[megan102]

I have been here plenty of times and I usually show up when I have no one else to talk to and I just need to vent. If you read my previous post you know my relationship has had its ups and downs and well, it's back down again. In my previous posts i have posted that our sex life is crap. We have been together 4 years and live together and after about 1.5 years things started declining...only have sex a couple times a week, to a couple times a month, to now just once every 3 or 4 months. Sometimes it will pick back up for a week or two but it always disappears. I have spoken up plenty and he always tells me I never go out of my way to turn him on...which of course butchered my feelings because use to i never HAD to go out of my way at all. I could be wearing sweatpants and a giant t shirt and it was just fine. But I guess I have realized that spark is gone and you do have to go out of your way for your partner sometimes...but he doesn't realize (and I've told him) he must also try to turn ME on. I am ****ed at the lack of intimacy. I don't really have a sex drive I guess...it's more that I just feel rejected (which he has outright rejected me before, but told me not to take it personally sometimes you just aren't in the mood). I do not have suspiscions (can't spell) of cheating but I suppose that is always possible. It's been this way for years now and for a few months i'll give up and stop caring but I always start caring again. I have built up a lot of resentment towards him. I just feel he doesn't find me physically attractive anymore but of course he will never admit that (i've asked). He usually blames it on me..in fact earlier he told me if I gave him oral he'd be more than happy..I don't mind oral sex but he very very very rarely returns the favor so I have definitely cut back. I guess our sexual chemistry just doesn't match up and it's a huge block in the road as far as the relationship goes. I've been in my fair share of crappy relationships (however there was always sex) so I am happy that i have found a great guy who treats me well but you can't well atleast i cant have a relationship without sex..he's been talking about rings and such and I just cant figure out why he would even want to take the marriage step unless he is just NOT interested in sex at all (he's only 28). Just doesn't make sense to me. Oh and I guess porn could be an issue but I don't think (and i've checked) that he is using porn in excessive amounts..i'm sure in 3-4 mths without sex he has but just not excessively that I'm aware of so i do not think that's the issue. I know ive posted the same situation before and there are other posts out there..i guess this is more venting then anything because at this point the only advice there probably is..is to leave.

[Pollon]

Same old, same old for most men is not an aphrodisiac. Guys are energized by things that are new/different/varied. In the area of porn, for example, looking at the same set of pictures just won't hold a guy's interest.

"he always tells me I never go out of my way to turn him on."

It sounds like your man has gotten bored--not necessarily with you, but with doing it the same way in the same place at the same time. He may also be bored with other areas of his life--work, the house, etc.

What are you two planning for the future? Married, travel, family, purchases? All of these things can add the element of newness that will liven him up.

Good luck

[megan102]

Yes i understand it can get boring after a while..i get that..its not that way just for men either i think its a human thing anyways we talk marriage but i do NOT want to enter a marriage until this is sorted out. Four years just seems awfully soon to be having this issue..i mean if it's this way after 4 (and it really has been since 2 years) than what would be it be like at 10..20...50... marriage is (suppose to be anyways) forever so i would assume if you are bored now why choose to be bored forever. I can see the boring though we are pretty tight on money so our vacations have been slim..i'm up for trying a new location/new lingerie/new positions anything new i'm willing to try but even those things will not be "new" for long eventually they will get boring too.. i mean you can't do something new everytime you want to get laid, sometimes it should be okay just to do it at home in bed. this is the longest relationship i have been in so just curious at what point does sex usually begin to decline?

[Pollon]

When sex declines is different for everyone.

One of the reasons people can get bored with sex is desensitization due to overexposure. Is he into porn? Not that I'm suggesting this approach, but a Muslim man who lives in a religious community that follows the modesty codes can get turned on by the sight of a woman's hair or wrist or ankle.

You guys could do an experiment and abstain from sexually charged entertainment (and even sex) for a period of time, then see how he responds.