[shweedart]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now and I'm not sure that I want to be with him anymore. I love him dearly and cannot bare to hurt him but I just feel... Numb. I don't feel much of anything anymore. We rarely have sex and even when we do it's dull and unfulfilling (this isn't through lack of instruction either). We don't socialise, he keeps himself and his friends separate from me and mine. Essentially all we do is see each-other of an evening, go to sleep, go to work.
We're 21, don't live together and this is our first long term relationship.

I think I already know the answer. I suppose the hardest part of breaking up is the fear of regret?

[Euphoric]

Your last sentence is a dead give away. You do know the answer, but I think maybe you just want your feelings validated. Ask yourself if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life? Feeling numb and rarely having social interaction is not a fun way to spend your life. You're young, and life has a lot to offer if you are willing to live it. You are 21 and have been in this relationship for 5 years, so it doesn't sound like you have really experienced what someone else may have to offer you, nor what you have to offer. Don't settle for less than you deserve.

[JonDoe]

I've been married to the same woman longer then you have been alive and my relationship feels very similar. Ask yourself whether you are both genuinely trying to keep the relationship alive or merely trying to prevent it from dying. Trust me, you don't want to be in my shoes in your late 40s looking in the rear view mirror asking "how/why did I waste the best years of my life?"

How long has your relationship been in this rut? Have you had similar lulls in the relationship in the past?

Think about the things that originally attracted you to your boyfriend and what created that spark during the first year together. Do these things still interest you? Sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your boyfriend before you make any final decision.

Your happiness is extremely important. Life is hard enough. Never stay in a relationship simply because you don't want to hurt the other person, but don't immediately leave a long term relationship without trying just because it is boring.

[Alynna]

This is the negative part of the "too long term relationships"....it's always like this...at the begining you enjoy eah other and every minute spent together, then your feelings grow and you start to expect more from your bf, but as always they are not ready so you start to give it more time, hopping it will work out and trying to convince yourself that moving in or marring him is not smth important and the next phase of these kind of too long term relationships is your phase....when you do not know anymore if it is love what you feel, if you still want to guy in your life...i know how it is..im in a kinda similar situation, the difference is that you are so young still, you are just 21!!!!!! I cannot say that i am old, only 26 but you know in the 20s people change so quickly....after 23-24 i started to want more than just a long term relationship. So girl, try to figure out if this is what you want and try to have a talk with him, though i know how difficult is it to talk to guys about future and feelings....do not spend your time on a relationship that does not make you happy...

My best wishes to you...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

We don't socialise, he keeps himself and his friends separate from me and mine. Essentially all we do is see each-other of an evening, go to sleep, go to work.

Essentially all we do is see each-other of an evening, go to sleep, go to work.

Which constitutes a very boring relationship as well as a non-united relationship, more like friends...

Relationships are about unity... It's easy to see why you are not happy.

Unless you two go out on dates, introduce each others friends have dinner parties, bbq's start to be one... You are going to be done.

[lavi]

Are you seeing each other daily.? If yes, take some break like 15 days or a month..go out with your friends & family.Then u will know what to do next.

[shweedart]

We've had a talk, i've told him how I feel and he's happy for me to take some time to think things over. He didn't realise there was a problem! He practically begged me to let him try harder (tears and all) and give us another chance. I'm under no illusion that things last forever but if I can give up so easily then nothing ever will. We're young and still learning. Hopefully things get better

thanks guys

[nadiaM]

Maybe you're not sure about your feelings for him at the moment. What about have a little break with him for a while? It will help you figure out what you really feel and it will give you more strength to break up with him if you have do so...
Maybe his feelings for you also diminished a lot...
You're just 21, don't be scared of regrets