[Nam]

Hi all, this is my first post here.....
i am a 30+ woman from asia, divorced recently after a traumatic marriage of 6 yrs.....now work at a store, since my seperation. well during the few months of working here i have met a person who used to flirt quite in a friendly mannner, connected on facebook, got chatting, exchanged numbers and almost have been in regular touch since....this is waht happened, at a time tht i needed to speak to someone i felt very comfy talking to him n i confided the truth abt my life and some experiences in my former marriage to him . he seemed quite a listner he also confided things to me abt himself tht he says he'd never reveal to anyone....well i have also realised tht he he much much younger than me (by 10 yrs) i feel guilty sometimes just having said all i have to him, maybe i am pressurising him to listen to me.......all he has to do is ask if he senses my mood off and i'd go blad di blah! i have never felt to comfy talking to anyone incl my family, so i appreciate this a company a lot....
now the problem is he does call me to keep in touch and enquire abt things generally , which i also do because i do care for him, i do feel protective abt him, but i cant seem to figure out if he is getting his share out of this strange relstionship. we have made it clear to each other tht nothing more can be expected out of this frndship. i am happy by the way things are going, i feel happy to share my life with someone and hear him out too, but i cant seem to figure out how he sees it, sometimes ,quite often now days, he seems more lazy than interested to respond to calls or msgs, i feel ignored then but pacify myself by asking if it is a justified reason why he might be doing so. he has regularly msgd saying he loves me, and misses me....and once said tht i am a source of counsel . but hasnt revealed much abt his family or life to me.
i just want some help in trying to understand how to get him to say how he feels abt our frndship, if he feels obligated or remaining frnds out of respect for me.....he doesnt open up easily...bit of a carefree quiet type....
am i just acting hysterical or need i wait it out and enjoy the fun bits and explore some more.....over time.....any suggestions are welcome........:-)
....

[DreamP346]

Based on what you are saying, it sounds like he wants a romantic relationship but you are only giving him friendship. If that is the case, then eventually he will move on. You can't really blame him. It is difficult to open yourself up to somebody so much for a friendship and do the same with another person in a romantic relationship at the same time. One of those relationships will eventually have to give. When he finds somebody else or even starts looking, he will not have the time and energy to devote so much time to you.

Tell us what you want from this relationship. Just the friendship or romance?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Nam, I think you want to have a semi-relationship with him, "What am I getting into" coupled with your last paragraph but you won't due to his age.

I think if you only really talk about being down, to someone and then ask how they are, it can be quite draining. He is alot younger than you, alot and so is living in a different world than you.. He sees you as a Councel, obviously also finds you attractive and I can't think of one 20+ year old boy that secretly would not like to be intimate with an older woman, experience?

People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. It is great that you have had someone to talk to about all the things that disturbed you about your 6 year marriage. Do you feel that it time to move on from that negativity?

Time to enjoy all people's company for what ever reason they have to offer to you and progress to the next step of your life?

That's the exciting bit, waiting to happen for you.

CW

[jns]

Nam, many guys find Asian women fascinating because they look at life different than the guys do. As long as you are pleasant while telling of your life, I'm sure he doesn't feel as if he is being pressured into listening.

He may not be being truly lazy about not responding a lot because a lot of guys do that. It seems to be more a case of the guys not putting it at a priority. Some other guys may respond quicker.

Another thing is that family may not be as important to him as it is to you. My travels to Southeast Asia and being married to a Thai Lady has given me insight into that. That insight has been reinforced by Thai, Cambodian, Lao, Vietnamese, Filipino and Chinese friends. Family is very important in many parts of Asia, but it is less important here in the USA for the most part.

[Nam]

Thanks all! i appreciate the perspectives. it just abt summarises whats in my mind too. i was vulnerable needed to talk, he was/ is a good guy , he listened almost had a crush on him till i realised hes too young for me and i shud know better, he supported me still does, god bless him for tht, it renewed a faith in myself tht i am capable of loving and being loved, am steering the frndship to a platonic level...now i know i shud move on and treasure the friendship and find 'love' else where!!!
and i too believe tht people come into your life at different times for different reasons, some to heal you, some to teach you lessons abt yourself, some might stay a while some fewer still forever. i shud stop wanting to keep every 'spl' person in my life, for ever

[Nam]

and down here the culture is a bit different too,i dont have much avenues to meet many people cause i'm not the 'outgoing' types. its just work and home,...so abt waiting for the right person i'll have to wait a bit........thanks once again.
i would however like some inputs to help me keep from giving wrong signals to him......right now its keeping in touch via sms asking abt the day work and making plans to meet up someday! thats it....tho the msgs i send r more in num than wht i recieve....:-D

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You know Nam, alot of people have been through some form of abuse in a relationship I suggest you start a new thread about your past, so we can move on into the future, together, as a team, with our members. What do you have to lose? You may like it here and realise you have "new friends"....

Yes, not everyone if not alot stay in our lives for ever but there is a reason, those that do were meant to and you can weed out the true friends from those that were/are just aquaintances.

and down here the culture is a bit different too,i dont have much avenues to meet many people cause i'm not the 'outgoing' types. its just work and home,...so abt waiting for the right person i'll have to wait a bit........thanks once again.


Of course you are going to latch on to anyone that treats you right, after all you've been through alot. It's also not about waiting for the right person, it's about knowing you are a person and what you want, in life.. Who you are, what you will and will not settle for and then allowing that person to enter your life, not taking second best the next time around.


You are wise enough to know where that stops though and what you learnt from it, that you are worth it

i would however like some inputs to help me keep from giving wrong signals to him......right now its keeping in touch via sms asking abt the day work and making plans to meet up someday! thats it....tho the msgs i send r more in num than wht i recieve....:-D

Well, you are sending out false hope instead of joking around, being a friend, sometimes telling of your whos. He knows this and I don't know if he is listening and being a friend, or in hope of your mixed signals Be a friend, change it.... His job is done. You know know your worth, someone has shown you