[freeradical]

This post has some content that might be inappropriate for younger readers. If you're under the age of 18, please don't read this.

Let's call these two people Jack and Jill.

Here's a little back story.

I had these two mutual best friends, Jack and Jill. Jill fancied Jack, but Jill was married. Jack had been single and celibate for almost 15 years, by choice. He was very picky. Jack was a very attractive and personable man. He and I used to be into each other way back when we first met, but nothing ever happened out of what we mistook back then for our love and respect for Jill. I have now come to realize that nothing happened between us because we were afraid of how Jill would retaliate against us; because that was the kind of person she was. Jill was a very controlling, cruel, immature, selfish and volatile bully. I'm sure if Jack and I had really truly liked each other rather than just being physically attracted to one another, that we might have pursued something...but we really only desired one another sexually and that was it, nothing worth losing our best friend over. In hindsight, I feel like perhaps Jack and I merely tolerated Jill.

I ended up meeting my twin flame and got married. Jill says she settled for the guy she married since Jack was the one she really fancied. But honestly, she treated Jack very cruelly. She only ever took advantage of his kindness.

Jack's birthday was in September. Jill callously gave him a rubber vagina as a birthday present. Jack and I were both deeply offended by this. Jill seemed to think that giving Jack such a gift was so funny. She couldn't stop laughing. I felt so bad for Jack when Jill did that. I saw the look on his face. It was like a slap in the face. Clearly, Jill harbors a lot of bitterness towards Jack for not taking an interest in her. Mine and Jill's husbands were both deeply offended by this. My husband has not had one nice thing to say about Jill since then. And then Jill went around bragging to everyone about this whole entire thing. Jack and Jill started fighting and I was stuck in the middle. They both cut each other off. I told Jill that I still wanted to be friends with Jack and she said that was fine. I was very specific and asked, "I just want to make sure that you don't mind if I still speak with Jack? Do you mind?" She said that she didn't mind. So, Jack and I kept chatting and met up once for lunch. I found that the dynamic between Jack and I had completely changed in a very positive way without Jill around. I told Jill that I was still speaking with Jack. She completely turned on me. She started screaming at me and calling me an abandoner, betrayer, deserter, traitor and accused me of treason! Really!? Treason!? Then she screamed at me that Jack never liked me and just put up with me since I was always around her...which is so far from the truth since I've only actually seen them four times this past year. She screamed that he always said nasty things about me behind me back. Then she called Jack and went off on him. I contacted Jack and asked him if any of what Jill said was true and he never responded. We all had to cut each other off. I am no longer speaking with either of them.

Does anyone else find Jill giving Jack a rubber vagina for his birthday offensive? Especially since her motivation was to poke fun at Jack's celibacy?

I initially made this same exact post (copied it and pasted it) on another coed friendship forum, but received replies from men stating that Jill having given Jack a rubber vagina for his birthday was not offense and that I was offensive for having a friend like Jill. I found that downright insensitive and insulting, so I decided to register on a women's only forum.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Each person is unique, different and their idea of "funny" may be totally different to someone else's thoughts.. In this instance, she found it amusing but no one else did. She has a sense of humor? Did she really do it in spite? Her humor is out there, where normal "close friends" should find it amusing as well, it's a joke, much like giving a vibrator to a virgin of mature age..

Sure, it's embarrasing to the said person but then, do they have a sense of humor? The way you have described it all, everyone knew Jack was still a virgin.

Just the same, we have a right to choose our friends. In my opinion, only if Jack did someting terrible to my close "friend" would I cut all contact. Otherwise, I own myself, my friend does not own me, I have respect and loyalty but only in the right circumstances and my friend should not expect anything more, otherwise, they are not truly a friend, or do not know me.

I also think no offense you may be a little sensitive? You know rumors, one person says something out of spite, you enquire, the other person won't deny or confirm...

I think true friends know each other, therefore, know who would say what and who wouldn't... Although we might know someone for a long time, it takes a long time to actually know someone.

It sounds almost like a fight over who wins Jack.. In this case, now no-one.

I think anyone who speaks to you the way Jill did, and who runs around telling everyone outside of Jack's friendship of what she purchased for him, would not be someone I would want to call a friend in any event.

I am not sure though that you should have cut Jack off...just for not speaking...

That's my opinion.

[freeradical]

I just want to clarify this. Jack was not and is not a virgin. He just had not had sex in a very long time because he was waiting to meet a woman that he wanted a relationship with. He rejected Jills advances over many years. She was very upset and bitter about that.

And yes, everyone involved had an amazing sense of humor. But this was not done to be "funny". Jill did this out of cruelty and malice, plain and simple.

