[RedHot]

Hi there....

im fully depressed and drowned in confusion as to wat to do
i am an introvert and innocent by nature, dont understand things so easily, so i feel that to be a reason for me being misused...

i am a 22 years old gal who is in love for about 3 years with a married man who is almost double my age....
he has been married for more that 20 years now, and i believe they form a happy family with one son. Knowingly or unknowingly we r in love with each other now and we r sexually active for the past one year.
Coming to the divorce point, we both somehow dont want to take that step as it may spoil our reputation. he loves me so much sometimes, but also scolds me to hell sometimes.... he doesnot like himself to be questioned or asked anything abt his family life..... he tells he no longer shares bed with his wife, but still they stay together...

at my home, its another big problem as my dad and my brother somehow smells about this relationship.. they keep scolding me all through the day using all possible bad words on me..... i dont have a mother....
with this disturbance, i am not able to concentrate on my work and not able to do anything.. i feel dejected and lost...

am i being misused or wat? i am not in a position to decide wats wrong and right for me...

Pls help.... the question of my life
still i cant live without him.......................................

hope someone there will help me to come out of this mess////

[Little]

You are being misused. There are a million posts on this forum about this very subject; you'd be surprised about how textbook it all is.
Your father and brother aren't being too harsh; you're not listening to them! If a man doesn't divorce his wife immediately, he's not going to do it.
You can live without him, so get to it. Leave him. Since you aren't really with him, it won't be as hard as you think.

[alibaby]

You are being used.

RedHot,

He is using you. When he married, he made a vow to his wife to "be faithful, forsaking all others..." and for whatever reason, he felt compelled to go outside of his marriage and you just happened to be a naive and willing victim that he latched onto. You say he doesn't share a bed with his wife? You really don't know what he does when he's with his wife. And the divorce is his step to take, not yours. You are young...don't waste your time on someone who will never be completely yours. Please, look at the 'big picture' and think about your future...you deserve more than to be someones mistress. If you don't take yourself out of this situation, your misery can only get worst.

[kaylar]

How Miss Cleo must have started......

I think this is how Miss Cleo got her start.
Everyone who has been on this Message Board
knows exactly what comes next.

We can all pretend it is because we have this
crystal ball and we look into it, and, yes,
it's coming clearer...
clearer....

Here's a girl, not experienced, not too bright,
and a married man looking for something on the
side.

He knows his lines, I think they are Xeroxed
and passed out in gym class...

1) find female

2) be attentive...(wife has trained him how to
be 'nice' and notice things, and be thoughtful)

3) tell female you 'love her'

4) slam her until you're tired

5) keep going year to year...mention divorce
and give reasons why you can't get one now

6) claim wife and is no longer sleeping in bed
and or living in house, and that you have
'separate lives.'

7) when wife is about to find out and or threatens
divorce and or you find another female
tell this one that;

a) you're going to try again to make your marriage work
b) you have to go away for awhile
c) you can't see her as often because wife is getting
suspicious
d) whatever works

8) Move on

9) If female annoys you;

a) insult and abuse her
b) claim she is stalking you
c) get wife and children to deal with her

10) Use her annoyance of you as proof that;

a) she ran you down
b) she forced herself on you
c) she's mentally imbalanced

Redhot, you are the 'other woman', that is a convenience.
When you are no longer convenient you will be discarded.

Considering three years, one assumes the guy is getting
tired of you now, so expect to be dumped around Christmas.

[JubesInquest]

Kaylar mentioned xeroxing some papers....

As it's been mentioned, there are about a million topics and responses to this age-old subject. I'm thoroughly warn out reading about it...

Kaylar,
dude doesn't have to wait until Christmas to give her the boot.... from the way she describes the situation, he's probably got about 3 more girls he's using just the same--outside of the wife.

Redhot, let all this be a lesson in life: Never mess with a married man. You are far too young to be bother with a man old enough to be your daddy with kids that are probably as old, or older, than you.

Get out and meet new people, get a new hobby, develop some new interests so that you don't get tangled up with someone who has done this in their life already!

[kaylar]

Jubes, try being my secretary for a week...

