[ablaze]

Well he said he is filling and he wanted to meet.
I don't want to meet him, I asked why and he said don't want to discuss over online but in person?

I'm well and I am better when and if I don't see him, I see him as dead for long and makes me better.
If he fell out of love then OK but if he wanted to see me and say to my face it's over what's the point.

I want to just move on and I know I did a lot of things wrong, did a lot of bad things, I cannot undo it, because it's done already.
But everything that happened to him, he said it was all my fault.
I'm trying to be as nice and I want to say sorry but he won't take my apology, and said he wanted to kill me if I look at him wrong and so he is basically saying to me that it's over, the nerve of the cheater but I have to move on.

I just want to move on, and deal and be depressed I was for a while living in my own little world, thinking who cares if I die alone, I think I'm too ugly to date so be it, I don't have friends, relationship because I'm the most hideous person on the planet and no one wants to be my friend, for a while the thought of dying is in my mind and I care less, people die all the time.
What's the point anyway I failed at everything. No one wants to hire me, I'm too inexperienced for them just a garbage person so be it.
Just want to move on...
But I just can't, on some days i have very weird dreams to remind me of my ex, and it frustrates me. I feel and thought I am using him for the failed dreams I wasn't able to achieve but if I reach my dreams then I'm happy but I'm still frustrated and it's probably just an unreachable fantasy anyway.
My mind says You can save the marriage.

[jns]

Don't let him win. There is surely someone out there for you.

You said you are inexperienced at working. How old are you?

[ablaze]

Don't let him win. There is surely someone out there for you.

You said you are inexperienced at working. How old are you?

thank you, I doubt that everyday
26

[lilisor_an]

Boy,you obviously don't love yourself and that's a problem.sorry if my english is bad;i'm from roumania.there's no tragedy if a man chooses to leave you.you don't need a guy to succed in life.you just have to learn to love and accept yourself just the way you are and than everyone will fall in love with you,trust me.if you don't love yourself,you won't be able to love anybody.

[jns]

ablaze: at 26 you probably have had a job or two. Hang in there and keep trying. Sooner or later you will get hired. Try even jobs that pay minimum wage. They will add to your resume as being serious about working. If you can't find something that way, volunteer. If you are a hard worker, someone will notice and give you a try-out at a paying job. That also adds to your resume. Once you have a job, keep on working to get a better one. Just don't change companies too often.

I have seen a lot of couples and there is not absolutes in who attracts who or if someone has to be attractive to find a SO. Also, I'll bet you are a lot more attractive than you think you are.

[ablaze]

thanks, I wish to move to somewhere in Ca but not sure if that's a good place to find entry level jobs.

[jns]

Right now California has unemployment at a higher level than the national average. That being said, a go getter will be able to find a job in the cities, just not the one that they expected or maybe at the rate expected. Minimum wage for full time employment is $8 per hour.

If you are willing to move, a place like North Dakota is great for employment. I looked up the statistics for Bismark and the unemployment rate was 2.4%. That is basically just those moving between jobs. Be warned, it gets very cold in the winter there. Oil and natural gas are booming there. Everything else picks up from fast food joints to office workers to etc. All of the new workers coming in spend money that lifts every sector of the economy.

[ablaze]

I looked into it, not feasible.