and the more time that passed, the more I thought about the guy from training. We began to talk over the phone and eventually discussed dating. I don't know if it had been heavy on his heart but he called one day and admitted to having a newborn. I honestly thought my Mr. Right was Mr. Wrong at that point. I couldn't believe that I was so naive. I fell so hard for someone who wasn't completely honest with me from day one as I was with him. I was so hurt.
But despite my pain, I continued to pursue a relationship going based on that amazing feeling I'd never had before. 8 months later. He has been great, BUT the distance is becoming to be an concern for me and he has constant issues with his child's mother which has led to child support and custody battles. RED FLAGS!
I want to continue a relationship with him but the reality of it all is, we won't be able to move to a mutual location any time soon because he wants to stay in the same city with his child which is understandable but I don't want to move to New York. Should I compromise?
I'm tired of having to compromise my wants to make others happy. I am young (25 yrs old, no kids, no major obligations) and want to experience much more. He wants to get married, but somehow no matter how much I try, a piece of me won't allow myself to give him 100%. Something won't let me and it appears in the form of my dreams. I dream of my ex, at least one a week. I can't let go of my "what ifs." I conjure up the courage to call my ex and see how he was doing maybe get some closure.
To my surprise, he's enrolled in school full-time and soon to graduate, he quit the club promoting job and found the Lord.
After we broke up, he explained that he went through a lot of downs and was forced to get his priorities together. He wanted to know if we could give "us" another chance. He also explained that he was thankful of my concerns which pushed him to get himself together.
I'm torn completely. I have a perfect guy who wants to commit, but has major baggage that I'm not sure I can accept then there's the lost guy who is trying to find himself but has made himself open to making "us" work. I have prayed and prayed for answers and stumbled across this website.
Please lend some helpful advice. I'm open for any feedback. Good or bad. Thanks
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