[patricias213]

I need some advice here, i dont know if i am over reacting or if i am the one that needs to loosen up a bit.
I find that i tend to take what people say to heart and it bothers me more than it should. I know i gave advice to people and tell them to ignore things but to be honest i so need to try and take my own advice but its just too hard. My husband is best at ignoring what people say but i need to know how can i do this. Sometimes people make remarks to me and say things that upsets me and i just take it and after that happens and i think about it , im like i should have this and i should have said that and i feel since i dont say anything right away that give people more opportunity to do the same thing again. Do i make sense here?

[JubesInquest]

I need some advice here, i dont know if i am over reacting or if i am the one that needs to loosen up a bit.
I find that i tend to take what people say to heart and it bothers me more than it should. I know i gave advice to people and tell them to ignore things but to be honest i so need to try and take my own advice but its just too hard. My husband is best at ignoring what people say but i need to know how can i do this. Sometimes people make remarks to me and say things that upsets me and i just take it and after that happens and i think about it , im like i should have this and i should have said that and i feel since i dont say anything right away that give people more opportunity to do the same thing again. Do i make sense here?

You make sense!

Patricias, some people are just that way... and some have to learn to be that way.
I'm one of those people who learned not to care what others thought or said about me; I learned that from my mother.

Somethings you can learn from; other things you don't need and you also don't need to take it to heart.

I don't know if I was watching something on tv or if it was on the radio, but I do remember hearing this person say that the best people or person to tell us about a lot of things we do wrong without really paying attention to what we've been doing, is our family/ spouse.
They see you everyday and know you rather well, so just ask your hubby does he think you over-react.

Ask yourself these questions, Patricias, the next time someone says something that you feel you probably should ignore:

1) Is this person my spouse, my mother or father?

2) Does this person pay my bills?

4) Should I give a d*mn about what they say about me?

5) Are they raising my kids?

6) Do they sign my paycheck?

7) Do they have my best interest at heart?

If your answer is "NO" to these questions, then you know you should ignore them.

[patricias213]

You are so right. I spoke to hubby about this, i actually go to him first on almost everything and he basically said what you said. He agrees that i should ignore them like he does. Mostly when family makes those remark i get upset becuase you would expect much better from them. My answer to those questions are NO, so yes i guess i should try to ignore them and stop letting it get to me! Thanks alot!

[JubesInquest]

Glad I could help, Patricias!
You don't need to worry about unnecessary things anyway.

How's the baby?

[patricias213]

Glad I could help, Patricias!
You don't need to worry about unnecessary things anyway.

How's the baby?

The baby is good,shes moving alot. This week i turn 8months! Im getting nervous and excited at the same time.

[kaylar]

my mother always said; "Take it From whom it Comes."
And a gambler I know said; "when a man gives you a tip on a horse,
look at the quality of his shoes."

There are three things I do;

I stop talking, (if I was talking), give a blank look and
just walk away.

I pretend I don't hear them.

Or, if I'm in one of my 'caring' moods, as opposed to my
usual, I'll call them on it.

"Exactly what is wrong with this?"

[JubesInquest]

The baby is good,shes moving alot. This week i turn 8months! Im getting nervous and excited at the same time.

LMBO * "look at the quality of his shoes". That's a good one!

Patricias,
it's a girl??? WOW! That sure is nice! A baby girl... well, keep up the positive attitude, let go of the worry and get ready for this new, precious arrival!

[patricias213]

Thanks alot to both of you.
JubesInquest, yes its a girl! Her name's gunna be Victoria Hailey, ya like?


OK when i posted this post i was upset and i want to tell you all what exactly happened, it may not seem like much of a big deal but im still going to try to explain this.
My hubbys cousin came over with his wife and kids for the evening.
My mother is throwing my a babyshower all by herself, shes the only one i have here thats close to me, my other close relatives lives in the caribbean. Anyways, the wife of my hubbys cousin was asking me why my babyshower is only for women and that hers was not like that. I told her thats the traditional(old fashion) way, i understand that now a days both men and women are invited but she was saying this like it is wrong to just have women. Ok so then she starts telling my husband and i how it should be, why was she telling us this? We are not the ones throwing the shower. My mother works full time, barely have enough time for herself so i helped her mailed the invitations, just that and only that, i have no clue what shes doing on the day for the babyshower or how it will be. So this lady now(the wife) she is telling hubby and i, the real traditional way is for it to be like this and that not this way and that way, you would think since she knows so much she would be the one having it for me right? No, no one offered to help my mom throw this shower but yet they come to me and hubby making these remarks, why didnt she go to my mom with "her" ideas? As much as it may seem like its not a big deal, i felt offended, she made me feel like my mother doesnt know what shes doing and yet she have no clue of how its gunna be. And why did she come to us? to make us feel bad?
My husband knew i didnt like what she had to say becuase i got quiet when she was saying those things, to her it probably made her feel like shes so right when i got quiet when really i was upset of the way she was talking. Im sure she will find a fault when she attends it on Sunday, i know this becuase for my wedding she sat quietly looking at everything, a few weeks later a few people came to me and told me things she said about my wedding, none of which was good. My husband told me to ignore her and i know it is the best thing to do its just hard when you know its a relative talking like this..
Another thing whenever they come over, the only thing she would want to know is, if im getting stretch marks, never asked how was i feeling, then she wanted to know if im gunna be a stay at home mom, things like that, never how is the baby coming along is she healthy or not, nothing like that. So these are the kind of remarks that just upsets me.....

