[DreamP346]

I have always wanted to be a foster parent. When I was a kid, I dreamed that I would open my own orphanage and give homes to lots and lots of children who didn't have a home or anybody to love them (I read Little Women and was inspired by it). Of course, I grew up and realized life didn't quite work that way. But I also came to realize that there was a thing called fostering that even offered some money (be it very little) to offset the cost of raising a child. I always thought once I was a little older and more financially stable, I could do this. I even had mentioned this to my husband before we got married.

Over the years I have tried to remind my husband about this. He always seems to have some excuse or another not to do it, but says he is interested. However, he recently told me he doesn't want to do it any more because he feels he could never love another child as much as our own.

This is something that is very important to me. I wanted to work in the non-for-profit human services industry. Instead I ended up in corporate America doing something that I find does nothing really productive. So doing something as fostering would be a really great way to make an impact on the world without completely giving up my current lifestyle. How do I convince my husband to do this. Its not like fighting over the type of furniture. We are talking about a child's life, but I think it will be well worth all the effort. I just don't know how to make him be a little unselfish and be willing to take a risk.

[Hugo-B]

Why don't you both do some voluntary child work on a Sunday or when you have a day off together? This would give you both the opportunity to spend time together whilst working for a good cause and to do a 'trial run', giving you a feel of what it would be like.

Most importantly, have you spoken to your children about this, how will they cope with strange children in their home?

Good luck with everything, caring for vulnerable children is a very commendable thing to do.

[Little]

Seems to me like he has the wrong idea about foster care ... who says you have to love these children as much as your biological children? It's not like you are adopting them. Seems like he is throwing out fake excuses because the idea of having a foster child in his home is out of his comfort zone or he "just doesn't wanna." It doesn't sound like you're going to be able to talk him into it.

How about finding an alternative to bringing the child into your home (and requiring your husband's consent?) Is there something like a Big Brothers & Sisters program in your area? Or a home for troubled teens? Someplace you could go and volunteer a few afternoons a week or on weekends and still be making a difference. This could be someplace to start - a way to show your husband that you're serious, too.

[rcoreyus]

I wish I had more time to respond to this since my wife and I took in a foster child at one time. A few things:

In many places the foster program is badly flawed. The child we were given should never have been taken out of her home -we did everything we could for her, but she belonged back with her parents, and we felt like part of a horrible system that had destroyed a family for no good reason, and there was nothing we could do to fix it.

Raising a foster child along with your own could be very difficult. The potential for conflict between the foster child and your "real" child is very high. (yes, of course you will try not to let this be a problem but despite your best efforts it could be).

I'm not saying no, but your husband may be very wise in worrying about this. For us it was a complete disaster.