"Didn't we just hear this story?"

I believe that every single woman who gets involved with a
married man knows **** well what she's doing and what she
is doing is wrong.

And they try to justify it, claiming the guy 'loves' them and
that his marriage is 'over', knowing, someplace deep inside,
that they are telling themselves lies, but if they repeat it
long enough they'll believe it.

Now Redhot 'can't live without him', yah.
Some months ago there was another poster who was much
older who was so sure this guy loved her and that all of us
were so wrong about him.

And then we got to read the wonderfulness of how hard she
was dumped, and how the child he had loved so much was now
being denied....yada yada you heard it all before.

One of the remarkable things about this phenom is that every
single woman involved with a married man thinks her situation
is different.

Just for philosophical sport, the reason I say Christmas is that
if a guy doesn't dump his gal before the summer starts, he
usually waits until December, because it so much more
'poignant', (read painful) to do it then.

He'll enjoy his Christmas with his family so much more knowing
his gal is sitting home crying her guts out. It makes him feel
soooooo important.

[JubesInquest]

Checking the Archives

Jubes, try being my secretary for a week...

"Didn't we just hear this story?"

I believe that every single woman who gets involved with a
married man knows **** well what she's doing and what she
is doing is wrong.

And they try to justify it, claiming the guy 'loves' them and
that his marriage is 'over', knowing, someplace deep inside,
that they are telling themselves lies, but if they repeat it
long enough they'll believe it.

Now Redhot 'can't live without him', yah.
Some months ago there was another poster who was much
older who was so sure this guy loved her and that all of us
were so wrong about him.

And then we got to read the wonderfulness of how hard she
was dumped, and how the child he had loved so much was now
being denied....yada yada you heard it all before.

One of the remarkable things about this phenom is that every
single woman involved with a married man thinks her situation
is different.

Just for philosophical sport, the reason I say Christmas is that
if a guy doesn't dump his gal before the summer starts, he
usually waits until December, because it so much more
'poignant', (read painful) to do it then.

He'll enjoy his Christmas with his family so much more knowing
his gal is sitting home crying her guts out. It makes him feel
soooooo important.

I totally agree, Kaylar, I totally agree.

We have a saying that goes: "The game is the same; ONLY the players have changed."

Perhaps we can get a few of these topic-posters to dig up the archives and read the pages over and over until they get it.

[alibaby]

I think this is how Miss Cleo got her start.
Everyone who has been on this Message Board
knows exactly what comes next.

We can all pretend it is because we have this
crystal ball and we look into it, and, yes,
it's coming clearer...
clearer....

LOL!!! That's my laugh of the day!

[kaylar]

The phenom that each these 'I'm in Love with
a Married Man!' posters believes her situation
is DIFFERENT.

Drug users, esp. cocaine, always start with the
belief..."Not Me! I won't get addicted!"

Being an 'other woman' requires a certain kind
of mentality.

One must be certain of their inferiority.

This goes beyond the puerile, "Am I prettier than Ann?"
but to the virtual duel to the death, that if the Other
Woman can take a Husband to her bed, she 'wins'.

Of course, when the husband refuses to divorce his
wife, leaves her, abuses her, etc. she is back to
square one and has to find another husband.

The Other Woman knows she can never have a man
for herself.

[JubesInquest]

The phenom that each these 'I'm in Love with
a Married Man!' posters believes her situation
is DIFFERENT.

Drug users, esp. cocaine, always start with the
belief..."Not Me! I won't get addicted!"

Being an 'other woman' requires a certain kind
of mentality.

One must be certain of their inferiority.

This goes beyond the puerile, "Am I prettier than Ann?"
but to the virtual duel to the death, that if the Other
Woman can take a Husband to her bed, she 'wins'.

Of course, when the husband refuses to divorce his
wife, leaves her, abuses her, etc. she is back to
square one and has to find another husband.

The Other Woman knows she can never have a man
for herself.

It's a sad state to be in.
I've never figured out why they want something/somebody that belongs to someone else?

Sounds like they're willing to take the crumbs that fall from someone else's table rather than buying a whole loaf of bread of their own.