[Charlie3371]

Ok, So i need a little friendly advice. I know what the right thing to is, but my feelings are so mixed up that i dont how to forget it... So im going to start from the begining;
about 4 years ago- i got together with a guy from work - he was gorgeous, I was so obsessed with this guy- we spoke for a year before that, flirting harmlessly and i told myself that i wanted him. and i was going to have him... after a year of flirting he finaly asked if he could come by my place, obviously i said of course! and things got hot and heavy from there. Then he tells me he has a girlfriend and that they live together... but things arent going well.. soo i said alright well i will wait for you to figure out your stuff.. anyways, time goes by and it never came up again- we were never in a relationship- it was physical... until i started to realize he wasnt commiting to me so why should i stay home and wait around... so i started to go out with my girlfreinds and just have fun- he started showing up at bars, begging me to let him take me home-but not for him to stay with me.. but just so i wouldnt be out. I never gave in, 9 months into this non relationship i got fed up so i told him its all or nothing.. he said hell think about everything, he started to be more affectionate, but then when he would feel as if he was getting to close he would push me away, thats when i said to myself this is stupid, i have to move on, im young and i dont have to deal with it. But i was readt to settle down.. so once again i told him exacly what i wanted and he said its because of the age difference that he couldnt be with me. which i was Very mature for my age, he just never gave me the chance... Around that time i started talking to my husband, who worked at the same company he, even until this day has NO idea of the relationship i had with the other guy because he HATES him.. but he knows we had a strong freindship... so when they see eachother in public they are decent to eachother . So now ive been with my husband for 3 years about and married for almost 2 years. we have had a hard marriage. one thing after another. Health problems, ive had many miscarriages and thingys just got discouraging and now i am all fixed and we are trying to get back the spark we used to have.. and then suddenly out of nowhere my ex non-boyfreind decides to find where i work and called me.. saying how he was an idiot and regrets what he did and that he misses me and so on and so on... I lisened to what he had to say... ccause the way we ended things was horrible and took me a long time to forget him i figured this would be my closure and it would be over... Now i havent stopped thinking about him- and ts right in the time where im trying to make things more interesting in my marriage... my husband is the most caring person ever, he treats me like a queen and i have no complaints about him...but im bored.. my life would be hell if i were to leave my husband and go with the other guy, i havent even considered that an option.. i just want to know how to STOP thinking about him! i already told him that we cant talk anymore.. so the contact is gone. now i just need to get rid of the thoughts... i feel SO GUILTY! its like im cheating on my husband in my head.. and its so wrong!

[rcoreyus]

I think the key is to try to make your life with your husband better. Why are you bored?

Also, keep in mind that you might have bee just as bored with this other guy.

[KMonte85]

you've been through a lot in your marriage, it is only natural that your mind might wander into what was once fun and easy.

Try not to beat yourself up about it too much, you've already recognized that is NOT a path you want to go down, and you're making the right steps to correct it by telling him you will not longer talk to him and try to get rid of the thoughts you have about him.

My best advice to you is to get busy... whatever that means to you. Every time you think about him, do something else - whether that "something else" is thinking about something you and your husband can do to reignite the spark, or organizing that junk drawer or messy closet in the house, focusing harder on your task at work - whatever.

Eventually, the thoughts will fade. It's just raw now because his random contact (and his inappropriate outpouring towards you) took you by surprise. But it will go away... and you'll be all the stronger for it!

[Pollon]

I applaud you on your maturity. You set some boundaries for yourself when you were dating this guy and now you have done so again. Emotions come and go. Your ex stirred them up again. Fortunately, they will fade. There is no need to feel guilty for having thoughts. It's acting inappropriately on them that is wrong. You've done nothing wrong.

Good luck

[Euphoric]

It's easy for things to become complacenet in our lives. Marriage is work. I think most people think about the what-ifs at some point in there marriage. But, there is a reason things didn't work out between you two. Because of time and distance, you have forgotten how he made you feel (second fiddle, non-commited, physical only, and possessive when you started living and going out with your friend rather than sitting at home pining for him). You had a physical relationship with this guy, so I think it's only natural that seeing and/or talking to him stirred some unsettled emotions. The fact remains that he wasn't willing to take the chance when he could have, and now you are off limits so to speak. It's a cat and mouse game. When you were available and giving yourself to him, he didn't want to commit. Now, because you aren't available, he is seeking you out (and hopefully not to see if he still has that power over you). All marriages goes through rough patches, but that's not a reason to toss in the towel, especially when you speak so highly of your husband (treats you like a queen and is so caring). Going through traumatizing times (miscarriages and things) are taxing on a relationship. Heck, I almost took my life after having several miscarriages because I was severly depressed and questioned why???? There is no answer. But now, I have two healthy boys who keep me on my toes. I look back on the past, and still have no answers, but I'm thankful I persevered.