[JubesInquest]

Thanks alot to both of you.
JubesInquest, yes its a girl! Her name's gunna be Victoria Hailey, ya like?


OK when i posted this post i was upset and i want to tell you all what exactly happened, it may not seem like much of a big deal but im still going to try to explain this.
My hubbys cousin came over with his wife and kids for the evening.
My mother is throwing my a babyshower all by herself, shes the only one i have here thats close to me, my other close relatives lives in the caribbean. Anyways, the wife of my hubbys cousin was asking me why my babyshower is only for women and that hers was not like that. I told her thats the traditional(old fashion) way, i understand that now a days both men and women are invited but she was saying this like it is wrong to just have women. Ok so then she starts telling my husband and i how it should be, why was she telling us this? We are not the ones throwing the shower. My mother works full time, barely have enough time for herself so i helped her mailed the invitations, just that and only that, i have no clue what shes doing on the day for the babyshower or how it will be. So this lady now(the wife) she is telling hubby and i, the real traditional way is for it to be like this and that not this way and that way, you would think since she knows so much she would be the one having it for me right? No, no one offered to help my mom throw this shower but yet they come to me and hubby making these remarks, why didnt she go to my mom with "her" ideas? As much as it may seem like its not a big deal, i felt offended, she made me feel like my mother doesnt know what shes doing and yet she have no clue of how its gunna be. And why did she come to us? to make us feel bad?
My husband knew i didnt like what she had to say becuase i got quiet when she was saying those things, to her it probably made her feel like shes so right when i got quiet when really i was upset of the way she was talking. Im sure she will find a fault when she attends it on Sunday, i know this becuase for my wedding she sat quietly looking at everything, a few weeks later a few people came to me and told me things she said about my wedding, none of which was good. My husband told me to ignore her and i know it is the best thing to do its just hard when you know its a relative talking like this..
Another thing whenever they come over, the only thing she would want to know is, if im getting stretch marks, never asked how was i feeling, then she wanted to know if im gunna be a stay at home mom, things like that, never how is the baby coming along is she healthy or not, nothing like that. So these are the kind of remarks that just upsets me.....

Yeah, Patricias: Victoria Hailey, as in "all Hail Victoria" LOL! That's cool!


As for your hubby's cousin's wife, your hubby and his cousin need to talk. I see your hubby knows you well in that as you were "quiet" while MotorMouth-of-the-South was talking, she felt she was "right" (how inflated her ego must be) but truly your blood was boiling (much the way I do when I get P.O.'d).

It sounds to me like she is jealous of you. She totally criticizes anything you do, or have done for you. If she really wanted to help, why doesn't she seek out your mom and ask her if she needs any help with your baby shower?

Another thing: I've only known baby showers to have only the ladies there anyway. When I had mine, it was that way--so were the ones I went to! And if anybody wanted to help, they were more than welcome!

She was jealous of your wedding--criticizing you behind your back not speaking directly to you---COWARD!! And now she only wants to know if you have stretch marks???? Shoot, I'd reply with a nice, "Wouldn't YOU like to know?" Or say, "The baby's doing just fine. Thank you for asking!" LOL!!

You didn't tell her if you had stretch marks or not, did you?
I'd like to let her imagination just wander about that; since she's so eager to know!!

But really, in this matter, let your husband talk to his cousin about his wife. If you don't think this will do much to change the situation, just limit your contact with her (does the cousin give you any trouble, or is it just his wife?) Nothing wrong with you talking directly to her, but I can see she is a hell-raiser and there's no point in you going to her because she'll turn it around on you and then say your hormones are making you pick at her.

Let your husband and his cousin have the discussion so that the stress isn't on you. You definitely don't need it.

[patricias213]

Yeah, Patricias: Victoria Hailey, as in "all Hail Victoria" LOL! That's cool!


As for your hubby's cousin's wife, your hubby and his cousin need to talk. I see your hubby knows you well in that as you were "quiet" while MotorMouth-of-the-South was talking, she felt she was "right" (how inflated her ego must be) but truly your blood was boiling (much the way I do when I get P.O.'d).

It sounds to me like she is jealous of you. She totally criticizes anything you do, or have done for you. If she really wanted to help, why doesn't she seek out your mom and ask her if she needs any help with your baby shower?

Another thing: I've only known baby showers to have only the ladies there anyway. When I had mine, it was that way--so were the ones I went to! And if anybody wanted to help, they were more than welcome!

She was jealous of your wedding--criticizing you behind your back not speaking directly to you---COWARD!! And now she only wants to know if you have stretch marks???? Shoot, I'd reply with a nice, "Wouldn't YOU like to know?" Or say, "The baby's doing just fine. Thank you for asking!" LOL!!

You didn't tell her if you had stretch marks or not, did you?
I'd like to let her imagination just wander about that; since she's so eager to know!!

But really, in this matter, let your husband talk to his cousin about his wife. If you don't think this will do much to change the situation, just limit your contact with her (does the cousin give you any trouble, or is it just his wife?) Nothing wrong with you talking directly to her, but I can see she is a hell-raiser and there's no point in you going to her because she'll turn it around on you and then say your hormones are making you pick at her.

Let your husband and his cousin have the discussion so that the stress isn't on you. You definitely don't need it.

Thanks.
I think i am the one who should stand up to her put her in her place next time she talks like this. Her hubby he was just sitting there watching tv while she was talking but im sure he heard. Ive heard that she "controls" him so it might not be a good idea to for my hubby to tell him. If i dont stand up to her she will continue to be this way. You are right i dont need any of this in my life from anyone!