And there was another reason why I had to cut off Jack that had nothing to do with Jill. He disrespected my marriage by coming on to me once neither us were speaking to Jill anymore. He referred to Jill as "The Warden" and "The Fun Police" and said that he had never made a move before because "The Warden" and "The Fun Police" was always around. It really upset me that after 13 years of friendship with Jack that it ended because he tried to grab my behind and snog me. It really ****ed my husband off. I just can't believe that Jack disrespected me, my husband and our marriage like that. I trusted him. And I stopped talking to him for that reason more than because he wouldn't tell me whether something he said / she said was true.

I felt like after 13 years of friendship that I really had no idea whom Jack and Jill really were.

[freeradical]

And just so that you guys know, Jack came onto me before I asked him if what Jill had said about him talking behind my back was true. I only asked that question of him after he came onto me, because of some of the things that Jill had said. Him coming onto me had leant a little more credibility to what Jill had said.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I used to be into each other way back when we first met, but nothing ever happened out of what we mistook back then for our love and respect for Jill. I have now come to realize that nothing happened between us because we were afraid of how Jill would retaliate against us;

I'm sure if Jack and I had really truly liked each other rather than just being physically attracted to one another, that we might have pursued something...but we really only desired one another sexually and that was it,

So I gather, Jill knew you two had slept together way back and that there was a huge chemistry between you two? If so, the fact that he never slept with her, and according to you, she married for the wrong reasons, is why her bitterness is there and the joke be had, with the gift.

Sorry I read that wrong regarding virgin, still I was aware it had been a long time, between drinks and hense her gift.

I'd say personally she was saying to him that he may prefer that given he never had sex with her. I'd still find it amusing. Jealousy is a curse remember.

I wouldn't feel insulted at all.

You have to remember as well. Long friendship, but were lovers. A man can slip even if he respects you but trying to snog well that's disrespectful, perhaps he thought that as you went for him and not Jill, he got mixed messages.. That would be what I would think...

But out of respect for your husband, I would cut him off too. Irrespective, or else I would have had a chat with him and made things very, very, clear and then advised my husband of same...

[freeradical]

Jack and I never slept together. We were attracted to each other when we initially met in 1999, but never acted on it. I wasn't one to sleep with someone unless I was in a committed relationship with them. I liked taking the time to get to know someone before having sex with them. I liked to be courted, romanced and wooed. My husband and I got to know each other before we had sex, even though we're soulmates and it was love at first sight for the both of us. My husband and I have been together for over 10 years now and I'm devoted to him.

Jack and I did have amazing chemistry, yet it was merely as friends...or so I always thought. I thought that he and I got along very well, even though we were complete opposites. I was always very comfortable with him. We always made each other laugh. I was very loyal to him as a friend and always had his back. That was all there was too it. Although, that was enough to make Jill act out even more. The last time I was with Jack and Jill together...Jack thanked me for being such a good and empathetic friend and always being so loyal and laughing it his stupid jokes. I got the sense like he meant it but that he was also trying to hurt Jill. Jill was just simmering with rage and looked like she was about to explode. He must have known how sensitive Jill was and how much his having said that would have hurt her. Jill was very delicate and very insecure.

Still, Jack's behavior is now very questionable. Jill told me that he stole thousands of dollars from her to cover fees and fines for criminal court and that she's in debt because of him. She said that he was a wolf in sheep's clothing and had no conscience. I had no idea that he had even been in trouble. I looked it up online at the local court website and sure enough he had been in trouble. I've not personally ever been in any trouble. I've never even had a moving violation or a parking ticket, but I can't image why Jack would have kept his criminal background a secret unless he had something to hide.

My husband hates seeing me upset. The thing that hurts me the most is the broken trust. And he really hates Jack and Jill. His hatred of Jack and Jill makes it difficult for him to be empathetic towards me, which seems kind of ***-backwards.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

This is one twisted tale

Into each other, Chemistry, noting happened (maybe cause I am an Aussie), I took as (relationship).

In any event. It honestly sounds as if, you never knew Jack or Jill and both kept things from you. You didn't know of his past, until she told you which means whenever that was, she had kept it from you first.

If he owes her money and won't pay up and saved his neck.. Then her "joke" was out of spite in anger of being used. Best thing she could think of in retaliation was embarrasement.

So again, I have no sympathy and don't find it offensive.

I think honestly you should just leave it all in the back of your mind and get on with life, they are two people who have different sides to them, hide things and aren't / wore not deep friends to you.

It's good that you have a great husband that you love and loves you back... I'd just focus on that and forget these people or whether it was or wasn't offensive as they aren't worth your worry or time thinking about.