[knowledge]

My boyfriend and I are young (him 19, me 20 next month), in college, and are in a somewhat serious relationship-today marks 11 months. Our relationship has always been dramatic and out of control, our arguments screaming to the top of our longs, cursing each other out, some physical.. but he has always been a nice guy. He shows me off, he's faithful, he supports me, he has my back, he always make sure im ok and that i have what i need, he's loyal, faithful, and i really do believe that he has my best interest at heart, but this is where the dilemma comes in.............he's a little psycho. Just last night we got into the biggest argument ever. It was about 3 am and we were in bed and i was trying to sleep and he was trying to have an entire convo about what we could do to better our relationship...for some reason he didnt understand why i had a standoffish attitude towards him while he was trying to talk..i was sleeping, i dont see what kinda response he expected. He got out of bed and just said "im unhappy with this ****"...he had been complaining the entire week about not getting enough time with me, this was after a week of COLLEGE FINALS (im a chemistry/pre-pharm major so you can only imagine my stress and business during finals week) and he just didnt understand that-that was the reason we didnt spend much time that week, so that was what he was referring to when he said the quote above. Anyways, we woke up started talking, and he was being loud and childish in the way he was speaking to me, so i walked out the room and went to the living room...he followed, of course, and we began to talk there...he got so upset because he felt my attitude was nonchalant when i was literally just sitting there trying to listen to him, but i guess he expects me to be as dramatic and over emotional as him, and this is where im misunderstood a lot. He started yelling at me and cursing at me, so i asked him to just leave, because from what i described earlier, you all know how our arguments are, and i saw where it was heading so i asked him to leave. He has hit me after we were arguing while he was drunk before,by the way, so this is another reason i wanted him to leave because he was getting angry and i didnt want to deal with that. He wouldnt leave after i asked him multiple times, and he even shouted right in my face then tackled me on the bed when i tried to get him to leave, and told me if i make him leave he would kill himself. He goes into the kitchen and i hear him rumbling through knives, so i go to the kitchen to make sure he really isnt trying to kill himself...(he has threatened suicide plenty of times before while arguing), when i reach the kitchen, he runs out with a butcher knife, runs to my room, and locks the door so i could not get in...(now i realize this is all just a scare, manipulating tactic). He tells me all the time that im his world and that he has no reason for living if he cant have me, isnt this obsessive like behavior? He comes out and i bust out in tears because that scared the **** out of me that he would really try to hurt me or himself, then he consoles me because im guessing it hurt him to see me crying and scared of him. I cant deal with this, there was no reason for him to act that way, and he blames me saying i make him that way. I will not let him blame me for that because that isnt normal and i truly believe he may be psychotic and need some help. He insists on staying together, every time i try to break up with him, and i have MANY times, he always insists on doing better, working in out, saying we have so much potential and just basically tries his best to convince me, and i always stay, but now i really dont know what to do. Besides these extra, overly dramatic, violent, and dangerous episodes he has, he is the perfect guy and i dont want to later regret breaking up with him...he has tried to make it seem like i'll never find anyone like him (like i said, he is a good guy), and that always makes me doubt my decision. His behavior is a deal breaker i have no clue which way to go with this. Do i need to forget the good in him and see his behavior as a warning sign to run? Should we take a break to allow him to get the help he may need so that he can better himself? Sorry, i know this is lengthy but i needed to be as detailed as possible so i could get more accurate advice. thanks

[Italian08]

Hey my ex was very violent to and did the same thing and says the same thing ur bf does bow but my ex's was worse so I had to leave the best thing for u to do.is tell him tht he needs help and if he wants to be with thts the only way for u to stay with him cuz believe mme it only gonna get worse but u have to reinsure him ur going to be by his side through the hole process

[BabyGirl]

He is and has been Verbally, Emotionally and Physically Abusive to you. It's time this stops !!
For your Safety and Sanity and his.
You need to sit down with him , in a Public Place and explain to him that he needs to get some help for his Moods and his Violent and Suicidal Tendencies.

I say a public place, so there are others around you, not necessarily anyone you know, but people that if he gets out of hand, that can help you or get help for you

Tell him that it's time you two took a Break from the Poisonous Situation. That he needs to go see a Psychologist, he may be Bi~Polar or have Schizophrenia. That you will support his getting help from a Professional. But you will not live with him or spend any time alone or be Sexually active with him . Until he is under Treatment.

You also need to tell a Family member or close friend about his Threats of Suicide. You are in College, both of you ? If so there is free Counseling to talk with a Professional about this issue .

but he has always been a nice guy. He shows me off, he's faithful, he supports me, he has my back, he always make sure im ok and that i have what i need, he's loyal, faithful, and i really do believe that he has my best interest at heart

Since when is Yelling and Screaming , name calling, getting in your face and Hitting you when he's drunk and Threatening to commit Suicide . Being a Nice Guy and having your best interest at Heart ?

You deserve so much better than this. Just imagine if you had a child with him , just imagine the damage a relationship like this would do to your child . !!

I have a Bi~polar Skitzo Effective Brother , that when on meds is the Nicest of Guys, but when off them , he is Truly Psycho. Threatening to kill a Judge on his own defense Attorney's voice mail .He's still in a Mental Hospital awaiting Sanity Eval to see if he can stand Trial . It's been 1 1/2 years and he still isn't deemed competent .
I Love my Brother,but I know he needs Help and will not allow him in my home or near my family until he is Stable ( Again ) .

You need to be Strong, surround yourself with supportive and protective Friends and Family. Understand that your BF , Needs Help, that you should not be around ( unattended ) with him, until he seeks help and is Stabilized .
If he refuses Real Help, tries to " change " without it . You are risking your life if you think he will change if you just give him another chance . It won't happen without him getting Treatment and you being strong and knowing you do not belong in ANY Abusive relationship.

On the Suicide Threats, AKA Manipulation of you. There is Nothing you can do to stop him from committing Suicide. That is not a Choice you have to or Can make FOR HIM It is Not your Responsibility. It will not be your fault if he does take his own life.

We are basically in control of that type of Choice.
You Give up, refuse to ask for help, refuse to accept help and take the Chicken Crap way out. Hoping to make the Person left feel Guilt. while you will never feel Satisfaction. ? That is not being a Good Guy or Gal, That is not having someones back, that is Not having the left ones Best Interest at Heart .

You know what to do, or you would not have come here . You have the Red Flags all around you .
You also know that your Yelling and Screaming back, is no Excuse for your behavior . You are a 20 year old Adult. it's time to act like one, it's time to respect yourself and those around you .

Someday, being a Pharm Tech, you will have Psycho's Screaming at you about their Pills. You will not be able to Scream Back . You can start now, learning to understand, Empathetic and even Sympathetic with people with Mental or Emotional Disorders .

Start here With you , Make a Life Decision to not be in a manipulative Relationship and I'm sure you will do Fine .


Good Luck , We at WH are here for you .