[Lilahboo]

My ex & I dated for almost three years. It was great, we were happy, in love, perfect. About three months ago he asked to talk to me & he told me that he wanted to break up. So we did. I was destroyed. I still am destroyed. He told me he needed to grow, be on his own, learn about himself. He told me he loved me, but he wanted to cut all communication to each other. So we did. He moved on it seems, while I am still sitting here in my room crying and hurting. I'm so sad, sad to a whole other level. I hate myself, although I know I did nothing wrong, I can't stand the sight of myself. I can't stand the pain when I am home alone. I started cutting, it helps. I've lost my appetite. I hardly eat. I've lost 20 lbs since we've broke up. I know this isn't healthy, I recognize it but I cannot get myself over this ****ed hill it seems. My brain and my heart refuse to work on the same page. I know this is all wrong but my feelings do not change. He texted me today, 'Let's hangout, get some dinner.' I couldn't because I have late classes. So I went over to his place after class. He opened the door and smiled at me. We hung out for a bit and he still called me 'Love.' He treated me as if I were still his but he kept his distance. He noticed my sadness and apologized for being the cause of it. He hugged me, told me he loved me and that he hadn't forgotten a thing. 'I just need time, I'm sorry for hurting you.'

I just don't know what to do anymore. I am sick of feeling this way, I want to stop this pain but I literally can't. Today's event hasn't left my mind. It hurts even more, I don't understand. Someone, please clarify this to me. What is wrong here? Why do I hurt the way I do? How do I fix it? I'm lost, I need help. I feel I am going insane. I seriously wounded. Please, someone help me.

[lavi]

5 yrs ago, my that time BF left me & I was devastated. I used to think all the time abt him & our time together. Was not able to concentrate on work.
He left me, but he still wanted to be in touch.Wanted to be my friend.We met once or twice after that.He was going on with his life, but I was stuck.He used to tell me that he love me bt..That SOB,even after seeing my condition,didnt want to be with me. Just wanted to be friends.

But I refused.I decided that if he left me,gave me so much pain then, I DONT DESERVE HIM..I DESERVE SOMEONE FAR BETTER..who would love me & wont give me pain.

I cut off all the contacts with him.No calls,no texts,no mails,nothing.He kept on calling me, mailing me..but I never replied.I burried myself in work, started going out, made new friends..& really I started forgetting him.

That time only I met LOVE of my life (now my husband).

I know this period is very difficult for you, but I think you should stop any sort of contact with him. Tell yourself that HE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU..
Go out meet new friends, start your life afresh.

Think about yourself, your future.YOU DESERVE THE BEST. No such person can wound you or hurt you.
TIME is the medicine..It will take some time but everything will be solved.

Also,if you cut the contacts with him, may be then he will realise your value in his life..you should give him & yourself some time & you will get the solution.

All the best!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You know, I imagine you being quite young and therefore, 3 years together still makes you both young.

It is possible, that he has pressures, such as his mates are single or he being a "boy" feels that he'd like to explore what is out there as being tied down 3 years means 4,5,6,7 etc.

What is sad, is a "man" can not own up and tell of the reason. You are already hurting, you won't hurt more if it was for either of those reasons, perhaps you would even understand.. to a degree.

I have this thought " If you love someone, let them go, if they come back to you they are yours if they don't they never were"...

I totally agree with Lavi, do not go over his house. He can not have his cake and eat it to. He can not walk without giving you closure and then miss you so needs to see your face, even though the face that is presented to him is sad...

You are not a door mat, you are a beautiful girl inside and out or else he wouldn't have been with you for three years.

Can you imagine meeting someone even more awesome? No, I know you can't but just try, visualise it, flowers, hugs all the time because, just beautiful love.. Can you then imagine his face when you do? Kicking himself in the *** cause he lost you?

Can you imagine his sadness when you refuse to meet up any more, and agree with his initial request of no contact. Doesn't that feel good to make him feel sad for once instead of him doing it to you?

Toughen up sunshine, the world is your oyster, he is one man amongst a million out there, no one is worth cutting over, no one... Smile in the knowing that he has lost, he is the loser, what ever he is about to do or is doing, he has lost a beautiful soul for doing so... Yet, she like a butterfly is about the spread her wings and realise her self worth.....................

[Lilahboo]

Thank you for your kind words. You are right. I am NOT a doormat & I will not be there just because he wants me too. I need to move on and imagine that person that you described to me.

[Lilahboo]

You are right, someone who really loves you does not hurt you like this. And upon seeing your pain and hurt still refuses to help you. I will cut all contact with him. I will not talk to him anymore until that answer comes to us. Thank you for your advice. This is what I needed. Help, I did not know what to do but now I feel stronger. I am better than what I have become.
Thank you so much. [:

[Euphoric]

NOBODY is worth hurting yourself over. People will come and go in your life. The ones who truly matter will stand beside of you to share both the good times and bad. Some people have crappy parents, siblings, etc. The people who you encounter that display negative characteristics or treat you in a manner that is less than you deserve - learn from them. Learn about the person you want to become, because you don't want to be like them. Rise above allowing people to treat you disrespectfully. You matter and one day hopefully you will be able to use your past experience to help another person in a similar situation. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE stop cutting yourself. Although you feel like it helps you deal with the pain now, if you continue to do so, one day the scars will only serve as a reminder of the source of your nemesis. He doesn't deserve to have that power over you now, nor in the future. We here at WH care for you.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I need to move on and imagine that person that you described to me.

All you have to do, is do it, every day without fail, as you fall asleep, visualise this other person and watch yourself starting to smile after a week or so, knowing he's out there and who you are, your worth